Sexuality | A First-Hand Account
Is it wrong to be an exhibitionist? What’s the difference between nudism and exhibitionism?
Free the nipple! Free the pussy? Is there a sex-positive version of nudism? [My Sex Life]
I write erotica novels & short stories. I also publish sex confessions as a spermivore, spermaholic, and teen slut. Yes, teen slut! And I’m proud of it! Sex is good. And girls who love sex shouldn’t have to hide and pretend to be “pure.” Sex is pure! And naked skin is natural.
I enjoy being nude. It makes me happy and feels natural, not just at home. For instance, I cherish my escapades at Blind Creek Beach, a clothing-optional beach located North of West Palm Beach in Florida. On top of letting me enjoy the sun and the ocean in my birthday suit, a visit to the nude beach comes with men looking at my naked body. I like both! Does it mean I have a mental health disorder?
In many erotica short stories in Bare Skin Café on Medium, I dove into the pleasure of exhibitionism — something I love in my own life. But as I kept writing about it and researching the topic, I realized that exhibitionism could mean different things to different people, and some are bad. Should I use another term? I went digging further, and I didn’t like what I found!
I’ll summarize definitions of exhibitionism and nudism, and then we can have a conversation about it!
Addendum: I’ve created a space on Quora to further discuss sex-positive nudism. Join the conversation!
What is exhibitionism?
Let’s look at exhibitionism with the summary provided in the Britannica Encyclopedia.
Exhibitionism is “sexual gratification through the compulsive display of one’s genitals.” Ouch! I already have a problem with two words in that definition.
First of all, when I am strutting along on Blind Creek Beach, I relish seeing men looking at my naked skin, but that is not sexual gratification. I’m not having sex! And I am not compulsive about it. I get naked as often as possible, but I can live without it.
Right there, I think I shouldn’t use that word anymore, but then… Which word should I use?
What is nudism?
Let’s stick to the summaries in Brittanica Encyclopedia again, for now.
Nudism, also called naturism, is “the practice of going without clothes, generally for reasons of health or comfort. Nudism is a social practice in which the sexes interact freely but commonly without engaging in sexual activities.” I like that! It’s not about having sex. And it feels natural.
But even if I fit that description, it’s more than that. I enjoy being seen naked, and sexual arousal may happen. Is there a stage between nudism and exhibitionism?
What is wrong with exhibitionism?
Back to Britannica Encyclopedia for a second.
Voyeurism and exhibitionism are “almost universal as a prelude to sexual activity in animals, including humans,” but “it is regarded as deviant behavior when it takes place outside the context of intimate sexual relations.” In other words, is it OK to be naked just before having sex but never outside of that context? That seems pretty restrictive! Who made that rule? The pope?
“Exhibitionists are usually not dangerous, although the experience is frequently perceived by the victim as threatening; violence or sexual assault seldom follows the display.” I am pretty sure that when I walk along Blind Creek Beach in the nude, none of the men looking at my tits feel threatened. Yet, I enjoy being watched, and therefore, it is more than just nudism.
Is there a prejudice against men?
Here is something I found pretty interesting (I added bold characters):
“Exhibitionism is the most common form of sexual deviation to come into conflict with the law in Western society. Nearly all of those arrested for exhibitionism are men; the disorder, if it exists at all in women, is seldom evident. Some experts suggest that female exhibitionism is not uncommon, but is not identified as deviant behavior because there are socially acceptable ways for women to display their bodies.” ~Britannica Encyclopedia
Let’s stop here for a second. It seems to me that it’s all a question of perception.
If I walk naked on a nude beach, nobody will assume that I get gratification from it, and therefore, it will be seen as nudism, not exhibitionism. Yet, I feel great about every inch of my body being seen.
There are many places outside a nude beach where women are almost naked, and it is acceptable, but if it is a man, it is deviant. Could the problem be that we see a lot of nude skin from females in our society but rarely from males? In that sense, the objectification of women makes naked men deviant. Ouch!
Men wear trunks that go down almost to their knees on the beach right off my front door. Meanwhile, I see women wearing bikinis that barely cover the vulva and the nipples every day. They lay on their tummy, untie their bikini top, and for all intents and purposes, they are naked because the only thing left on their body is a tiny rope going between their butt cheeks. They call that a bikini bottom. It’s more like a rope. And it’s acceptable. Who likes tan lines, right? I don’t! But now, what if that woman enjoys being seen like that? Does she have a mental health problem?
Exhibitionism & Nudism: The Extremes. Where’s the line?
Personally, I would like to be able to walk around naked anywhere. I don’t see why I should be ashamed of my body. Yet, I can see that it may be inappropriate in specific contexts.
At one end of the spectrum, let’s talk about the old man naked under a trench coat in the park and flashing passersby. No matter how much I support nudity, I would agree that this behavior is questionable and could indicate a mental health issue, although I am no expert in mental health.
At the other end of the spectrum, we have suntanning on a nude beach. That is totally OK. If somebody doesn’t want to be naked or see naked bodies, they can go to the regular beach. They will save on sunscreen lotion!
I bet we can all agree on these two extremes. So the question becomes: What happens in between these extremes? Who decides where the line gets drawn?
First: Free The Nipple
Let’s clear the topic of the boobs before going any further on the subject of nudism and exhibitionism.
I can’t believe that in 2023, we are still talking about this!
Men have nipples, and we see them all the time. Men’s nipples are not sex organs, and my nipples aren’t, either. If you think sex organs should be hidden (I disagree, but let’s say), then it’s the cock and the vulva, not the boobs, the tits, or the ass cheeks. These are not sex organs. If you think they are, we should also hide hands and mouth — I use them both extensively when having sex!
So naked boobs should never be an issue anywhere. If somebody has a problem with that, they are the ones with a mental health disorder!
