HANNAH #12

Is the Beginning, Middle, or End the Best Place to Be?

A true quandary

This question hit me last night when I realized that Ben and I were smack in the middle of our summer. So far, we had gone to Terre Haute’s water park, made a birthday dinner for Lucy, hit the tennis courts, spent time journaling, and engaged in many, many discussions with my dad.

He is trying to understand me, and apparently, the understanding doesn’t come easy. But six weeks in, I can confidently say that he loves me, which I think is more important. The truth is that I don’t understand him so much either. I get bored being around Lucy after 10 minutes, and he happily spends whole evenings with her — and nights too — but I won’t go there. I am, after all, his daughter.

Ben and I have five weeks left in Terre Haute, meaning we have passed the halfway point. I’ve asked myself whether I will feel sad to leave. I heard a resounding “no.” But then I generalized the question to ask whether beginnings, middles, or ends are the best place to be.

I asked Ben that question. Here was our dialogue:

Ben: I think I need to remind you that I am only 10, and the questions you ask can be very hard for someone my age. If I understand you right, you want me to answer whether I like starts, middles, or ends the best, right?

Me: Right

Ben: Isn’t it dependent on where we are?

Me: Now I don’t understand you.

Ben: Ok, I’ll make it simple — for you — who actually doesn’t need simple but for some reason needs me to spell this out. If I am playing a tennis match, the start is the most nerve-wracking place to be. I’ve got so much adrenalin running through me. Then there is the middle of the match. Hopefully, I’ve figured out his game and can now take advantage of it. That makes the middle much better. Then there is the end. The end is the best of all if you win. But if you lose, it’s even worse than the beginning, where you are nervous but have the hope of winning.

Me: Ben, it seems like whatever my question, you go to tennis. How would you and I communicate if we didn’t have tennis? I’d be in real trouble.

Ben: It’s more like I’d be in real trouble. I need tennis more than you need me. But to show you that I am bigger than the game with a little yellow ball — I added that to demonstrate my creative use of words — I will apply your question to the topic of our summer in Terre Haute.

Me: Great. And I am so happy that you are exploring the creative use of words. I think I’ve made an impact. So now, please continue.

Ben: Regarding Terre Haute, the beginning was the worst. You were in a bad mood and angry. Dad didn’t know what to do with us or even how to relate to his own kids. He wasn’t used to having us around. We were bored, which is how I was able to drag you to the tennis court. That’s when I discovered something you’re not good at.

Me: So that now takes us to the middle. Please continue. You see, I am good at interviewing people. We won’t discuss which is more important in terms of a life skill — tennis or interviewing.

Ben: My, aren’t we competitive… Well, the middle has been ok — not great but not stressful. That was when we started grocery shopping and making dinners. I liked our three consecutive dinners of tacos. They were easy to make, delicious, and cheap enough that we had plenty of money left for an ice cream bar. Dad wasn’t much of a taco fan, but he didn’t know how to tell us. There was that funny moment when he asked whether we knew how to make something that wasn’t tacos, and you said,

“Sure. Do scrambled eggs count?”

We all laughed at that one — though I don’t think dad ever actually answered the question. He just ordered take-out the next night, which might have been an answer.

Me: That was funny, and also we learned something. We found out that dad really can’t cook, and also that Lucy either can’t or won’t cook. We also realized that dad doesn’t like confrontation and wanted to stay positive. Ok, so we’ve decided the middle seems to be a fine place. We feel more in control with fewer surprises. How do we feel about the end of our summer?

Ben: Since we’re not there yet, this will be a guess. I think we’ll feel good about our summer, and also that we’re ready to leave. Home is still best. The ending won’t be sad — as in, “Dad, we hate to leave you.” But I think we will feel good that we spent the summer together. We learned about each other.

Me: Yes, I learned how smart you can be. I do feel positive, minus Lucy. I still haven’t figured out what dad sees in her. I feel like she has intruded into our space in a not-good way, but with a little therapy from Coach and some positivity from you, I think I will be fine.

Ben: Just to be clear, Lucy was here first, so we actually intruded in her space.

Me: Good point. See what I mean about you being smart.

Ben: So I never asked you whether you have a preference for starts, middles, or ends. Do you?

Me: Just like you have tennis, I have writing. So when I think about Popposites, I loved the start because it was new and felt creative. I hated the middle because I thought it was falling apart. Then Alfred and Joey came to the rescue, and the end was great. Everything worked. So regarding Popposites, I loved the end best. But you began with a great question when I brought this whole topic up.

Ben: Please remind me. I say so many great things (smiling).

Me: You asked whether the answer was dependent on the circumstance. And the answer is yes. For Popposites, the ending was the best part. For Terre Haute, the middle has been pretty good because we’ve figured things out. The beginning was awful.

Ben: And the school year? What do we think there?

Me: The beginning is exciting. We are back with our friends. We get new teachers, new classes. The middle is hard work but good — just not as good. And the end, for me, is sad. This year was especially sad.

Ben: I know it was for you — just not for me.

Me: I am glad that Alfred and I have kept up through email. He has written some great notes that make me think he might be a writer — like you!

Ben: Now you’re just trying to make me feel good, so maybe this marks the “end” of our conversation where your compliment is my high point.

Me: I think our “highpoint” is the quality of our conversation. It is really so awesome. I appreciate you differently after our Terre Haute summer.

Now that we were done with this conversation, I had a surprise for Ben. I explained that Dad had asked me to make a “great” dinner that would bring a smile to everyone’s face. He said, and I quote,

“We are in the summer doldrums. We need some happiness. Can you surprise us with a great dinner? Lucy will take you grocery shopping.”

Lucy taking me grocery shopping was quite a surprise — but not as big as the surprise I have for Ben. It’s taco Tuesday!

Yep, our middle is going just fine.