Satire

Introducing the Build Back Later Framework

First, let’s make some money

President Joe Biden claims the Build Back Better framework “is fully paid for by asking more from the very largest corporations and the wealthiest Americans.”

But who said we would agree?

In our opinion, everything is quite all right already, no need to build back anything. But let’s assume for the sake of the argument that there’s something to build back. Why not do it later? And make some money in the meantime?

If you look closely at all the four pillars of Joe’s plan, you’ll see it can wait.

“The most transformative investment in children and caregiving in generations.”

Why would we want “universal and free preschool for all 3- and 4- year-olds,” when mothers can stay at home? Real American families do not spend anything on childcare because we take care of our children by ourselves.

There you go.

Instead of saving half of their spending with Build Back Better, we can save all American families’ childcare spending with Build Better Later.

They want to deliver “affordable, high-quality care for older Americans in their homes.” But we don’t need that! Older Americans are no snowflakes; they’re strong and tough. They know the value of hard work; it’s high. Hard-working and underpaid employees guarantee much higher dividends to the shareholders.

Contrary to rebellious younger generations, older Americans know there’s no pain without gain. And, believe us, we want to gain some more.

“The largest effort to combat climate change in American history.”

Where is the hurry? “Model simulations suggest that our planet’s average temperature could be between 2 and 9.7°F (1.1 to 5.4°C) warmer in 2100 than it is today.”

2100!

That’s more than seventy-seven years from now. More than four thousand weeks!! Seriously, folks. Do we need to build back now? Twenty-eight thousand days is plenty of time. It’s almost three generations away according to the average age of first-time parenthood at 29, which, on a side note, should be much lower.

And we already have clean energy technology built in the United States. It looks like nobody from the Build Better Back team took the time to visit the oil-producing area in Texas, North Dakota, and New Mexico. Such a shame. The folks working there are very clean.

“The biggest expansion of affordable healthcare in a decade.”

We’re not going to go through all the supposedly better actions listed there. Let’s take one example to show how ludicrous this idea is.

President Joe Biden wants “Medicare to cover hearing benefits.”

Eh? Hello? We can speak louder. Sounds easy enough. No need to spend money we want to keep for ourselves. Not to mention the blessing it can be to have the sound automatically turned down when “Builders” start talking nonsense.

Build Back Later

What do you say, Folks? Do you want to Build Back Better something that doesn’t need any building back? Or do you want to Build Back Later and keep on making outrageous amounts of money?

Sounds like an easy choice.

Smillew is a Medium sized writer who writes about social justice, his Medium newsletter, and his Medium referral link. No need to follow him; he’ll show up in your feed.