Is Suicide an Act of Selfishness?

We say it is, but is that really true?

As an infant, we learn how to speak by soaking up everything that’s said around us and mimicking it. When we grow up, this changes in the sense that we no longer have to mimic language in order to speak.

However, human beings are still creatures that mirror the world around them.

This is why most peoples’ beliefs are determined by their surroundings. Both behaviors and beliefs are typically passed down to us through what we see and hear.

One of the beliefs that gets passed around on a large scale is the idea that suicide is a selfish act. I’m sure you’ve heard it before — that the most selfish thing a person can do is take their own life.

We understand why people say this. Because taking your own life can deeply hurt the people around you.

That’s definitely true.

But it is truthful to say that the person who committed suicide was committing an act of supreme selfishness? Most people who actually pull the trigger are not going out of their way to hurt others.

Hurting others may be an inevitable consequence of the action. But for the person who is suicidal, the inevitable consequence of not pulling the trigger is the perpetuation of their colossal pain.

And the pain that causes them to consider suicide in the first place is always perceived as an unbearable one.

One of my friends (I’ll call him Mark) committed suicide via shotgun. He sat in a chair in his room and pulled the trigger with his toe. He was 25.

Mark had problems with his internal organs that doctors said would bring about his inevitable death in a matter of months. He was in constant pain, being rushed to Baylor hospital every single week it seemed like.

I know why Mark killed himself. He was speeding up the unavoidable to save himself the unbearable pain. If circumstances were different, I’m certain he wouldn’t have seen a reason to take his own life.

But life itself is heartless at times. We all know it’s unfair, but few understand this better than those cursed with terminal illnesses.

Mark soldiered through as much as he could take and I’ll always remember him as a fighter, regardless of what he ended up doing. He was one of the most compassionate, persevering individuals I’ve ever met.

Another idea that gets passed around for whatever reason is the one that says that a person who considers killing himself is a coward. This one makes even less sense.

Was Heath Ledger a cowardly human being? Was Kate Spade a coward as well? What about Vincent Van Gogh or Hunter S Thompson?

Were Japanese samurais being cowards when they fell on their swords after losing battles in dishonor? Picture yourself having to commit such a grisly act.

Do you still think the act of suicide is meant for cowards?

Holding a .357 magnum to the side of your head and pulling the trigger is not an easy thing to do by any means.

So then why do we claim that it is? Why do we refer to this as the easy way out when most people wouldn’t be able to do it in the first place?

And thank goodness it’s not an easy thing to do! Because there’d probably be a lot more suicides every year if it was.

But there are ways to frown upon an action without describing it in a manner that don’t even make any sense.

I get it. The strongest way through a problem is embracing it and finding out how to get past it. But suicide is really a matter of mental health in which the human mind perceives no other way out.

When you take that into consideration, you begin to realize that the matter is a lot more complicated than mere selfishness or cowardice.

A strange phenomenon happens in the human mind where adversity becomes perceived as truly everlasting.

And let’s face it, most people don’t perceive their pain as everlasting. That’s why suicide makes no sense to them. But if they did see it that way, they would find themselves in a predicament that led them to believe suicide was the only way through a problem.

And that’s all it takes for otherwise strong-willed, inspiring, generous human beings to really take the idea of killing themselves seriously. It’s a long road that takes a person to that point, one laden with many disappointments and delusions about reality.

I know what a real coward is. Most cowardly actions are things a person does with the intention of staying alive.

Suicide has nothing to do with it.

There is hope for people who feel there is none. Sometimes this does require anti-depressants, for the brain is a fallible piece of software like every other organ in the body.

Sometimes hope is found by changing one’s environment and social network. Sometimes it requires fully revolutionizing oneself. But it always requires a commitment to the idea that a light at the end of the tunnel may one day present itself.

Even when every fiber of your being tells you there’s no such thing.

Eliminate some of the stigma attached to thoughts of self-harm and, believe it or not, you eliminate some of it from happening. People will feel less inclined to hide their dark feelings and other people will be less inclined to misunderstand them.

Suicide is an act that is better described by adjectives other than cowardice or selfishness. It’s an act of absolute desperation and despair.

It is an act for the strong-of-heart who have been worn down and weakened, not the weak-of-heart. It is a very possessive, dangerous state of mind that can be avoided whenever we stop identifying people who have fallen down as weak of all things.

When we acknowledge that suicidal ideation comes from a faulty way of thinking, we just have to focus on rearranging those thinking patterns. It takes a bit of time yes, but many people have overcome thoughts that used to control them.

There is always hope.