SEX AND POLITICS
Infrastructure Innuendo is Trending
It’s time to capitalize
Pundits say infrastructure isn’t sexy, but that’s why they’re pundits instead of people with active, fulfilling social lives. Meanwhile, out in the bars and clubs, in the online dating world, and in gyms and organized protests across the country, infrastructure-themed come-ons are hot.
But, like with anything, there’s a right way and a wrong way.
It’s okay to ask a potential partner if their highway needs paving, but don’t try to twist asphalt into ass fault. Total pundit move.
If the vibe is clear, it’s fine to come on strong. Lines like, “I’ve got your high-speed rail right here,” can really move things along.
Be careful about getting unpleasantly graphic, though. Avoid any mention of flood control, filling potholes, or anything sewer-related.
Aim to make your initiative into a shared endeavor. Ask if they want to work together to erect a bridge. Offer to exchange safety inspections of each other’s tunnels. Request help in extending your pipeline.
Remember, only an op-ed writer would make references to pubic transport, the pubic sector, pubic education, etc.
If you’re feeling a little horny, don’t hesitate to get a little corny. For example, you could ask if they’re one of the new electric charging stations, because you just felt a jolt. Or, “Is that a trillion-dollar spending bill in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?” If you’re really desperate for a line, try suggesting that the two of you build an on-ramp to love.
But sometimes you just want to get funky. So put it out there: “You can dredge my harbor anytime.” Or, “I’d love to supply the wood for your reforestation project.”
Bottom line, so to speak: efficient transportation and communication systems will remain essential to your sex life over the long haul. While enjoying the current trend, keep in mind that massive public works contracts may come and go, but clean, well-functioning infrastructure will always be a turn-on.
Bonus tip for anyone chatting up a woman: under no circumstances should you use the term broadband, unless you are actually employed as a pundit with a syndicated weekly column.