That being said, since men go crazy for boobs, I regularly play with mine. For instance, I will wear a tank top that’s low under the arms, exposing my side boobs. I think frontal cleavage is overrated. Men are too used to it. A little bit of side boob can drive them much crazier, as I reported on a trip I did a while back. Whenever I feel like pushing the limits, I lean forward a bit and let them see my entire breast and its nipple. It’s hilarious to see their face!
Men have nipples, but every time they see female ones, it’s like they’ve never seen nipples before, and they go wild. Who has a mental health issue? Me or them?
Is exhibitionism all about sex organs?
Now that we have cleared the topic of the nipple, let’s talk about cocks and vulvas.
I looked for as many definitions of exhibitionism as I could find on Google besides Britannica Encyclopedia, and they all pointed to sexual gratification and mental health disorder. So, where does that leave me?
There’s something weird every time I go to the nude beach. When I arrive, set the beach towel, and undress, I feel uncomfortable. Yes, I said I enjoy being naked and being seen like that. Yet, every time I go from being dressed to being nude, there’s a split-second when I feel unsure. I blamed social conditioning for that.
After walking around on the beach and swimming in the nude for a while, I don’t even think about it anymore (unless I purposely take a stroll to please men’s eyes). Being nude feels natural after we have freed our minds from social conditioning, telling us that we should hide our bodies as if we should be ashamed of them.
I guess this makes me a nudist or naturalist. Fine! But once again, I also enjoy when men’s eyes are glued to my skin, traveling from my tits to my toes and back. They rarely make eye contact.
Yet, my “exhibitionism” is not for sexual gratification. It’s for entertainment. Maybe it’s vain! But if there is any sexual gratification coming out of my actions, let’s talk about the men on that beach who masturbate at night, thinking of my body. Sexual gratification goes to them when I go around naked, not me.
Am I also a voyeur? I don’t know, but I guess so. I don’t mind seeing all these cocks on the beach and comparing them. Yet, it doesn’t entertain me as much as I get amused by observing their face when they look at me.
Is there something else besides exhibitionism and nudism?
That’s the million-dollar question for which I would like an answer.
There has to be something between nudism and exhibitionism. I enjoy naturalism for all of what it is, but I also enjoy displaying my naked body to strangers. It may be full nudity at Blind Creek Beach and only my side boobs on an airplane, but it’s always a tingling pleasure for me. Yet, I do not go flash people behind a trench coat in a park!
How about nudistionism?
Addendum: “Nudism Plus” & The Shaming of Sexual Reactions
Comments posted by some of you below this article added to my reflection on two aspects of this discussion.
First, Casey Lorne brings up a part of exhibitionism I had not fully considered: “If you really want to masturbate for an appreciative crowd, go to a sex club, not Starbucks.”
In the definitions of exhibitionism that I found and used, it was only a question of sexual gratification generated by the fact of being seen in the nude, not by having sex or masturbating. I didn’t even mention these terms in this article, and yet it’s what Casey got from this discussion. I realize that people masturbating in public are usually labeled as exhibitionists, and that would contribute to giving such a negative connotation to exhibitionism. And in that context, I am definitively not an exhibitionist. We need a word in-between nudism and exhibitionism, and James Grigg summarizes it amazingly well in a follow-up piece to my article.
“I think Delisha is right that there surely is something that lies between nudism (completely devoid of sexuality) and exhibitionism (flaunting the body only for sexual gratification), and that middle something is probably more healthy and real than either concept alone, without necessarily compromising either as well.”
In a society where sexualized nudity is commonplace, “many who might wish to ‘normalize nudity’ have a strong rationale for wanting to completely decouple any sense of sexuality from nudity as a result.” I can see the benefit of that. My experience at a nude beach north of Miami was not great because it seemed to be populated by males on the prowl. It appears challenging for humans, especially men, I would say, to keep their heads screwed on properly when it comes to sex — but that may be because we are so obsessed with hiding it.
In any case, James Grigg suggests an “approach to nudism that is more open and honest about sexuality.” And voilà! That is what I was trying to say! And he says it so much better! I suggest you check his post.
I may consider using the term exhibitionist less often and give “nudism+” a try. Or maybe it’s nudism grounded in the reality of us as sexual beings — but that is a long word!
About Men’s Erections on Public Beaches
While we are in thought-provoking discussions, let me bring up another point.
In nudist communities, from what I understand from my visits to nude beaches, it is “forbidden” for a man to display an erection. That puzzles me. How are they supposed to do that if it so happens that they get excited by either a beautiful woman or the sun?
Isn’t that shaming the male body? Doesn’t it define natural sexual reactions as evil? Isn’t it just as bad as people sexualizing nudity, just in the other extreme direction?
If I get sexually aroused, I will get wet, and nobody will know. If my nipples get hard on a nude beach, nobody cares. But if a man is aroused and his cock is stiffening, that man is evil. That doesn’t seem right to me.
When my boyfriend wakes up with a hard-on, I do not accuse him of anything. It’s normal. If his cock grows in his pants while looking at another woman, I may not like it, but it’s natural.
I understand that if male erections were “acceptable” on nude beaches, we would probably attract all the “flashers.” We don’t want that, but shaming males’ natural physical responses doesn’t seem right either.
Just wondering!
Addendum: I’ve created a space on Quora to further discuss sex-positive nudism. Join the conversation!
Please tell me what you think in the comments below or anonymously on my author’s website. Why do we even have taboo discussions about something as natural as skin and sex? We all have skin. We were all born of sex. We’re sexual creatures. #FreeTheNipple & #FreeThePussy!
Thanks so much for supporting me as a writer and for your interest in my sex life. I often think of you when other men and women are using me. You are my motivation to try new things and push my limits!
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