Instant Love, Just Add Sex
How to stop fooling yourself into a relationship.
Do you use sex to instantly fall in love?
The intrigue and the desire. Vulnerability and openness. Novelty, playfulness, adventure.
Being seen, heard, respected, valued — even worshipped in a way. A tender embrace. Touch, taste, smell — all senses fully engaged.
Dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline… a sweet bouquet of neurochemical euphoria.
A deep sense of presence and connection. Calm safety and companionship.
Surely this is love, right?
Ummm… actually, no. That’s literally just sex.
And that gets normalized eventually within any relationship (it can’t be like the first time, every time).
Countless people build their entire lives on this foundation of smoke and mirrors and are completely baffled every time the magic wears off. This is why many people have affairs.
They claim that they fell out of love, they grew apart, they just wanted different things, they got bored, or whatever.
It’s a tale as old as time, my friends.
And just to be clear, sex is fucking fantastic. Don’t get me wrong. But perhaps nature has designed this animal activity to maximize chances of bonding and attachment to facilitate procreation.
Maybe it’s supposed to feel like love.
Stop Falling
Anthropological musings aside, ya’ll need to know that sex is not love. Feelings aren’t facts. Nature giveth, and nature taketh away. And multiple orgasms do not a relationship make.
This is why it is so important to write down in exquisite detail exactly what you want in a partner. This is the whole premise of the Fix Your Picker downloadable workbook.
Also, this is why we absolutely have to get to know someone as objectively as possible before we hop in the sack.
Surging hormones can turn rational thought into a giddy game of patty-cake.
A little panting and moaning could transform your “I won’t settle” into “He’s got potential.”
It’s the most astonishing magic trick I’ve ever seen. So wonderfully diabolical. And it happens to millions of people, every moment of every day.
So how do you protect yourself from falling in love with sociopaths and deadbeats?
- Stop diving into relationships genitals first
- Really get to know yourself deeply
- Write down exactly what you want in a partner
- Don’t go on any second dates with someone who doesn’t fit the description
That’s a good place to start.
If you want to know more, there are a plethora of resources available here.
Adam Murauskas is a relationship coach and writer. He and his wife Rebecca abandoned their careers and moved to Panamá in 2019 to pursue their passions for writing and helping people heal full time. You can find him on Instagram @fixyourpicker where he posts original content and microblogs daily. Take the free relationship quiz at FixYourPicker.com.
