Is it Better to Be Feared or to Be Loved?

Summary

The web content discusses a social media experiment on whether it is better to be feared or loved, referencing Machiavelli's "The Prince" and considering personality types based on psychological models, ultimately revealing a gender-based pattern in responses.

Abstract

The author of the article conducted a social media poll asking followers if it is better to be feared or loved, a question rooted in Machiavelli's "The Prince." Despite a common misconception, Machiavelli did not explicitly state a preference, leading the author to explore the influence of personality on this question. The five-dimensional personality model is introduced as a framework for understanding individual differences in preference for being feared or loved. The article argues that fear can be more effective in compelling obedience, even when actions are against one's personal morals or desires. The results of the poll showed that men tended to favor being feared, while women preferred being loved, prompting further discussion on the reasons behind this gender disparity.

Opinions

The author suggests that fear might be more effective than love in ensuring compliance with difficult or undesirable orders.
Personality type, as defined by the five-dimensional personality model, is considered a significant factor in determining whether an individual prefers to be feared or loved.
The author posits that even profound love has its limits, whereas fear can drive people to actions beyond these boundaries.
There is an implication that societal or cultural factors might influence the gender-based responses observed in the social media experiment.
The article challenges the popular belief about Machiavelli's stance, emphasizing the importance of reading the original text for accurate understanding.

I did a little social media experiment. The answer will shock you

A little girl holding her hands over her face. Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash

A few days I decided to do a little social experiment on social media; I asked my followers on Instagram a simple question “Is it better to be feared or to be loved?” Simple question, right?

This question has been around since at least 1513 when Niccolò Machiavelli wrote his famous work The Prince. A lot of people believe that Machiavelli said it is better to be loved than to be feared. However, this is wrong. Machiavelli did not exactly put it that way. Most people (including myself) haven’t read the book, so I won’t blame anybody here.

Whatever Machiavelli might or might not have said, it is still a very important question. So, I’d ask you again, is it better to be feared or to be loved?

Well, let me take my words back. The answer isn’t actually that simple. There are many potential intersecting determinant factors. Of all the potential factors that can determine a person’s answer, their personality is a very important factor. According to the five-dimensional personality model in psychology (you can read all about that here), there are five different personality types; Agreeableness, conscientiousness, extraversion, openness, and neuroticism.

The personality type that a person has determines how they react to events, what kind of things they like, and how they behave generally. Personality type will also determine whether or not they want to be loved by everyone or they don’t care about being everyone’s sweetheart.

But personality differences aside, what attributes do love and fear have, and on what basis can they be compared? Assuming you were a leader, a ruler, or a king and you had followers or subjects under you. Would you prefer that they love you or that they fear you? If you gave them a difficult order to follow, an order that they hate with all their lives and don’t want to do, which one would make them follow the order more; fear or love?

Put in this light, fear is a better option. Fear can compel you to do something that love won’t. No matter how much you love a person, there is a limit to the things you can tolerate for the sake of love. Even Jesus who loved the world such much that he died for it, that same Jesus has a limit. Apparently, if you don’t live your life as he advises, he’ll throw you into eternal fire, all love aside. On the other hand, when you fear someone, there is no limit to the things fear would make you do.

Do you think you can never snitch on your friends and family? Wait, until the police catch you and put some good old fear into you. Do you think you can never betray your family? I’m sure someone somewhere under a dictatorship thought the same until they were threatened by the long arm of the state. Do you think you can never kill a fellow human? Well, wait until you have a gun pointed at you, or until your family or livelihood is threatened.

For everything you think you can’t do for love, you would do it twice over if you are under a legitimate and serious threat.

Back to my little social media experiment.

I received some replies from my followers on Instagram and the pattern of reply was surprising. All the men who replied answered that it is better to be feared, whereas all the women who replied said it is better to be loved. So now over to you:

Is it Better to Be Feared or to Be Loved?

I did a little social media experiment. The answer will shock you

Why do you think there is a difference in the response men and women gave?