Is Pleasure a Form of Truth?
In praise of hedonism
In the modern Western world, the term hedonist is a bit of a pejorative. It implies self-indulgence and egotism and consequently the hedonist is someone not to be taken too seriously. They may even be looked down on as morally lax or inferior. “After all, we have rules for a reason!”
By contrast, in the ancient world, pleasure and the sacred were inherently linked and female sexuality, in particular, was associated with the divine. The Mother Goddess, the Divine Ancestress, brought not only life, and pleasure, but wisdom, and truth as well. According to internationally known social systems scientist and cultural historian, Riane Eisler, “In traditions that go back to the dawn of civilization, the female vulva was revered as the magical portal of life, possessed of the power of both physical regeneration and spiritual illumination and transformation.”
As Merlin Stone notes in When God Was a Woman, “The sacred sexual customs of the female religion offer us another of the apparent ties between the worship of the Divine Ancestress as it was known in Sumer, Babylon, Anatolia, Greece, Carthage, Sicily, Cypress, and even in Canaan. Women who made love in the temples were known in their own language as “sacred women,” “the undefiled.” Their Akkadian name of qadishtu is literally translated as “sanctified women” or “holy women.”
This all ended of course as more patriarchal, domination-oriented forms of religion came to the fore in which asceticism and even physical pain became associated with spiritual uprightness. The difference between supplicants to the Goddess communing with her via sex with the sacred intimates of her temple and monks who self-flagellate and wake up every few hours in the middle of the night to pray is pretty significant.
Denial of the body and of bodily pleasures was a central element of early Christianity as well as other religious and spiritual traditions, where the focus was on transcending the physical in order to reach enlightenment rather than interfacing with the divine through the sensations of the body. But, if the body is viewed as inherently base, as it has so often been, it completely discounts the very real potential to experience the most exalted expressions of our humanity, of all that is most fulfilling and ennobling, through bodily sensations.
Aristippus of Cyrene, a student of Socrates, believed that pleasure is the highest form of truth. His philosophy of ethical hedonism said that the pursuit of pleasure and the reduction of suffering were the only intrinsic good, although the Cyrenaics, as his school of philosophy came to be known, also believed that pleasure could be obtained through altruism and social good. The Cyrenaics considered bodily pleasures better than mental pleasures, presumably because they were easier to objectively perceive.
For me, hedonism is not just about the physical sensation of enjoying good food, beautiful art, moving music, pleasurable sex, etc. It is the feeling of being entirely human and connecting deeply with the human experience of others through the senses. From my perspective, this is one of the finest things that hedonism has to offer.
A while back, I kissed a woman whom I had never met before that day. Our mouths explored each other’s as our hands caressed each other’s faces and hair and we became consumed with the experience of it. It didn’t just feel physically sensual and enjoyable, it also felt emotionally satisfying, even though it was a casual encounter. The essence of our humanity was being expressed through our physical selves, which is the most accessible way to energetically connect.
I’d never had any sort of intimate physical contact with a woman until I was almost 50. It was only when my partner James and I decided to open up our relationship to other people that we both discovered new worlds not only of pleasure, but of intimacy and connection as well, both with others and between the two of us. Better late than never!
As Skye and I kissed that day, it wasn’t just about me feeling good and then her over there feeling good in our own separate bodily experiences of pleasure. In coming together, we found something that transcended both of our individual experiences which was in and of itself enjoyable. At one point she said to me, “I hope this doesn’t sound too weird, but I don’t want this moment to ever end.” I knew exactly what she meant. It wasn’t about love or possession. It was about the complete and utter beauty of being hedonistically immersed in that moment together. And in truth, what could be better?
Our inner selves are encased in a physical housing. It is the simplest and most straightforward way to interface with each other and our world, through the experiences of our senses. Passion, ardor, sensuality, these are all indications of aliveness and as long as I inhabit this earthly plane, I damned-sure want to be alive and not to merely exist. One of the most beautiful and powerful ways I’ve ever found to build community and express fundamental human connection is through touch — including sexual touch.
