Is Emotional Cheating Really a Thing?

Summary

The article discusses the concept of emotional cheating, questioning its definition and the naturalness of forming emotional bonds outside of a committed relationship.

Abstract

The author reflects on personal experience with emotional cheating, initially unaware of the concept but recognizing the potential damage to a relationship. The article explores the idea that emotional bonds can form unintentionally over time, raising the question of whether such connections should be considered cheating. It suggests that attraction and bonding are complex and can occur naturally, but what truly matters is how one manages these feelings, especially when in a relationship. The author argues that feeling something for someone else is not inherently bad, as long as there is integrity in one's actions. The piece concludes by acknowledging the complexity of relationships and the inevitability of experiencing attraction to others, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and honesty.

Opinions

Emotional cheating is a nuanced issue that may not always involve intentional dishonesty or a desire to gain an advantage.
Forming an emotional bond with someone other than one's partner is not necessarily cheating unless there is an intent to pursue a romantic connection or if one continues to foster romantic feelings.
Attraction is a natural and often unpredictable aspect of human relationships, and developing feelings for someone else does not make a person inherently unfaithful.
The author believes that people should not feel guilty for experiencing attraction or emotions towards others, provided they handle the situation with integrity.
The article suggests that both members of a relationship will likely face the challenge of external attractions, and it is a normal part of life.
Cheating, whether physical or emotional, is undesirable, but the focus should be on one's behavior and intentions rather than solely on the presence of feelings.

Is Emotional Cheating Really a Thing?

I’ve been aware of emotional cheating ever since I was guilty of it. I had never heard of it before but I could see that getting so close to someone who wasn’t your girlfriend was probably bad news.

I could see how it was undermining my relationship and why I either had to end it or pay attention to the issues I was having in my committed relationship.

I beat myself up for it for years, but in a discussion I had with friends about a year ago on this topic it hit me.

How can you emotionally cheat? It’s not as if you go out of your way to bond with someone else.

You may not even like the person at first, but overtime the boundaries whittle away and you find yourself sharing intimate details about yourself and feeling romantic feelings for them.

It would be unreasonable to never talk to the sex(es) you’re attracted to ever again, so isn’t it natural for a bond to be created sometimes?

You may not like it, but it happens. And so technically, I have a difficulty calling this cheating.

Cheating is to act dishonesty or to be unfaithful in order to gain an advantage. But in this context, I can’t see how talking with someone, even someone you may be attracted to constitutes cheating. Unless…

Unless one of two things happens. If you are in a relationship and you talk with someone else with the intent to start another romantic connection, then that’s cheating.

Or if you innocently spoke to someone, then feelings developed over time, and you realize the feelings but you continue to foster the feelings and the changing nature of the relationship. That is also cheating.

Attraction is messy and if someone checks off a number of boxes and you check off a number of theirs, it is inevitable that a bond will form and it is only a matter of time before the bond expresses itself emotionally.

What you do with that bond is what matters, especially when you are already in a relationship.

Ultimately, emotional cheating is real but I don’t think people should feel bad if they catch feelings for someone else.

It’s life, man. No one said it would be super-straightforward, cookie-cutter and simple. Life will throw curve-balls at you to challenge you.

Is this really what you want? What do you think about this? This is an uncomfortably novel experience but a necessary one that will reveal things about you. What did you learn?

So all in all, cheating is lame, whether physical or emotional. But as long as you have integrity, you shouldn’t beat yourself up if you feel something for someone else.

And it’s not just happening to you. Your partner will go through it too.