Introducing Stupendous Foods!

Superfoods, you’re on the bench

You’ve probably heard of superfoods before. They’re the reigning monarchs of the diet and nutrition empire…until now, that is. Introducing stupendous foods! Leaving superfoods in their nutrient-rich dust, stupendous foods bring even more life-prolonging, memory-enhancing, and pinkie toe-shrinking benefits.

Prepare to live forever.

Bok choy steel cut oats

If you’ve ever wished your oatmeal contained some disgusting vegetable matter, you’re in luck! Let bok choy’s calcium-rich goodness strengthen your bones while the steel cut oats give renewed radiance to your hair, triceps, and eyeballs.

Bran flake avocado toast

This one’s for you, Millenials. If you thought avocado toast was already amazing, wait until you try it with a healthy dusting of bran flakes. Avocados, already offering more potassium than 964 bananas, join forces with bran, the most favored of all colon-cleansers. Have some for breakfast today!

Ostrich egg prune walnuts

Rich in vitamins D, B12, and WD-40, ostrich egg prune walnuts may sound disgusting, but if you can choke down an omelet bigger than your face, you’re guaranteed a healthier heart, cancer immunity, and brain cells that can dance the Charleston.

Kale and acai berry-infused bee powder

The antioxidants in this stupendous food will antioxidize even the most stubborn oxidants right out of your system. (Disclaimer: We have no idea what an oxidant is.)

At any rate, kale, once merely a superfood, has joined forces with that most difficult to pronounce of all berries and then been molecularly combined with bee powder. Prepare to never sleep again, remember things better than the American Summit supercomputer (recently voted most powerful computer on the planet), and levitate.