Introverts of the Internet, Hark, Sean Kernan Needs Our Help!
(Part One)
Sean Kernan, the well-known author celebrated for his self-help stories and unique personality profiles, recently asked his Medium audience for suggestions in “I’m Feeling A Bit Lost: An honest reflection on the situation.”
Sean wanted to discuss an existential crisis he was experiencing that touched upon writing, career, and the introverted lifestyle.
The words “I’m an introvert” are the secret handshake.
Sean is one of the tribe; Hear the conch shell? The tribe of loners gathers! Oh, joy! Debate, analysis, overthinking. Yes, please!
Introverts would make an exceptional secret society — except none of us could be induced to join it.
I quickly don my cape.
Introverts Welcome Here
Introversion. What is it like to be an introvert? In the 2012 NYT-Bestselling Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, author/attorney Susan Cain explores how introverts, those who find their energy enhanced by periods of quiet and solitude, can rock the casbah — no, wait, the business world — in their own style, and have many gifts to offer, despite a society geared towards the bold and brash.
True, artists may be allowed a certain latitude for quirk and sequestration; lawyers, not so much. Yet Cain extols introverts’ quiet strength and unique approach while noting introversion’s different degrees and expressions.
One of Cain’s points is that the much-lauded business practice of “brainstorming sessions” is fantastic for promoting esprit de corps. Yet, it’s not always the best method for generating innovative, successful ideas. The issue of concern is that it’s often the loudest, most confident, and most charismatic individual in the room — who may or may not have the best ideas — whose voice is heard above the din.
The Care and Feeding of Your Introvert
Now, introverts often thrive when receiving one-on-one input and feedback. We do interact. We do it best in the quiet zone. So we correspond, call, meet for the occasional coffee or glass of red, and send notes, emails, and texts. Contrary to myth, introverts do play well with others. We simply do it in our own adorably wonky ways.
Many times, introverts thrive in interpersonal interactions; however, we appreciate autonomy and influence on the type of activity and the physical layout of the space, and we derive comfort in knowing all means of egress and having wheels at the ready or an Uber on the app should the mood strike, and we feel the desire for a different space.
Yeah, that’s how we roll.
Playtime
We, the introverts of the world, often enjoy parallel play. Or is that cosplay that we like so much? No, I was right; it is parallel play, though I imagine many of us do both.
What is parallel play?
The way friends with young kids describe it, it’s when yummy mummies gather in groups and order pizza while their offspring, the fruit of their loins, are building social skills.
Ha! The fine young anarchists want little to do with this plan.
So the parents put a favorite plaything in front of each kid, figuring they’ll teach cooperation and compromise another day. And that’s parallel play.
Parameters
There are borders and boundaries to this specific quest we’re on. Sean wrote that while he was open to suggestions, there were three criteria to bear in mind:
1. The search will target an introvert’s interests and lifestyle.
2. The hobby/profession of photography has been tried — and voted off the island.
3. Trigger warning: No fuel for addictive behavior or vices, please.
Two Prongs: The Hero’s Journey and “Now What?”
“I’m Feeling A Bit Lost: An honest reflection on the situation” inspires the following analysis:
Firstly, it will be helpful to break down the quality of “lost” into two parts. The first part is a mental/emotional/spiritual quest — what Joseph Campbell called the Hero’s Journey.
We can view the second part as a growing awareness of one’s unmet needs — an inchoate yearning. Or, to put it briefly, if cynically, as Schopenhauer explained, an understanding that “Mankind was apparently doomed to vacillate between the two extremities of distress and boredom.”
Prong Number One: the Existential Dilemma
The first prong we’ll lean into is the study and analysis of philosophical systems, especially regarding experiencing an existential crisis of meaning.
Hit it.
From author/philosopher Alain de Botton, may I present for your delight and edification “The Secret of Happiness — in 60 Seconds,” “The Meaning of Life” (in 4.55 minutes/seconds!), and the pièce de résistance, “How to Deal With A Crisis of Meaning” (in 6.36), to be viewed on The School of Life channel on YouTube.com.
Prong Number Two: Take Action
From time to time, we may find ourselves between and betwixt the routine that accomplishes goals and the desire to taste the juicy fun and delight that the world offers. We may benefit from kicking up our boots, breaking the bonds of the quotidian, and, as they say, getting our ya-yas out.
If those ya-yas were to get backed up, it could get messy. Remember (“Redrum, redrum!”), that “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.”
The second prong of the plan is all about implementable actions — a hobby, skill, or practice — that enhance and supports the self-discipline critical for creative work. An activity that is inherently enjoyable in and of itself because that’s the whole point, really.
We might view this as how to take care of your tools when you are your own tool.
Words and Wisdom
You may think, “Boots, that’s so nice of you to help a writer/creative out!” While you’re correct — and let it not be said otherwise — I am always happy to pass on good advice. I mean, it’s not like I was going to do anything with it, anyway. So why not share it?
So Suggestive
A note concerning these suggestions: Many of the following ideas and hints necessitate a degree of human interaction because A) it can’t be helped, and B) we, the world’s introverts, actually like people. We prefer to express our affection on our terms. Yet, when I write it down, it seems so cold.
But really, who are we to judge?
Now, in deference to the introvert’s delicate and highly refined sensibilities, the amount and application of exchange and engagement are customizable. (Just like at the Golden Coral All-You-Can-Eat-Buffet!)
Cagey
One final memo. Based on an analysis of Sean Kernan’s stories, the author is a sane and intelligent human being. So I pondered what advice would benefit someone like this. Unfortunately, however, I soon realized that I had no earthly idea.
So I loitered in cafes, parks, pubs, museums, restaurants, bookshops, and an Apple store with good intent. I was waiting for the clever people. The plan? Interview them for insights.
This is called “original research.”
Really? You’re thinking. You’re going to hang around the park, cage drinks in pubs, talk to people, and call that research?
Original research. Yes. And it’s valuable! Or is that invaluable? Anyway, that’s what the experts say.
What experts, Boots?
“Hey, I just realized I left my wallet in my other bag. Do you think you could loan me a few — ”
Get the Mojo Moving
For your consideration and improvement, and because Sean Kernan asked, I present the following list of ideas and suggestions for working with, going around, or overcoming an existential crisis/the homo sapien zoomies/mid-life doldrums.
The Skills of a Badass
Kernan mentioned blacksmithing as an example of what he’s seeking, which is a fine goal. And if fire, danger, and banging appeal, may I suggest some of these other adrenalin-drenched skills?
Go big, go pro: First, gain a skill set as a plumber, electrician, or master mason, and then earn the license. Consider banging one out with an organization such as Habitat for Humanity or Homefront. Help heal the world, one leaky pipe or clogged gutter at a time.
Fly: Attain a pilot license. Own those friendly skies. Imagine roaring among the clouds. Once you score your wings, you can soar with volunteer opportunities geared toward flyboys/girls. And note: the cockpit (how Freudian is that?) has a lockable door, which is introvert 101.
Ride: Midlife crisis? Perhaps? Get thee to a dealership and ride off on a Harley-Davidson. Want to ride to a real destination? Then ride for one of the many foundations and charities that motorcyclists support.
Bungee jump: Don’t think, man, ’cause then you won’t do it! Hold my beer for a moment while I — wait, your recording this, right? Good. Now —
( — to be continued)