I'm an Autistic Writer, a Publication Owner, and My Name is Keira Fulton-Lees

Hope is a good thing, perhaps the best of things that life has to offer . . .

Hi, I am Autistic and my name is Keira Fulton-Lees, and I am a Publication Owner, Editor, Writer, Artist, Photographer, Musician, IT Expert, and a person with an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. I am a very involved and passionate Advocate for Autism and I write about my experience Living with the Condition often.

My goal in life and the purpose of sharing my experiences with the Autistic Condition is to Raise Awareness of Autism and its comorbid isssues, such as Anxiety, PTSD, SPD, Alexithymia, Synesthesia, ADHD, Depression, et Al., with the final end goal being that of total equality and geniune Acceptance of individuals that are Autistic the Neurodivergent, those who are on the Spectrum of all Gender Identities, the LGBTQ+ Community, and all others who are justifiably non-conformant to Society’s harmful marginalization and Ableist views of us.

This process helps me not only come to terms with my own struggles, but more so, it is my Hope that my Writing, and the Writers of my Publication (ArtfullyAutistic), can provide relatable real-life experiences from the voices of those of us our kind.

With purpose-driven joyous humility, I strive to instill courage, self-confidence, a sense of being accepted, and it better quality of life for others of Neurodiversity, and to provide inspiration to others who struggle, that we all shall not Just be alive, but truly thrive in actualizing our Authentic Autistic Lives.

In general, I strive to do everything in my power to stymie the stigma of Mental Health issues that sadly is still prevalent in today’s society.

I write Stories, Poetry, and Poetic Prose. You might be puzzled to know that the majority of what I write simultaneously is, and is not, strictly about Autism, or Mental Health, as the manifestation of the Condition of Autism is mutually inclusive of all things in, and of, who I am.

Anything and everything a person with Autism does is and always will be about Autism.

Did you notice that from the very first sentence of my Bio in the first paragraph I stated the following?

“Hi, I am Autistic and my name is Keira Fulton-Lees...”

I stated the above, rather than:

“Hi, my name is Keira Fulton-Lees and I am Autistic.”

Additionally, you might not be aware of is that their is an ongoing debate among the Autistic Community and the world of the U.S. Mental Health System, and it is referred to as Person-First Languge vs. Identity-First Language, with the Mental Health System preferring the former: Person-First Language.

And they have a very good reason for their preference, which I wholly agree with, for all Mental Health issues and Disorders except Autism.

As a make-believe example, you do not want to go around referring to your co-worker Bill, who has Bipolar Disorder as “Bipolar Bill”. Saying it in that way totally dismisses Bill as a person and reduces him down to a Disorder, and that would be disrespectful and harmful to Bill.

So, then why do I, and the majority of the Actually Autistic Community, prefer Identity-First Language?

The following is a quote of mine that I often unapologetically use to more concisely explain why those of us who are Autistic prefer Identity-First Language:

“Unlike other Conditions, Autism is unique, in that it is not about “What we have,” but more profoundly so, it is about “Who we are.” – Keira Fulton-Lees

You see, Autism is so closely tied to our core being, that they're literally is no separating the two. Not only is this true from a Neurotypical (NT) person’s Social perception of Autistics, but it is has been Scientifically proven through empirical evidence and described in numerous peer-reviewed scholarly articles, studies, and MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging procedures, including sMRI and fMRI; Structural and Functional MRI, respectively.

An Autistic person has neuronic and synaptic junctions that take different paths within the brain. In some areas, neurons are vastly more densely connected, while in others, vastly insufficient.

As well, the brain of an Autistic person possesses what is known as Aberrant Neuroplasticity. Aberrant simply means departing from accepted standards, or quite simply abnormal. Neuroplasticity refers to the ability of the brain to re-form new neural connections throughout its lifespan.

This Neuroplasticity is what is behind a Neurotypical (non-Autistic) persons ability to heal and compensate for injury and disease of the brain, as for them, neurons in the brain adapt or regrow new connections in response to new situations, changes in the environment and trauma.

Note: The brains of people with Autism do NOT have the ability to adapt or regrow new neuron and synaptic connections, so until science changes, we are hard-wired to be just as we are.

It can be a very traumatic awakening when an Autistic person becomes aware of this deficit, as we see all the interventions, therapeutic physical and mental health strategies that work on neurotypical people fail miserably to work on us.

To then, as well, be so aware that there is no known cure for Autism, nor should there be. We, who are Autistic, do NOT want our brains or neurological structure changed, as we believe such ideas to be unethical, as those changes would alter the fundamenal core person of who we are. It is a wonderful and uniquely beautiful way that a person with Autism experiences the world around them.

The world of Autism is a world with its own unique language, and life emanates with such immense intensity of all the senses that even I am not able to aptly communicate exactly how it truly feels to be Autistic.

For, there are no words in the English language that accurately describe the way we experience the world, with its vivid imagery of the colours of the Spectrum and the way they manifest within us, become us, and enhance our experience of life with such amplitude. I would not give up being Autistic for anything.

We do not live in a world of choices between blue or red pills. We live in a world within the synchronicity of both pills. So, anything and everything I do and everything I am that makes me – me, is Autism. I am first Autistic, then I am Keira.

Deeply are the stitches interwoven into the fabric of my soul, gathered as one and of the self, Autism is my “all” above everything else. So, with each Story or Poem that I Write, no matter the Topic, the words, the pen, the page, the final Story or Poem, and all things within me and around me, are Autism.

