A Relationship of Misery or the Single Life? Ciaran’s Response

Welcome to Da Hard Truth, Meu amigo. This is the publication hosted by Teri Nickels and yours truly, where we give our male and female perspectives on modern dating.

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You send us a burning and pressing question, either as a comment or via email to [email protected]
I write and post a blog with my masculine opinion on the topic
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Today’s question comes from MJ

Michael Jackson’s no longer with us, so it must be either Montell or Michael Jordan. Anyway, they said:

Is it better to be single or to be in a relationship that kills part of your soul daily?

I honestly feel lonely being alone, but I’ve had so many bad relationships in the past and don’t know what to do.

I don’t like being single but I feel like if I get with someone I’m doomed to be miserable.

It’s not even up for debate

So, in my humble opinion, it’s 9567% better to be single than in a miserable relationship because it gives you the chance to grow.

When I look at my life, I see I’ve consistently grown more when I’ve been out of a relationship than when I’ve been in one.

You know, emotionally, physically, or what have you.

There’s a reason why we have the meme of an image of a single man who’s ripped with a six-pack next to a man who’s married and has a beer belly.

It’s hard to grow when you’re in a relationship

When people get into relationships, they tend to get complacent and stop working on themselves. Also, their partners don’t want to be outgrown and usually try to hold them in place.

That’s why the internet’s full of stories of people who got in shape and realised their boyfriends/girlfriends started to hate them for it.

When someone gets to know you and places a label on you, they tend to want you to stay that way forever so they feel comfortable, and if you start changing, it fucks that up.

You, of course, can find people who’ll support you in your growth, but they’re relatively rare, and regardless of that, this has nothing to do with being with someone who kills your soul. I’m just talking about a regular relationship.

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You can’t expect someone else to complete you

I look at it like this: no matter where you go, there you are, meaning that if you’re miserable being single, it’s because of something inside you that’s making you feel that way.

If you’re miserable alone, you probably won’t find some magic and special person to make everything hunky dory. Maybe they will short term, but eventually, you’ll slide back into your usual pattern of behaviour and go back to being depressed.

We think we can find people who’ll complete us, but we really can’t. It’s a romantic fantasy that’s not based on reality. You have to complete yourself. Nobody else can do it for you.

And again, this assumes you’re not in a terrible relationship. If the person you’re with is crushing your soul on top of that, then it’s like an extra weight for you to carry.

It’s like walking around with a bad back and then having someone hop on your shoulders and make you carry them up a hill. It would be unpleasant even if your back was tip-top, but now it’s excruciating.

Stay single and work on yourself first

So what I’m saying is to stay single and work on whatever it is that makes you unhappy in your own skin. When that’s healed, you’ll give off an energy that attracts better partners and repels the negative ones you’re currently drawing to you.

There’s a reason why some women are always in abusive relationships while others aren’t.

As much as they hate to admit it, these women are both attracted to and attracting these men, and that’s because they haven’t sorted through their own stuff. I had a massive habit of attracting partners who were terrible for me until I decided to look in the mirror and see what it was about me that was pulling them into my life.

Hope this helps. Até logo.

Excelsior!

What are your thoughts on this? Let us know below.