Is FOFO, the Fear Of Finding Out, Holding You Back?

How to overcome FOFO and embrace curiosity

You’ve got to love an acronym, haven’t you?

We’ve had FOMO, JOMO, and FONDA, and now we have FOFO. FOMO is the Fear Of Missing Out; JOMO is the Joy Of Missing Out and FONDA is the Fear Of Not Doing Anything.

So what is FOMO? This isn’t the name of a well-groomed poodle but yet another acronym to tell us how we should feel. FOFO stands for a Fear Of Finding Out. Finding out what?

Find out here.

FOFO

You know when you don’t know, and you know that you don’t know, but you don’t want to know.

FOFO is said to be a psychological barrier that stops you from investigating a potential problem because you’re afraid of what you’ll discover.

I’ve seen this with clients who think their partner might be having an affair. They know, but they don’t want this knowledge confirmed. They’re frightened of finding out.

And they’re frightened to know because, once it’s confirmed, they have to deal with the consequences.

Of course, they’re dealing with the consequences all day long of what they imagine is happening and what the future will look like but, because this happens in their head, they don’t realise they’re already suffering the consequences.

You could say FOFO is the modern equivalent of sticking your head in the sand.

Maybe you have massive FOFO around your finances. Financial FOFO is common. Credit card bills rack up unseen and as it’s too easy to keep spending in person or online, you might not want to know how much debt you’re in.

While you don’t know, you can fool yourself into imagining that the debt isn’t too large.

You might worry that you’ll have to make lifestyle changes if you examine your finances. If you’ve been drinking champagne on lemonade money, it’s probably time to tighten your belt.

FOFO is also familiar in medical circles for people who ignore symptoms in case the diagnosis isn’t what they want to hear.

There are adverts on the television encouraging you to visit your GP if you can get an appointment; of course, a GP appointment is an oxymoron these days, if you experience unusual symptoms.

Research from think tank 2020health suggested FOFO makes up nearly a third of all reasons individuals delay or avoid visiting their doctor or seeking medical advice when they’re concerned about their symptoms.

You might reason that you have too much on at work to face the time a medical procedure might take. Even when you know that not addressing symptoms might result in a far longer time away from work. And the real reason is probably FOFO.

Research commissioned by biopharmaceutical company AbbVie found that 61% of people admitted that they would delay visiting a doctor because of fear of being diagnosed with a severe illness, and 32% avoided the doc because they don’t want to be pressured into making changes to their lifestyle.

Are you scared of a diagnosis?

How to deal with FOFO

Ask yourself what you’re frightened of finding out.

As I mentioned, usually, the reason someone experiences FOFO is that they thought about what might happen, and that thought spawns a thousand babies. Your thoughts are like a google search with a million instant hits.

And this is overwhelming.

But you don’t have to be overwhelmed by your imagination. If you keep thinking about the what-ifs, talk to someone. If you don’t feel equipped to deal with whatever you might find out, ask for help.

Take a friend or family member to a medical appointment, consult a financial consultant or a debt society if you have financial fears.

Make it a habit to check your finances. It’s easier than ever before now that cards and banking have apps so you can log in on your phone. Set up text alerts if you’re heading to your limit. Feel empowered rather than deprived when you say no to yourself.

Find a coach to help you recognise that whatever you’re projecting into your future isn’t real at this moment.

And remember, all the time you’re frightened of the consequences of finding out; you’re already suffering the imagined consequences of not finding out. If you have financial FOFO, you might imagine becoming homeless; if you’re FOFO is health-related, you might worry you have a terminal illness.

Any imagined consequence is scary and might be worse than the fear of finding out.

Let go of fear

It’s always good to have ways to deal with FOMO, JOMO, FONDA or FOFO, but wouldn’t it be better and easier to let go of fear rather than deal with it?

Fear is a normal and natural response to the threat of physical harm, but nothing in these syndromes will cause physical damage, so where does fear come into play?

We’re told that we’re born with two fears; the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling, but the fear that people mostly feel is the fear of what they think might happen. Fear doesn’t exist in and of itself. We have a thought about what we believe could happen, and then we worry about whatever it is and its consequences.

If you aren’t in imminent danger, the danger you fear isn’t real; it’s a thought-created symptom, so why do you need to stop it? Thoughts are transient and fleeting, and to stop feeling fearful, you need to think about what you’re fearing to stop thinking about it.

Isn’t it easier to recognise that you must have fearful thoughts if you’re feeling fearful?

Bring yourself back to this moment. Look around; what is making you fearful right now? Of course, if you do this while standing in the middle of a busy road or contemplating taking a shortcut down a dark lane, listen to your fear. But, if what you’re fearful of isn’t happening right now, recognise that you’re creating this feeling via thought, and in a second, you can have a new, fresh thought.

And your new acronym can be FOF — F**k Off Fear.