Insanely Short but Meaningful Article #12
Handling The Suffering Caused When Your Dreams Die.
I love the field of psychology. Today, I want to talk about a type of grief we endure that is known as “ambiguous grief”. It is the type of grief that comes along and almost knocks us out. Hitting us with a sucker punch of reality.
Most people don’t realize they’ve even encountered such grief. Let me give you some examples as to the types of grief that can cause a sudden, overwhelming sadness within you. I have felt this at many times during my life.
My most recent experience with this type of grief came to me when I was in my nephrologist’s (kidney doctor) office earlier this week. I have Type 2 Diabetes, high blood pressure, and high triglycerides. My cherished endocrinologist (Diabetes and Metabolism doctor) broke the news to me that based on my lab work, my kidney function was declining. I took a look at the lab work, being I have a vast medical background, and saw that my GFR was 37. That is the Glomerular Filtration Rate, or how well the kidneys are filtering out the body’s waste. It’s supposed to be between 60–100.
Needless to say, there was a sudden period that I just sat there, almost in tears. Devastated. Asking myself how I could have “let” this happen?!?! My two beautiful bean shaped organs that have flowed almost poetically, regulating my body’s functions and filtering out the things my body didn’t need — I must not have been caring for enough.
Then, seconds later, thoughts rushed into my mind that I’d never walk on the beach with my wife as the cute little old couple holding hands I had envisioned, or get to enjoy the retirement I had always dreamed of — because I’d probably soon be heading on the next train to my local dialysis center, because my kidneys had given up and died. It was the saddest state I found myself to be in a long time. A feeling of utter helplessness.
My example above is only one. There are many more, such as:
- Not getting to say what you wanted to a loved one before they died.
- The sense of loss you feel suddenly when you realize you’ll never bear a child.
- A big dream that never became a reality. A failed accomplishment.
- A relationship that you didn’t give your best to, but you wish you had.
- A vision of what life would look like in the future that you know will never happen.
- Wishing you would have gone to your son’s baseball game, but instead you were “too busy”. Now, you regret it because he wanted YOU there.
- You get injured and aren’t able to play piano, or play sports.
- Any reality that “looks different” than what you imagined or hoped for.
My friends, I am with you. I’m sure that 90% of you reading this, at some point in your life, have felt that type of sudden letdown and disappointment. It comes along and punches you right in the stomach. Hits you like a ton of bricks. And guess what, you can’t go back and change things. I am with you because I have been there in my life, I know at least 20 times. We seemingly rise to fall. We get up only to be let down. But let me bring you some calm now.
Let us first start with acknowledging the greatest of prayers. This one:
“ God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
The next thing we do is we ACCEPT the grief. Let it flow. Cry. Don’t bag grief up or tell yourself you don’t want to deal with it. Your mind and your soul need this time to grieve in order for it to flourish and return to normalcy.
Realize that grief doesn’t last forever. That as time ticks away, grief will fade. It may resurface years down the road. Something may trigger it. But then deal with it again, as I told you above.
Talk to someone who will listen. Someone who cares about you, and where your life is going. My best friend ever is my wife. I have cried in front of her over sad movies like a big baby, and I know I can come to her like a big baby with my grief and my failed dreams and realities. I’m human.
Finally, know that you can always reach out to me. Shocking, isn’t it? A writer who doesn’t want your money, doesn’t want you to click on a link, and doesn’t fill your head full of BS, and tell you that life is a field of roses. I have a gigantic heart. I am brimming over with love. Not only that, but I read every comment I get, appreciate every single one, and I actually respond. So if you feel you have no resources, or no one worth reaching out to, reach out to me! I didn’t spend 25+ years in healthcare because I didn’t care.
I hope you enjoyed this article, and at least realize now that you aren’t in the boat alone with your grief. Furthermore, there is always someone who has more to grieve over than you do! If you enjoyed this article, and found it soul-stirring, give a clap or leave me a comment. If you’d like to email me, just ask in the comments. There’s very little medically and psychologically that I haven’t either dealt with or visualized. My wish for all of my readers is inner peace and happiness until death. We have 1 life. Don’t forget to live it…
Luv ya’ll! Hey! Read my other 11 articles! They are pretty good, too! :)