“It is not that Autistic people are broken neurotypical people. It is is that we are a different type of person. I would even go so far as to say that we are in fact even closer to a different species of human being, and in some cases a more evolved and more specialized type of human being” – Keira Fulton-Lees

It is to live in pure hell when you are misdiagnosed with other disorders when you in fact have ASD. With each Autistic Meltdown I had over the years before I was diagnosed, each Meltdown was confused with a manic epoisode by the on-call psychiatrist at my local CSB (Community Services Board.) As a result I spent Ten Times In psych wards in Southern Florida, Virginia Beach, Virginia, williamsburg, Virginia, and as well Richmond, Virginia. Oftentimes, I was TDO’d, and forcefully cuffed by police officers, who escorted me to whatever psych ward had a bed open. With no choice, I reluctantly relented.

If you aren't familiar with the acronym TDO, Virginia Law this refers to a “Temporary Detention Order.” ¹ Basically, you can be detained against your will in a Psych Ward for no less than 48 hours, which can ne extended to 72 hours, and even up to a month or longer. How do you get out? Well, it requires a hearing held at the Psychatric Facility where you are detained, wherein only a Judge can make that decision. The longest I have been in is ten days.

I was judged, juried, and sentenced to a crime not committed – the glove didn’t fit, but I still took the hit, backed into a corner of Bipolar Disorder misordered.

I resigned to this misdiagnosis for far too long, and it took a serious toll on me. At one point I was prescribed a daily cocktail of 31 heavyweight psych pills a day, leaving me in a pervasive zombie-like state, which resulted in a manifestation of terribly disturbing Tardive Dyskinesia side effects that to this day are still are just too painful for me to think about.

It was not until years later, with a new and very astute therapist, did I get my Bipolar rap sheet expunged. Within the first few sessions, she quickly spotted the obvious Autistic traits that were always there right in the face of all my previous and apparently oblivious psychs and therapists who missed them. I took several preliminary tests in her office and scored nearly as high a score as possible in the “Extremely likely to be Autistic” category.

Fast forward several months later just before Christmas, and I underwent a battery of extensive tests by a renowned Neuropsychologist at Bon Secours Neuroscience Center, which resulted in my final official diagnosis of High Functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder. Along with ASD – comorbid conditions of Anxiety, Depression, and ADHD, and I had me an early Christmas stocking chocked full of Mental Health treats!

Autism is to Live as an Alien from Another World on Your Own Planet

I struggle each day to find my place in this world — living between the spaces that separate me into the smallness of a life devoid of closeness.

Frozen in tracks and held in place by forces I cannot control that hide within the cracks in my soul and within a maladaptive place of piercing brightness.

The world spins away just beyond the distance of my ability to reach, and in this state of dissociation I am neither in this world yet not in another, but in a place, in between that I only know when all cognition escapes me.

I have my weapons and I fight back with all of my might, and although I may win the battles, the war wages on with futility and timeless ‘till my death.

This is the life I know as Autism – A life as nobody else knows although you may have the clues if as well labelled such. Perhaps, already I have said too much?

It is unreachable and indescribable, an ever timeless state of agnosia, nobody really knows ya’, encounters begin, encounters end, yet never reaching you, or escaping me, while the toll it casts upon me and speaks to me of giving up – Sometimes in soft whispers, or in wails of withered weeping and gnashing of teeth.

However, there is always hope. There is always a chance. I will never forget that chance is the most unexpected gift of all, and the root of all my creativity and imagination.

It is never forced. It is a chance that is not longed for, undeserved, or above all others — An expectation.

“Every champion was once a contender who refused to give in.” – Rocky Balboa

Don’t ever give in . . . .

Give you . . .

Give me. . .

Give all of us a place where we all fit in.

It has been an ongoing struggle with acceptance of my Autism, but I think I have finally reached there. Throughout all my years of wondering why I never really fit in the way others do, I now have an answer – Now that is powerfully enabling.

I used to say to myself: “If I can see it, I can fix it.”

While I cannot actually fix Autism per se – I can manage it.

Finally getting a correct diagnosis was a very vindicating and empowering experience for me

And I can see it now with such vivid optimistic clarity that it gives me hope.

I have finally reached a place of not only acceptance of my condition, but a place of embracing and celebrating my atypical differences.

Finally knowing why I never really “fit-in”, is a very powerful feeling.

Knowing and feeling from my heart how Dr. Yildiz’s is committed to diversity, I can truly and finally say I have found a one place where I “fit-in”.

I am Autistic, and my name is Keira …

My Autistic “Special Interests” are:

• The Moon – My Beloved Glowing Friend
• Music – I play guitar and compose my own original instrumental Songs
• Art – I love to draw and paint
• Writing and Poetry – I love to write about my life experiences living on the Spectrum, Mental Health, Disability, and other open topics of interest
• Photography – For me, finding just the right shot is to capture and lock-in a special moment in time
• Coding – Mostly in Java and Perl (Perl will always hold a special place in my heart – the Swiss Army Knife of programming! – shebang! #!/usr/bin/perl
• My Son – The Love of My Life – The Steeple atop all my Extraordinary Moon People!

Sincerely,

Keira Fulton-Lees Artfully Autistic Advocate for Autism [email protected]

Owner of the Medium Publication

ArtfullyAutistic and Neurodiverse Writers – In Our Own Words

I am a Writer for:

• Illumination Curated
• Illumination
• The POM
• Storymaker
• The Art of Autism
• The Mighty
• Yahoo! (Distribution of the precending Arrticle on “The Mighty”)

My Profile on Medium

Examples of my Instrumental Music Compositions can be found :

• On bandcamp

Footnotes

¹ Code of Virginia § 37.2–809. Involuntary temporary detention; issuance and execution of order.