Is A Female Solo Traveler Really That Suspicious?
Customs agents seem to think so
I’ve been solo traveling on and off for about 10 years. It has its cons but I appreciate being able to visit places that may not be on my friends’ agendas. In my 20s I meekly went with others to places I was only mildly interested in. But at a certain point, I thought ‘why invest my money in trips I don’t really want to take?’
From that point forward, I’ve spent time in numerous US, European, and South American cities solo. I love being able to do exactly what I want and set the schedule according to my own needs. I wind up chatting and befriending far more people that way than if I traveled with someone else.
When I was first solo traveling, it was a fairly new-ish trend, especially for women. I remember customs agents asking me curiously — you went to Boston — alone? But then nodding and letting me through without much of an issue.
Cut to my last few trips and the customs questions are getting far more suspicious and pointed. Last year when I returned from Puerto Escondido, Mexico, I was randomly assigned to the dreaded young, male customs agent. If you travel, you know. They always act like they have something to prove.
“I’ve never even heard of Puerto Escondido! Where even is that?” is how he started, which made my heart sink. The tone was not curious, it was aggressive.
“Why would you go there?!?” was the follow-up. He was clearly unimpressed with my answer of seven beaches and no all-inclusive resorts anywhere nearby.
Once he found out I went on my own, he exploded. “By yourself. You went by yourself. Why go there alone? Who did you meet there?” The suspicion in his voice was growing but I kept my tone calm. After all, I’d done nothing wrong.
He wrote a code on my receipt and told me to “go ahead” in a tone that told me “ahead” was not going to be anyplace fun. Sure enough, I was sent for extra searching (and quickly released).
Yesterday I went through customs to come into the US. I didn’t expect US customs agents to think it was so strange for a woman to want to travel solo in their country.
“You’re going ALONE? Who are you meeting there?” she asked. The word “alone” was said in the same tone one would say “Herpes?!” if their sex partner just informed them they were diagnosed.
When I replied “no one,” she asked me numerous questions about how often I go to the US and where I go, and why I go there. Then she flipped through my entire passport and let me through with obvious hesitation.
Lest you think this is just two unfortunate experiences, it’s happened to me several other times as well.
It’s 2023. There are a lot of female solo travelers in the world. I understand it’s a customs agent’s job to ask questions, and I also get that most women travel with others. But the disbelieving (and suspicious) tone with which customs agents receive the information that I’m a solo traveler is bewildering to me.
I searched online to see if this was something being discussed. I did see some instances of women feeling they were being stereotyped, but not that many.
Customs agents meet travelers all day. Have they really never encountered a female solo traveler who is actually just traveling?
We’re not a rare breed anymore. Must there be yet another tax on being female where I’m made to feel like a weird pariah for wanting to travel?
Any male solo travelers reading this, please let me know in the comments if you experience the same thing. I have to think gender plays some role in this.
I understand that as a white lady, I have it relatively easy when it comes to many things, including customs. But why am I automatically made to feel like a criminal because I travel on my own? If I were a drug mule, wouldn’t I be traveling with someone just so I stuck out less?
It’s mind-boggling that in 2023, customs agents find this to be such an issue.
Thanks for reading! Here’s my latest travel story about a heartwarming day I had in Belize
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