ARTICLES
Glimpses Of Me
Answers to Those 15 Questions Circulating Around Illumination
- What’s something that nobody could ever steal from you?
Empathy. I may get cynical now and again, but if I see someone in pain, the cynicism dies and I am filled with empathy and compassion. This could be for a person, an animal, even an insect. I cannot bear seeing others suffer.
2. Who would you like to forgive right now?
This question is serendipitous. I just went through a six-month healing journey in which I forgave my parents, siblings, friends and even my enemies for any wrongs they may have done against me and even any perceived wrongs. My new therapist and my sister were a big help toward this forgiveness, but I also used Ho’oponopono. The only person I still need to forgive is myself. At times, I am still my own worst enemy.
3. What is happiness?
This is fairly difficult for me to answer. I don’t think I have ever experienced true happiness. I will have brief moments of joy in my life, but I don’t know what my own personal definition of happiness is. I guess I know more about what it is not than what it is. I think this is a life lesson I still need to learn.
4. What impact do you want to leave on the people you love?
.Above all, I want them to know I do love them, even if I have a difficult time sometimes showing that love. The words are easy enough to say, but my actions have not always made that love real to those I love. I’ve lost my Mom, Dad and brother in recent years and I don’t know if any of them passed on knowing how much I truly loved them. I won’t let that doubt be in any of my remaining family and friends’ minds.
5. What is life too short to tolerate?
Toxic relationships. I live by the (paraphrased) adage — If someone tears you down instead of lift you up, it is time to ditch that person. I just don’t have the mental or physical energy to tolerate emotional vampires sucking me dry.
6. What’s something that used to scare you, but doesn’t anymore?
As strange as it sounds, I used to be terrified of living. Death was simple for me, but putting all the time and effort into living was exhausting and scary. I had an epiphany when I was diagnosed with cancer. I realized that I wasn’t quite ready to give up living and had to figure out how to overcome the desire for death. It was a slow process, but as my body healed from cancer and chemo, I worked on that fear. Sometimes, it still gives me a momentary fright, but for the most part, I am over that phobia.
7. What do you want to remember forever?
I cannot really hope for my memories to last. My long term memory is shot and my short term is fading. However, there are sounds and smells that I hope I never lose understanding for why they are precious to me. Things like the sound of ocean waves crashing on the shore, children’s laughter, a cat’s purr, birds’ songs, cinnamon reminding me of mom’s cinnamon rolls or apple pies, fresh baked bread — another back home smell, fresh biscuits and jam from my paternal grandmother’s kitchen, garlic and herbs from my maternal grandmother’s kitchen, and the scent of coffee perking that reminds me of so many lovers in the past.
8. What do you always look forward to?
Writing something that matters. Whether it is to cleanse my own soul or inspire someone else’s soul. When I am not writing, I don’t really have much too look forward to. Sad, isn’t it?
9. What do you most appreciate about your life?
That I have a husband who is as accepting of me as I am of him. We never argue over the big things — money, sex, housecleaning, etc. We sometimes have battles of wit, but that isn’t always a bad thing. We are both introverts, so we know the importance of “alone time.” And we give one another the freedom to create — he is an artist and I am both a writer and artist.
10. What recently reminded you of how time flies?
My father’s recent first anniversary of passing. I am still saddened by his passing and it seems like only yesterday, but no — it’s been a whole year.
11. What’s something that everyone should be able to say before they die?
This is who I am. My authentic self. Regardless of who that authentic self is. Gay, straight, something in between. Male or Female or a combination. Everyone should have the chance to clear their closets out and just BE whomever they are and speak their truth about themselves.
12. In one sentence, who are you?
I am a spiritual being who accepted this journey through all the ups and downs of a human so that I can go back home more knowledgeable — and maybe try it all over again.
13. What’s the number one life change you need to make in the next six months?
I guess I discovered it here, answering these questions. I need to learn what makes me truly happy and be able to have my own personal definition of Happiness.
14. What would you do differently if you knew no one would judge you?
I would dig out my black leather, lace, and burgundy clothes, dye my hair black again, and goth up my face. Turn time back to the late 80s to mid-90s when I was a goth chick and didn’t care what others thought of me. Sadly, all my wrinkles would show under the pale make-up and the black hair would make me look much older than I already am. I do still wear some of my gothic clothes now and again — usually just tops and skirts, no more leather catsuits for me.
15. In one word, what do you live for?
Writing
Well, that’s another peek into me. This madness came about via John C Davis, John Ross and Gurpreet Dhariwal who also shared it from Aurora Eliam, Salam Khan and Kevin Buddaeus — whoooohoooooo all aboard~a chain-train!
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Lori Carlson writes poetry, fiction, personal essays, creative non-fiction, and articles. She focuses on Spirituality, Life Lessons, Self-Awareness, Relationships, Mental Health, and LGBTQ+. She is the Owner/Editor of Promptly Written and Not For Bedtime Stories. You can find her older stories on her creative writing blog, Ravyne’s Nest and random ramblings on her personal blog, A Delicious Torment.