In The Night In My Dreams

In the night in my dreams I am living like we used to live during waking hours.

In my dreams I see other people, not through glass or on my computer,

I see them out in bars, or at meetings, kissing cheeks, hugging,

Holding their hands, I feel them and they are warm.

In the night in my dreams, I am one among many, on a street with throngs of people

Walking in a wave together toward a common destination.

In the night in my dreams, I am not a lonely woman socially isolated in a small town in Maine.

I am a dancer at a club in Madrid,

I am drinking wine in the fields of Tuscany,

I am a painter on the banks of the Seine, with a city throbbing at my back.

In the night in my dreams, I am a shopper on Fifth avenue flitting in and out of stores,

I am a farmer having a pint at a pub in the countryside,

I am a student ordering coffee at a cafe on the corner,

I casually rub shoulders with others as we stand side by side in the subway.

In the night in my dreams this surreal life-scape is imagined.

The restaurants are all open, we are eating oysters at an open-sided bar in The Old Port

We are ordering lobster rolls at Reds in Wiscasset,

Standing in line and laughing at the absurdity of waiting an hour for a sandwich.

Laughing with the dozens of other people enjoying the absurd adventure with us.

At night in my dreams we are at the beach in Ogunquit and it is filled with vacationers

We haul the cooler, umbrella, tote bag, buckets, chairs, towels, toys and boogie boards,

And claim a place at the edge of the tideline,

We smile at all the other smiling people crowded together by the sea.

But now it is not night and I am not dreaming.

I am here in my house watching the world on my laptop.

I am making up stories and brushing the dog.

I am baking bread I am not hungry enough to eat.

I am figuring out how to make the food last for 3 more weeks

Because the grocery store is the most frightening place I have to go.

In the now I vacuum and dust, though dust and gritty floors don’t particularly bother me.

I eat the last of the chocolates I bought for comfort

And know I will have to bake tomorrow if I want something sweet.

In the now I don’t worry about running out of gas,

I worry about having too much time.

I wish for a jigsaw puzzle, and hunt for a deck of cards.

In the now I use my sewing machine to make cotton masks,

Later I will sew curtains for the front bedroom.

Maybe I will venture outside and clean out the flower bed neglected in the side yard.

In the now I am thrilled when I find a half roll of toilet paper under my bed,

Fallen off the nightstand after using it for a sniffle in early winter.

When having a sniffle was not a cause for having a panic attack.

In the now I am counting little blessings and getting better at give and take.

I check the steepness of the curve and ponder statistics of death, rather than checking my local weather forecast.

In the now it has become night so I will go to sleep and dream.

It is night and I will dream about crowded bars and beaches,

And parties and music festivals, and hikes with groups of friends.

I will dream of having a Seder next year.

Good night, good night, night will soon be over.