Modern Western patriarchal morality demands that intimate touch only take place between people who are exclusively committed to each other. I don’t believe that this is how human beings are configured, however, although they are certainly free to choose that if it suits them. We are intensely social animals, genetically wired for cooperation and interdependence. Lack of touch by others of our species leads to psychological issues, and in fact, is considered a form of torture. And as much as our culture purports to value sexual monogamy, we aren’t very good at it. Infidelity rates run somewhere between 35 and 60%, depending on who you are asking.
Good food, particularly when enjoyed with friends or family is one of the most fundamental pleasures available to humans. Around the world, festivals and celebrations nearly always include special dishes or feasting. For some people, a glass of wine or a nip of bourbon is something that brings joy to their senses. For others, the look and feel of beautiful clothing or lingerie contributes to feelings of pleasure and enjoyment. For someone else, it might be laying in the sun, or puffing on a cigar. The possibilities are endless.
You cannot manufacture happiness by having good sex and wearing nice clothing alone but if those are things that actually do bring you feelings of satisfaction, gratification, or greater connection to fellow human beings then why should you deny them to yourself just because someone long ago decided that it was more moral to be ascetic?
When I was trying to learn how to meditate, I used to much prefer to use that quiet half-hour before the rest of the family woke up to drink my coffee in peace and read the funny papers. I was feeling guilty about it when a wise friend pointed out to me that anything that brings you real happiness can be a spiritual practice. I did eventually learn how to do more traditional meditation, but I never forgot her words. Being in the flow of feeling good is always better than a “should.” It simultaneously grounds us and expands us.
Non-philosophers tend to think of a hedonist as a person who seeks out pleasure for themselves without any particular regard for their own future well-being or for the well-being of others. According to non-philosophers, then, a stereotypical hedonist is someone who never misses an opportunity to indulge of the pleasures of sex, drugs, and rock ’n’ roll, even if the indulgences are likely to lead to relationship problems, health problems, regrets, or sadness for themselves or others. Philosophers commonly refer to this everyday understanding of hedonism as “Folk Hedonism.”
There are many types of true hedonism as discussed by philosophers, each with its own aspects and elements, but the underlying value is that of well-being. What brings the individual pleasure and a sense of happiness? But for the Puritan, fleeting indulgences without thought for consequences is not only morally reprehensible, but irresponsible.
But what if you were to engage in things that bring a sense of pleasure and delight in a self-responsible way? What if you let your desires guide your actions and then used the outcomes of those experiences to help hone your future desires? Something done without sufficient consideration of its impacts and repercussions leads to natural consequences which can then inform future choices. Overeat and you feel bloated and gain weight; overdrink and you wake up with a hangover; cheat on your husband and perhaps find that you no longer have a marriage. Treat your friends poorly and you may find that you have no more friends.
Isn’t this a more direct and visceral way to learn what is “good for you” than obeying a bunch of arbitrary rules made by others? Isn’t figuring out your own truth about how you want to live a more pure state — one that opens you up to all sorts of enjoyment and pleasure? Constantly living selfishly or immoderately isn’t likely to bring you true joy or real pleasure, but allowing yourself to live a life of rich sensuous experiences very well might.
The most common definition of pleasure is that it is a sensation, something that we identify through our senses or that we feel. Psychologists claim that we have at least ten senses, including the familiar, sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch, but also, movement, balance, and several sub-senses of touch, including heat, cold, pressure, and pain. New senses get added to the list when it is understood that some independent physical process underpins their functioning. The most widely-used examples of pleasurable sensations are the pleasures of eating, drinking, listening to music, and having sex. Use of these examples has done little to help Hedonism avoid its debauched reputation.
However, I’m finding that the more I uncouple from societal norms and expectations and instead tune into what would bring me pleasure at the moment, the richer, more satisfying a life that I lead. Deprogramming from cultural narratives and indoctrination takes time and work, but having done a fair amount of that, I can report that James and I have never been happier or more in love.
We haven’t seen our lovers or playmates much since the pandemic. We strive to take good care of our physical selves because it would be counterproductive to ongoing pleasure to not pay attention to that. Hedonism doesn’t mean forgetting that there are repercussions to all of our choices. It simply means that we look for ways to do a lot of the things that feel good — many of which are just the simple pleasures.
Finding our own way to lead an enjoyable life rather than living by other people’s rules means that we are engaging in “clean living” after all. We are in integrity with ourselves and finding the truth within our desires and our pleasures. I think it would be a happier world if more people did the same.
