Truth In Satire

Iowa Man Achieves In 5 Seconds, With 2 Fingers, What Entire Nation Couldn’t Do In 4 Years

The emphatic message of humiliation and rejection swept through a packed stadium and left Trump in shock

“When he put up that little hand to wave, I just reflexively responded with two middle fingers,” said Kyle Cheevers, a home builder from Davenport, Iowa. “And then, all of a sudden, all around me, it was like a chorus of flipping birds.”

The “in-your-face” greeting on Saturday at an Iowa State football game succeeded in delivering a powerful message of humiliation and rejection that an entire nation failed to achieve in four years of hell and havoc at the tiny hands of Donald Trump.

Did Trump see all those angry birds flying at him?

“Sure, I saw them, a beautiful thing,” he responded, while looking furious. Claiming the extended middle finger is American Sign Language for “We love you, Mr. President,” the multi-indicted insurrectionist added, “Anyone who knows ASL will tell you that a one-fingered salute is the equivalent of people waving worshipfully to the Pope. Very special, very respectful.”

Cheevers himself was mobbed by well-wishers as he left the stadium. “People are calling me brave and a hero and what not,” he said, “but I think I just did what any true patriot would do to keep his kids and country safe. We want a democracy here in Iowa, not a despot.”

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–AI