Interpreting My Recurring Dreams of Christina Aguilera

Understanding the pop star’s residency in my subconscious.

Dreams are wondrous creations that convince you it’s perfectly logical to find yourself on a cruise to Italy with Barack Obama, who brought along his pet armadillo. Dream logic smooths over the nagging questions such as: ‘Where’s Michelle?’ ‘How do you know Barack?’ and ‘Armadillo?’ Like most people, I’ve had weird dreams, but I’ve only had one recurring dream and it involved Christina Aguilera.

Dream One

The first dream begins in my grandmother’s front yard in a tiny, rural Texas town. There’s a giant pecan tree growing in front of her white wood-panelled house. Across the street is a lonely train track that was once busy, but as I grew older fewer trains came whistling by.

I’m sitting in the soft grass underneath the tall pecan tree, shaded from the scorching Texas sun. The street separating the house from the track is narrow, not quite wide enough for two cars. It’s a quiet road on which you’re just as likely to see someone riding a horse as driving a car.

This is, of course, the perfect dreamland setting for five-time grammy-winning artist Christina Aguilera to stroll down the road by herself. Were this a trendy Santa Monica brunch café or a commuter-filled New York street, spotting the singer of Genie in a Bottle wouldn’t seem odd. However, alone and casually sauntering down a lonely road in a tiny town isn’t something divas do outside of country music videos.

Lucky for me, dream logic takes care of these pesky concerns and even creates a vague backstory. It’s never explained, but Christina and I know one another.

I notice her approaching and say hello. We’re on a first-name basis and she doesn’t hesitate to walk over and sit down next to me under the tree. She sits closer to me than any famous musician ever has, including Reggie Watts, who sat across the aisle from me on a flight to LA.

We talk for a bit and the conversation subsides. We lock eyes and begin leaning in toward one another. We’re going to kiss and we’re doing the super-slo-mo lean that takes ages before lips meet!

Okay, dream-brain, let’s discuss what’s happening here. At the time, I had a couple of Christina’s songs on my phone, but I was unaware I liked her. All this time I thought I had a crush on Rihanna but deep down inside it was Christina?

Let’s also discuss the kiss. It doesn’t appear to be the first time we’ve lip-locked, but we’re not dating. Wait a second, is she my eXtina? So many questions, dream-brain.

Right as our stupidly slow kiss is about to hit its mark, my stupidly slow dream-sister enters the scene. She’s not privy to the dream backstory that Christina and I know one another and screams, “Christina Aguilera?!?”

Christina and I freeze, our lips so close I can smell her wild cherry lip gloss (don’t judge), and we turn to my sister who is looking at me with disgust.

“Brian! What about Sarah?!?”

Christina swivels her head toward me. “Who the fuck is Sarah?”

I’m very confused, pivoting my head back and forth between the two women, “I have no idea.”

Christina stands up, shaking her head, and walks off down the road. She doesn’t look back and I don’t try to stop her. All I do is look at my sister and say, “Who is Sarah?”

My sister stares at me blankly.

And the scene!

Ummmm, dream-brain, WTF? Is this a moral lesson? Are you using Christina Aguilera to mock my string of failed relationships?

As a stand-alone story, I would have forgotten this dream, but it was the first episode in a two-part series. The next night when the dreams began, Christina was waiting for me.

Dream Two

Act two opens on a chilly, New Year’s Eve night at the shitty apartment I shared with two roommates in college. Despite being in my 30’s, dream-brain picked our rundown 1996 apartment with yellowing white walls and shabby grey carpet. Even better, the living room is packed with college kids holding red plastic cups, while I stand by myself with no drink and no friends. Thanks, dream-brain.

I look across the room and spy Christina walking toward me with a smile. No one in the room notices 2013’s People’s Choice Award winner moving past them.

“Hey,” she says softly.

“Hey, Christina. Listen, I have no idea what my sister was talking about.”

Christina’s smile broadens, “I was silly to react the way I did. Let’s try this again.”

“Yes, that would be great.”

I don’t want to be a backseat dreamer, but this moment would have been a good one to trot out that kissing scene again. I’m pretty sure were it my conscious and not my subconscious in charge of the show, we would have queued up a kiss, but dream-brain wants to squeeze out all the drama it can.

Christina nudges closer to me, “Do you have a lighter?”

“No.”

