Infidelity And My IUD

Self-care is number one.

I got an IUD.

Intrauterine Device. Significantly reduces the chance of getting pregnant, especially at my age.

I was waiting in my doctor’s office, in my 40’s, for this procedure. Birth control is not part of my daily routine. My child is grown. The chances of me getting pregnant at this age are low.

But it is a possibility. One that I could not take in this secret life. Yes, there is risk in what we do. When you commit adultery, there is a risk.

There is a cost.

I’ve felt some of them very keenly over the past six months.

Regret. Sadness. Loss. Confusion. Anger. You name it. I’ve felt it. Stress levels are thru the roof.

I haven’t been laughing this whole time.

One of the men I got to call a friend told me that I could give it up anytime.

This is true. I can walk away and just stop it.

I don’t want to. So, I mitigate risk. Take care of yourself first.

Some of the things are beyond my control. I am not responsible for anyone’s decisions outside of my own. So if a man decides I’m not his cup of tea, then that’s his decision. If I decide he’s not the person I need, then it’s no harm, no foul. If he lies or I lie about any of it, then that is a risk we take. If he decides at the last minute to bail our meeting up, one of us is out the hotel bill or days worth of leave or pay. There are costs I cannot control.

One thing I can control is what I do with my body and allow in my body. Safe sex and checking for diseases is a must-have. A baby at this point in my life would be dangerous. I’d never put an unborn child at risk.

So I made the decision to get an IUD. The procedure had discomfort. I was scared that my husband would find out. It’s going to affect my body for the next five years. The device costs $400.00. There were risks to this and expenses.

I am willing to pay them. I needed to ensure that I reduced the chance of pregnancy as much as I could. Condoms only work if you are in a sound mind to make sure he’s wearing one.

When I’m in the room, and he’s fucking me like no tomorrow, I’m not in sound mind. I am not thinking. It’s all feelings and being in the moment. He’s going to ask me if he can come inside me and I’m just gonna say yes.

In fact, I did. Then I had a pregnancy scare. My period didn’t arrive when it should have.

I was telling myself that it was stress. That it was menopause starting. Telling myself anything. I even did two pregnancy tests to make sure I wasn’t. When it did finally show up, I was so relieved.

I didn’t wait. I made the appointment. It wasn’t the worst procedure I’ve ever had done, but it did hurt. Minor pain is worth the result. Cramping and pain are worth the result.

So I mitigate risk. I keep work and home separate from this secret life. I do what I can to stay the same person even when I’m not. I’ve changed. What I accepted before is no longer acceptable.

I continue to level out my stress. This is stressful. It’s not all fun and laughing and orgasms. Talking with another human about having an affair with them is full of risk and stress. I haven’t found a way yet to get rid of stress. It’s getting lower as time passes, but it’s still there in the back of my mind.

So my advice, if you want any…take care of yourself first. Take care of the things that you can control. If the person you want to see won’t take any of the cost, maybe they are not the best person for you.

Regardless of what they bring to the table…

Take care of yourself first.

A less stressful day!