Inflamed!

We’re burning from the inside out.

Are you an optimist? Do you wake up on the right side of the bed every day? Do you see the glass as “half full?”

If so, hold onto your yoga mat as I’m about to burst your bubble and slap your unicorn right on his silky ass cheeks. Oh, look: He’s already running for the hills.

That’s because your unicorn, being the sensitive and intuitive creature it is, knows that, when it comes to “being healthy,” we mortals are completely and utterly fucked.

Why? Inflammation, my sizzling friends. The scourge of our time. The root cause of every single disease known to man. An epidemic that is systematically wending its way through the food we eat, the air we breathe, the products we use to make us look good and smell better — and our bodies, themselves.

Inflammation, in and of itself, is natural. It’s the body’s response to an invader, whether it be a knock on the knee that causes pain and swelling, a bee sting that triggers an allergic reaction, or a cyst on an organ, like your hops-engorged liver.

Before you stop reading and screw up my already pitiful stats, let me hit you with the good news: Our immune systems create inflammation to protect our bodies from infections, injuries or diseases. However, much in the same way that one glass of red wine a day is good, and three, not so great — inflammation can take a dark turn. It can become either acute (the lesser form) or chronic.

Acute inflammation is the normal response to a short-term injury, like a common muscle sprain or skin irritation. It doesn’t hang around long and is usually characterized by the following signs: Redness, pain, swelling, heat and in some cases, immobility. These symptoms appear fairly quickly and we’ve all experienced them in some form or another. Acute inflammation helps restore the body to its “normal” state prior to the injury or illness that triggered it.

Chronic inflammation is another beast, entirely. This bastard sticks around like a discarded lover who doesn’t quite get it. Although generally less severe than acute inflammation, it can occur without injury and doesn’t necessarily end when the problem is resolved. Among the signs: Fever, mouth sores, chest and abdominal pain, fatigue and rashes. In other words, good times!

This is what makes chronic inflammation so scary: It can have long-term, whole-body effects, where the inflammation is low-grade, but persistent and steady. Yes! Your body on “simmer.” Hardly “chicken soup for the soul.”

Chronic inflammation is a sign that something is amiss in the body. Like a perceived internal threat, even if there isn’t a specific disease or injury to treat. Researchers are still struggling to understand the whys and wherefores of this response but basically, our immune systems respond by unleashing a swarm of white blood cells which, when they have nothing to do and nowhere to go, start attacking healthy organs, tissues and cells.

David Cronenberg has nothing on this.

If left untreated, and it often is, chronic inflammation can cause our bodies to break down and be susceptible to heart disease, stroke, cancer. All the stuff that goes bump in the night and scares the shit out of us.

No surprise here, but the food we eat and the way we live, along with environmental exposures, have a massive impact on how “inflamed” we are.

In other words, stock up on whatever gets you through those nights, because it appears we’re screwed, people. But, that said, there are things we can do to minimize the damage. (You didn’t think I was going to end this on a downer, did you?)

Of course, it goes without saying that you should consult with your doctor if something untoward is going on in your body. That’s the first line of defense.

I mentioned diet. First and foremost, stay away from anything processed. Processed food is the devil. This is not news, so just do it. Whenever possible stick to whole, fresh foods. Oscar Mayer is not your friend. Never will be.

From our friends at WebMd, we should also be piling our plates with the following:

Colorful fruits and veggies. You know the drill: Spinach, green, red and yellow peppers, berries, broccoli, kale — all the good stuff. Crunch and munch as much and as often as you can.

Fatty fish. Salmon, sardines, herring — all are a great source of protein and the long-chain omega-3 fatty acids EPA and DHA.

Avocados. Yep. You can still have your trendy avocado toast. They’re packed with potassium, magnesium, fiber, and heart-healthy monounsaturated fats.

Whole grains. You can’t go wrong with brown rice, barley, millet, whole-wheat bread and other unrefined grains that are fiber-rich. Try oatmeal savory style, instead of sweet. I have and it’s delicious. Hit it with a little olive oil, a good shake of garlic powder, a splash of hot sauce and a poached egg. A little sprinkle of organic cheese adds to the unctuousness. Comfort food in a bowl, and so good for you.

Beans and legumes. Also high in fiber and protein. (You don’t need meat for protein!)

Herbs and spices. Cook and season with antioxidant-rich spices like turmeric, curry powder and garlic, which helps curb the body’s ability to create an environment that supports inflammation.

Mushrooms. Also rich in antioxidants, plus selenium, copper and all the B vitamins. And, they’re very low in calories. I love my fungi sautéd in olive oil with lots of garlic.

Extra virgin olive oil. One of the healthiest fats you can eat, EVO is rich in monounsaturated fats and a staple in the Mediterranean diet, which is not only delicious, but provides numerous health benefits, as well.

Green tea. Drink as much as your bladder can hold, folks. This healthful sip is loaded with antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties, especially a substance called epigallocatechin-3-gallate (EGCG), which reduces inflammation by reducing pro-inflammatory cytokine production (a type of protein) and damage to the fatty acids in your cells.

As previously mentioned, avoid any foods that are greasy, super-sweet, fatty and heavily processed. Put down that Pop Tart and pick up an apple, instead. Add a schmear of peanut butter for quick and easy protein/healthy carb combo.

Also, cut down on your consumption of red meat, if you haven’t already. In fact, and this is another story altogether, we’d all be better off sticking to a plant-based-only diet. Just sayin.’

Okay, my fellow hotties. That’s a start, no? Yet, I can’t leave you hanging without mentioning one more “influencer” of chronic inflammation. Acute and ongoing stress.

For that, I can only say, “Good luck.”

Sherry McGuinn is a longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

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