I’m not a smoker so this jibes, but if my dream-brain is trying to get these two crazy kids together, shouldn’t I have a lighter on me for some inexplicable reason? Or, maybe I ask one of the party-goers around us if they have one?

Christina remembers she has a lighter in her car and says will be right back. So, the Lady Marmalade pop princess drove herself to this shitty party? The most realistic part of this dream is how many times I’m standing by myself in a roomful of people.

Not to quibble with my dream-brain, but why didn’t dream boy accompany dream girl to her dream car? If this is a romance, why not have our two romantic leads share a quiet moment away from the noise of the party, even if it is in the parking lot of my college apartment?

Almost as soon as Christina steps outside someone shouts, “Ten seconds!” The entire room begins the countdown, increasing in volume as they near one.

Question — did Christina and I have no idea we were seconds away from the New Year?

The countdown reaches one and the room explodes into cheering and kissing. I’m still standing alone with no drink in my hand. As my discomfort with the situation reaches critical mass, an attractive woman standing next to me, who I haven’t seen until this very moment, asks if she can give me a kiss.

Hmmm, yeah, dream-brain, this happens all the time. You’re standing there with your pop diva love interest and she has to run to her car for her lighter, and immediately a beautiful stranger wants to make out with you.

Of course, I say yes and we kiss. It’s not a peck either. We go full-on face battle with tongues. Christina walks up just in time to witness our festive face-sucking.

I look at Christina and she shakes her head as she did in my grandmother’s front yard, “Again, Brian?”

She turns and walks out of the party. I don’t try to stop her. My new kissy friend also disappears, and I’m alone in the middle of a party to ponder what I have done.

What Are Dreams

I believe dreams mostly serve to clear the cache on the bits of data cluttering the corners of our minds. They tidy up and recycle the debris from our constant brain work. However, I’m no neuroscientist and some experts suggest dreams are more than tools to defragment our brainy hard drives.

Recent studies provide evidence that dreams may be a means of processing stressful or emotional situations. Other experts suggest dreams can serve as a practice ground for preparing ourselves to resolve threatening situations.

If we assume dreams are more than cognitive residue and my subconscious is using 2006’s MTV Europe’s Best Female to tell me something, then our next question is — what does it mean?

Dream Analysis

Perhaps you’re too Jung to care much for Freud, but both of these McDreamys helped launch the scientific interpretation of dreams, which as a field of research now boasts labs and scholarly books.

For those of us too lazy to go full-frontal academic on dream analysis, there are nifty websites such as Dream Moods. According to Dream Moods, my recurring nocturnal dalliances with 2003’s NME Worst Dressed Celebrity are very important.

The message in recurring dreams may be so important and/or powerful that it refuses to go away. The frequent repetition of such dreams forces you to pay attention and confront the dream. It is desperately trying to tell you something.

My subconscious is desperately trying to tell me something with my 2Xtina experiences.

Am I Beautiful?

Am I Dirty?

Do I have Moves Like Jagger?

I turn back to Dream Moods for further analysis. Specifically, what does it mean when I almost kiss Billboard Music’s Top Female of 2000?

To dream that you are kissing or having sex with a celebrity indicates your drive to be successful. Consider what qualities or movies you associate this celebrity with or what makes this celebrity famous for clues as to where and what you want to achieve success in.

My dream-brain acknowledges my drive to be successful, but I don’t sing or dance. I definitely don’t voulez-vous coucher avec moi nor do I gitchie, ya-ya, da-da. What gives, subconscious?

The best I’ve come up with is Christina represents something I like or desire for which my pursuits fall short. I never thought of it as a literal statement on my love life, but I did make sure to keep my sister far away from any new girlfriends.

Takeaway

While I didn’t uncover any profound truths in my recurring Christina dreams, one amusing result is I began thinking she was much more attractive. I hadn’t given Christina much thought before the dreams, but I developed a little crush after. Had I always felt this way on a subconscious level or was it the result of the virtual proximity to her I experienced in dreamland? I think it’s likely a bit of both.

I view my Christina dreams as more of an amusing anecdote than evidence our dreams peer into the hidden truths of ourselves and the universe. That being said, if you’re reading this Christina, meet me under the tree at my grandma’s house. I’ll make sure we can be alone and I’ll have a lighter on me because I now understand that’s what a girl wants.