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1970

Abstract

id="4f7b">Why do humans have to go through something as painful as the death of a dear one? Is this some kind of test to build our fortitude? Are we even properly equipped for it? Are painful events such as this one meant to steer us toward wanting to master non-attachment?And if we’re at that, can your regular human master complete non-attachment? Like ever? Wouldn’t that make us non-human? Alike to Data from Star Trek, say?Isn’t it ironic that Data was a robot who craved the exact opposite: to have emotions because that would have made him human? The series was directed by someone who was not into Buddhism, though. That would surely explain things.Jokes aside, the Dalai Lama and other enlightened beings sometimes strike me as mythical figures. Does anyone ever reach Nirvana anyway? Is this even attainable? And if we ever do, does this mean we have to become more like Data in the process? Shove all emotions aside?I’ve been listening to some of Pema Chödrön’s videos these past few days. For those who don’t know her, Pema is a very wise American Tibetan-Buddhist. She is very articulate and she talks about the propensities of the human mind like no other. Everything she says is imbued with humour and kindness. She is never patronizing. She’s had her share of suffering, one can tell, but she has learned a lot from it.She mentioned in one interview that her second husband who had left her years ago had been her greatest teacher. It was thanks to him that she had learned how to deal with being in distress. She said she was grateful for that.Her words made me ponder on experiencing hardships. Pain might be a jolt of sorts meant to wake us up. A reminder to stop wasting precious time chasing illusions (fame, money, and countless belongings) as they mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. An alarm to set us on the path of getting fam

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iliar with our minds.Maybe, just maybe, that’s what life is all about. Learning to tame the internal weather in our heads. That’s a hell of a job, for sure. We sometimes seem to be dealing with nothing but hurricanes and tornadoes for long stretches of time.Another friend’s dad died one year and a half ago. She has always been strong, but she did cry when we went out a week or so after his death. She kept saying that she could not compute how one could be a sentient being one moment and be there no more the next. She also told me that she kept thinking about where her father was (if anywhere) after he died. I was at a loss for words then too.Fortunately for her, she was pregnant and she had a baby in a month or so. She could not afford to focus on her loss too much as she had to dedicate her full attention to the baby.Perhaps being busy all the time helped her cope better; the next time I talked to her, she was composed and smiling. She seems quite well now after some time has passed, but how can one know? I do not have the heart to ask her if she is still grieving.Does this however mean that the lesson she was supposed to learn from the experience was lost on her as she did not properly stop to examine her life?Her questions have stayed with me and have resurfaced now that my other friend is going through the same kind of life event. How can one be alive one moment and gone the next? How does one even begin to process this?All our actions revolve around running away from pain. Maybe if we resist our urge to constantly avoid it and face it head-on, it simply loses its power over us. At least, this is what Pema said in her interview next. She’s probably one of the few people who will ever reach Nirvana if anyone can, so I’ll just have to trust her on that. But damn… it’s so much easier said than done.</article></body>

Essay

Is Suffering Our Best Teacher?

On mastering detachment

My best friend’s dad is dying of cancer. I’m struggling with finding what to say to her despite really trying to be supportive. I mean, what can one come up with except “I am sorry” or “If there is anything I could help with, let me know?” Words often fall short in such cases.

Everyone goes through this or something similar... sooner or later. No one is spared from losing some of our dear ones. It’s her turn now and she seems to cope well considering...

Will I be able to not be thrown off kilter when my turn comes? Is anyone ever prepared for this? Will I be strong enough to be able to stay afloat? My parents are healthy, thank God, but questions like these keep crossing my mind these days and filling me with a certain kind of dread.

Some might be more resilient. Others…well, less. We are all different. Is my friend only pretending to be fine?

I keep telling her she is strong and that I cannot help but admire her. She tells me she does not have any other choice. She has to put her emotions aside for the time being and just go through the motions. Someone has to deal with the doctors, the papers, etc. According to her, one simply starts operating on autopilot.

I think she’ll probably have to process everything that’s happening these days and deal with the pain later. All kinds of flashes will surely come tumbling down in her mind after her dad passes. I surely don’t envy her for that.

Why do humans have to go through something as painful as the death of a dear one? Is this some kind of test to build our fortitude? Are we even properly equipped for it? Are painful events such as this one meant to steer us toward wanting to master non-attachment?

And if we’re at that, can your regular human master complete non-attachment? Like ever? Wouldn’t that make us non-human? Alike to Data from Star Trek, say?

Isn’t it ironic that Data was a robot who craved the exact opposite: to have emotions because that would have made him human? The series was directed by someone who was not into Buddhism, though. That would surely explain things.

Jokes aside, the Dalai Lama and other enlightened beings sometimes strike me as mythical figures. Does anyone ever reach Nirvana anyway? Is this even attainable? And if we ever do, does this mean we have to become more like Data in the process? Shove all emotions aside?

I’ve been listening to some of Pema Chödrön’s videos these past few days. For those who don’t know her, Pema is a very wise American Tibetan-Buddhist. She is very articulate and she talks about the propensities of the human mind like no other. Everything she says is imbued with humour and kindness. She is never patronizing. She’s had her share of suffering, one can tell, but she has learned a lot from it.

She mentioned in one interview that her second husband who had left her years ago had been her greatest teacher. It was thanks to him that she had learned how to deal with being in distress. She said she was grateful for that.

Her words made me ponder on experiencing hardships. Pain might be a jolt of sorts meant to wake us up. A reminder to stop wasting precious time chasing illusions (fame, money, and countless belongings) as they mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. An alarm to set us on the path of getting familiar with our minds.

Maybe, just maybe, that’s what life is all about. Learning to tame the internal weather in our heads. That’s a hell of a job, for sure. We sometimes seem to be dealing with nothing but hurricanes and tornadoes for long stretches of time.

Another friend’s dad died one year and a half ago. She has always been strong, but she did cry when we went out a week or so after his death. She kept saying that she could not compute how one could be a sentient being one moment and be there no more the next. She also told me that she kept thinking about where her father was (if anywhere) after he died. I was at a loss for words then too.

Fortunately for her, she was pregnant and she had a baby in a month or so. She could not afford to focus on her loss too much as she had to dedicate her full attention to the baby.

Perhaps being busy all the time helped her cope better; the next time I talked to her, she was composed and smiling. She seems quite well now after some time has passed, but how can one know? I do not have the heart to ask her if she is still grieving.

Does this however mean that the lesson she was supposed to learn from the experience was lost on her as she did not properly stop to examine her life?

Her questions have stayed with me and have resurfaced now that my other friend is going through the same kind of life event. How can one be alive one moment and gone the next? How does one even begin to process this?

All our actions revolve around running away from pain. Maybe if we resist our urge to constantly avoid it and face it head-on, it simply loses its power over us. At least, this is what Pema said in her interview next. She’s probably one of the few people who will ever reach Nirvana if anyone can, so I’ll just have to trust her on that. But damn… it’s so much easier said than done.