Summary

The article discusses the role of pain in human existence, emphasizing the importance of distinguishing between healthy and unhealthy pain to foster personal growth and transformation.

Abstract

The author reflects on the necessity of pain in the human experience, arguing that while pain is an inherent part of life, its nature can either be beneficial or detrimental. Healthy pain is associated with self-awareness and the process of personal transformation, which involves confronting one's demons and dismantling limiting beliefs. In contrast, unhealthy pain is rooted in an ego-driven existence, where individuals are trapped in subconscious programs shaped by conditional love and past traumas. The article suggests that by rewriting one's unhealthy ego program and embracing self-love, individuals can experience a liberating and fulfilling form of pain that leads to self-improvement and the ability to form nurturing relationships. The author also acknowledges that pain cannot be entirely avoided, even after transformation, but the key is to minimize its destructive impact and duration through self-awareness and resilience.

Opinions

Pain is an inevitable part of human existence, but its impact on an individual's life depends on whether it stems from a place of ego or self-love.
An ego-driven life, often resulting from unhealthy subconscious programming, leads to a destructive form of pain characterized by victimhood, blame, and toxic relationships.
Self-awareness and the willingness to rewrite one's subconscious programming are crucial for experiencing healthy pain that facilitates personal growth and transformation.
Healthy pain, while intense during the transformation process, is described as liberating and fulfilling, as it signifies the breaking down of limiting beliefs and the pursuit of self-improvement.
The nature of one's expectations and needs shifts from seeking external validation to cultivating internal security when transitioning from an ego-driven to a self-aware existence.
Even after personal transformation, individuals may still encounter pain, but their ability to cope and recover is significantly enhanced due to their self-resilience and principle-centered approach to life.
The author emphasizes the importance of setting healthy boundaries and detaching from toxicity, even within family relationships, through methods like the Gray Rock Method.
Ultimately, the author encourages individuals to make the wise choice to prioritize self-help and personal responsibility as the foundation for a fulfilling life.

Is Feeling Pain an Indispensable Part of The Human Existence?

Yes, but the key is whether its nature is healthy or not…

I had a brilliant question yesterday about a topic we’re all so familiar with: Pain.

So, the question was: “Is feeling pain a necessary part of our human existence? And how do I know whether it is doing me a favor or, on the contrary, keeping me stuck?”

Let’s be first clear if you don’t mind. If you have ever had such a reflection, you should be proud!

How come? It is the starting point of the transformation, the proof of your openness and will to change your life starting by yourself — there is no other shortcut, unfortunately.

So, here is my humble opinion and answer to this question:

The key is to figure out whether this pain is ego or self-love driven.

If you are still an ego-driven person

You are persistently operating from your unfriendly subconscious program where all your limiting beliefs about yourself & the world exist, where you’ve built all your shields against your profound shame of never feeling good enough.

Why are you feeling “not good enough” in the first place? Because your caregivers loved you conditionally, that their love was inconsistent, and that they criticized you instead of elevating you.

Because they didn’t take you seriously, that you were not allowed to speak your truth. Because your emotions were not validated; thus, you built the belief being vulnerable was a bad thing.

Because no one showed you how to build healthy boundaries. Because your parents asked you implicitly to prove your worth daily. In an extreme case scenario, you were downgraded and harshly abused.

What is that supposed to mean? You are a prisoner of your subconscious program that you didn’t even write in the first place. What does that imply about your attitude?

You are a fan of being a victim, pitying yourself, complaining, blaming others & the circumstances. You are mean to people you are making responsible for your suffering. It is never about you.

Some people might think: “Well, I don’t like being a victim! I don’t want to go out, for instance, when I’m not able to walk properly because of my back pain so that I don’t give others a chance to pity me!”.

Yes, this is their conscious mind desire, which is in total phase-shift with their sick ego program. Here is the thing, my friends: “When you truly start loving yourself, you’d not only do whatever it takes to help yourself, but you’d also not give a s*it about what people would think or say. You’d be so in peace that you’d not even notice it!”

What is your relationship with pain? Your pain is permanent for the most distorted shields and centers and takes a considerable time for the other levels of the spectrum. Your suffering is linked, in general, to your unmet needs, including but not limited to:

The attention as you perceive it and your unhealthy expectations: being the center of the world of beloved people, expecting people to fix you, to do all that it takes to make you happy even when you’re doing everything to stay depressed, etc.
The versatile and fragile security provided by your distorted center(s).
Not being able to have real, authentic, nurturing conversations since being ego-driven means being toxic; thus, unable to build trust. Result? Attracting and engaging in unhealthy relationships.

How would I describe this pain?

Destructive, consuming, literally slowly killing me.

What if you start being self-aware and gradually working on re-writing your program?

You’d feel a huge pain during the transformation process. You’d suffer so much that you would doubt & hate your decision every single day.

The pain you’d be feeling would be the outcome of meeting your demons, fighting your ego instead of giving your power to it.

This pain would be felt because of the fierce resistance of your unhealthy ego when you’d be destroying your shields and numerous limiting beliefs. This pain is the price I would decide to pay to set myself free.

How would I describe this pain?

Liberating, fulfilling, progressively unleashing my divinity!

What about your unmet needs?

Well, the nature of your expectations from others would completely change! Being self-resilient and principle-centered, you wouldn’t feel insecure anymore.

Why? Because the universal correct principles are by definition unchangeable, independent of time and space, and that you’re getting your internal security from your center.

When you would be in that place, you would release astronomical amounts of love first for yourself, and second for others and the Universe. At the same time, you would not be able to be in toxic relationships anymore!

“Well, that’s nonsense, Myriam! If you love a person, you are already in a relationship, right?”

Sorry to disappoint you, but that’s not always true. We can show love to a stranger, an animal, a flower, the sunshine, a gentle breeze caressing our face, a dancing couple, a song — you name it!

I can love a person and care about their wellbeing; still, choose to stop or never start a relationship with them in the first place. It is not that easy and evident when it comes to a toxic family. We didn’t choose our parents.

So, if you cannot afford to go “no contact” for any reason — be it your own values, the social pressure, being financially dependent, etc — what you can do is learning to detach yourself from their toxicity and daily drama and not to engage emotionally without giving up on the relationship. In the narcissistic jargon, we call it the Gray Rock Method.

A legitimate question at this stage could be: “Does this mean I will never feel pain again after this amazing transformational journey?”

Well, I’m again sorry for disappointing you, but the answer is “No”. There will always be people who would not value your efforts, or who would show a lack of morals.

Your assessment of a person’s emotional balance could still be a bit wrong. Don’t be shocked! Brilliant manipulators exist, and you’ll need time to learn to trust your intuition about them.

Even when you do, but that you ignore they’re aware of the abuse and unlikely to change, you can also break your heart trying to help them and eventually got disappointed, sad — sometimes even disgusted.

You could be deceived and betrayed. You could also feel pain for a human reason: the loss of a beloved person. But here is the deal: all is about the duration!

Final thoughts

You hopefully know more about the difference between unhealthy and healthy pain, and you can make your choice! I truly wish you’ll all make the wise one so that your future self could be grateful to your current one! Before leaving you, I want you to remember this:

Nobody will be able to help you — not even the wisest, most brilliant, eloquent, divine individual across the globe — if you didn’t first decide to help yourself!

With love, Myriam