Is Online Dating Bad for Our Mental Health?

Finding a date online may be quick and convenient, but might come with unintended side-effects

The rise of online dating

We’ve all seen those cheesy eHarmony commercials where two strangers find each other on their platform and fall in love. Despite its cheesiness, many of us now turn to online dating platforms like eHarmony, Tinder, Hinge, etc. in the hopes of telling our own cheesy stories about how we found “the one”.

Unfortunately, it’s just not that easy.

The dating world has changed significantly in the past couple of decades. According to Wikipedia’s online dating services timeline, the idea of matching strangers based on questionnaires that are run through computer algorithms has been around since the 1960s, but modern online dating services like Match.com didn’t launch until the late ‘90s.

After these more sophisticated dating platforms were launched, there was an explosion in couples meeting online from about 7 percent in the early 2000s to now nearly 20 percent. Incredibly, more couples are meeting online than any other means, including through a friend.

However, as online dating continues to rise in popularity, it’s worth taking a minute to stop and reflect on how this relatively new way of meeting people might be affecting our mental health.

Online dating isn’t a cure for loneliness

How many of you have opened up Tinder or Hinge when you’re feeling a bit lonely hoping to spark a connection online?

You think that talking to someone, no matter how weird or boring they might be, is surely better than laying in bed watching your friends’ Instagram stories depicting how awesome their lives are and feeling a twinge of jealousy.

Except, as discussed in an article from Psychology Today, that’s probably not the best way to cure our loneliness — and might make those feelings even more pronounced.

As much as we might think that talking to someone online can make us feel less lonely, what we’re usually craving is not some superficial connection, but rather a deep connection full of meaning and emotion.

Sadly, most online conversations tend to be pretty superficial, not just because texting itself is pretty emotionless, but because we tend to be cautious about how much information we share online with strangers (especially as privacy has become a bigger concern in recent years).

Trust is an issue in online interactions

In fact, many of those conversations we have online aren’t even completely truthful, since so many of us lie about everything from the pictures we upload (that were taken ten years ago) to our bios that inflate how cool our jobs are or artificially enhance our physical characteristics so that we might seem like more of a catch to others looking at our profile.

According to a study about how often people lie on their online dating profiles that was covered in the New York Times, about 81 percent of users tend to misrepresent certain characteristics about themselves meaning that the person you strike up a conversation with on Tinder is most likely lying about something in their profile, even if it’s just a little white lie.

However, little white lies can add up quickly, and nothing is more awkward or annoying than realizing that the image you had of this person in your mind based on your online interactions is nothing like how they are in real life when you finally meet up for that first date. It’s similar to watching a trailer for a movie that hypes it up by showing you the coolest and most dramatic scenes, and then being severely let down when you watch the whole movie.

Out of all of our various online social interactions, we tend to be the most dishonest with online dating. Most people won’t take the dishonesty too far if they’re actually serious about wanting a relationship, but starting off on a dishonest note is probably not in the best interest of either party.

Our virtual self can have a negative impact on our real self

Social media, in general, tends to almost encourage people to portray themselves in the best possible light, including how happy we appear. This tends to carry over to online dating as well.

Yet, when we portray ourselves in this artificial light, our real selves that we see everyday in the mirror start to look much less impressive, which can then lead to feelings of low self-worth and confidence. This can be compounded by feelings of jealousy when viewing all the pretty faces that we scroll through online, in which we compare ourselves to.

Opening up your online dating app and seeing a whopping zero matches after a night swiping right can further exacerbate these feelings and possibly result in acute depression or anxiety.

Are younger generations addicted to online dating?

In a study conducted back in 2016 by Match, they found that Millennials (who are more likely to use online dating apps) were 125 percent more likely to feel addicted to finding a date than older generations. Furthermore, based on this same study, Millennials were 22 percent more likely to feel that technology has actually made finding a date more difficult. This number increased to 43 percent in Match’s more recent study conducted in 2018.

What’s interesting about this, besides the potential for addictive behavior and increased stress from not finding a date, is that online dating presents itself as a convenient and easy way to meet people online, yet when it comes to actually dating, the results aren’t any more impressive than traditional ways of meeting people.

Online dating isn’t any more effective than traditional dating

An article in the Psychological Science in the Public Interest (PSPI) journal found that despite the claims of many online dating sites, there is no strong evidence that mathematical algorithms employed by these sites are any better in terms of matching potential partners than more traditional means. Importantly, the researchers noted that:

“[…] encountering potential partners via online dating profiles reduces three-dimensional people to two-dimensional displays of information, and these displays fail to capture those experiential aspects of social interaction that are essential to evaluating one’s compatibility with potential partners” — Eli Finkel, et. al., Online Dating: A Critical Analysis From the Perspective of Psychological Science

Is online dating all bad?

If online dating can result in feelings of distrust, jealousy, anxiety, depression, low self-worth, and loneliness, then should we even be using these sites and apps in the first place, especially if the results aren’t any better than traditional dating?

Well, if you’re already dealing with severe forms of depression and anxiety, and find that online dating makes those feelings more pronounced, then it might be worth reconsidering.

In general, singles looking to mingle probably need to evaluate their mental state before signing up for these dating sites to ensure they’re mentally prepared for potential negative experiences and understand what their triggers are so that they can try to avoid them.

If you happen to be one of those singles ready to take the plunge, then you should also re-evaluate your mental health every once in awhile to make sure that the online dating experience isn’t making you feel even worse.

If it is, then take a break! Distract yourself with other activities because, after all, dating should never be the sole thing that provides us with happiness and fulfillment.

Online dating certainly isn’t all bad and provides us with an opportunity to meet people with similar interests that you may have never come into contact otherwise. I’ve personally met so many awesome women online that I am so grateful to have met and formed solid friendships, when the chemistry just wasn’t there.

There are plenty of happy couples that can attest to the power of these sites and apps to help people find love (along with a healthy dose of luck and optimism). Therefore, we shouldn’t write them off as another avenue to meet people and build relationships — so long as we don’t view them as the be-all and end-all in finding love.