In The Name Of My Father Chapters: 15, 16 & 17

On coming out…

Cam was reliving his close shave, disclosing his ‘coming out’ with Alistair. Would he care? Would it alter their friendship? Or would their secrets be the glue that binds?

Unexpected love is the easiest of all. It arrives without herald or favor. There is no time for fashioning or shaping. It’s just suddenly there, beautifully wrapped, on the doorstep.

How to unwrap it is the challenge.

The night would be forever etched in his memory, his first gay-bar experience, a nondescript building that nobody would pay much attention to. And yet it turned out to be so special.

It was serendipity at its best!

There he was, a confused and lonely priest, determinedly trying to find himself, in a gay bar, as geographically far away from his home and from the seminary as was possible, and it had magically happened.

It was difficult to believe at first. This venue he had so carefully chosen, had been the one! Positioned at least a four-hour drive from the seminary, and twice as far from home, distant enough to have presumed his anonymity, it had served as a gift waiting to be unwrapped.

Initially Cam had sidestepped him, cornered like a frightened rat, unsure of what to do, or where to go, and like a young boy in the first flush of attraction, he slid into the comforting relief of a dark recess of the adjoining room.

His heart raced from the possibility, the ignominy of being caught with his pants down. How could things have conspired so badly against him?

With his anxiety on overload, he frantically tried to think about how he might behave in the moment.

Escape?

His mind was a blur. But then suddenly Felix was right in front of him, totally assured, and smiling in welcome.

“Cam!’ he said softly, “I thought it was you. I actually had to do a double take, for to be honest, I couldn’t believe my luck. Here am I, deliberately hiding out in a bar where I felt safe, and just moments before I am about to leave, I spy you, an across-the-room figure that even in the close proximity of the seminary I had little pleasure in knowing…well, maybe not as well as I might have liked to!” he added with a wry smile.

He was bluffing surely, Cam thought. How, in this situation could he be putting on such a blasé performance?

“How are you?” he continued. “How incredible to have bumped into each other…and dare I suggest that the universe conspires for those of us in need? What on earth are you doing here?”

“Probably much the same as you Felix…I just needed a break away from things. I’ve been struggling. I told my superiors that I needed to go home to family, but the truth is that family is the last thing I need right now.”

“And why do you say that?”

“Can you imagine? I’m sure they have always labored under their suspicions about me, and I have never had the mental space, or the tenacity, to answer any of their probes. But now I know. I need time to be me, to mull things over and be far away from my demons that plague me in the dark,” he garbled frantically.

“Settle down Cam. No need to worry. It’s not as if you have been sprung by the Pope himself. Besides, I think I understand what you are saying.”

“You do? You would be the only one in that case!”

“Let me put it this way,” Felix said gently. “It strikes me that you are the only rainbow sheep of your family. Would I be getting anywhere close?”

“The rainbow sheep…I like that. Well I suppose it’s an accurate description.”

“It’s not easy. Like you, my parents have no idea. They are blissfully proud of their only son, ‘a servant of the Lord’.”

“I’d keep it that way if I were you.”

“Why do you say that?”

“There was a palpable relief in my parents when I announced that I was considering the priesthood. They were ecstatic. From then on it was encouragement all the way…maybe even a more-than-gentle push that I didn’t need.”

“Ah yes, I have a cousin who was an only child. Her parents couldn’t wait to marry her off. She had ONE boyfriend, just one, and he was dragged into the family by the seat of his pants, and married off to her, just in case he changed his mind. It was like they had to have her married and safe, just in case they had to suffer the shame of her getting pregnant. Needless to say the marriage ended in divorce…sans children…and she has since come out.”

“Not much different with me…could be gay…no, he’s not…he wants to be a priest…yes! Let’s get him there before he changes his mind. If you think about it, the sentiment behind each is pretty much the same.”

“So, studying to be a priest, must have been a sham? Is that what you are saying?”

“Correct, given that I am here, hiding from anybody I might know, hoping to meet up with somebody who could make me feel better about myself.”

“You wouldn’t be the only one from all I see, and there’s a good chance that, even if your parents understood your sexuality, they just didn’t know how to deal with it. In small communities there is a huge amount of judgement, so it’s much easier to say your son’s a priest and working for God, rather than admit he’s a homosexual. Hey… just to cheer you up…I read recently that homosexuality is a punishable offense of seven years’ jail in Russia…seems there’s a waiting list of at least five years.”

The mood was immediately lighter as the two enjoyed the joke.

“Do you feel like a drink?” Cam asked. “I’ll be a bit more relaxed with a glass of wine. Besides, even if it doesn’t set the records straight, it just helps with the flow of conversation. Got any preferences?”

“Any good shiraz is fine by me Cam, though I have a preference for the Limestone Coast of South Australia. They tend to do a fine, gutsy drop.”

“You have fine taste. As it turns out I also enjoy the wines from that region, so let’s try a bottle of Stonehaven. There’s a 2008 vintage on the list, and from all I’ve read it’s not a bad year!”

“A wine connoisseur, who just happens to be gay, AND a priest…you’re a walking contradiction my friend.”

“Ouch! Don’t put it that way. I face the paradox every damned day of my life, so the fact that you’re mentioning it at all, is a bit too close for comfort right now! But hey, I’m willing to bet there are others within our ranks. Let me ask you a question? Did you have me pegged as a possibility…or were there more?”

“I think you already know the answer to that.”

“So, back to your suggestion about the priesthood being a sham for me. The truth is I became a priest because I needed to find some semblance of sanctuary, some brotherhood. Life is not easy for people who don’t fit into the accepted mold.”

“Why do you feel you had to fit in? I mean, some of the world’s leaders have been leaders simply because they were different.”

“A different sort of different I think.”

“Not necessarily so, and as Dr. Seuss said, ‘Why fit in, when you were born to stand out?’”

“One of my favorite quotes and it’s true. Why indeed, but it’s easier said than done. The leaders you talk about, and I can think of quite a few, must have had a healthier appreciation about being different than I did. I didn’t because the framework of my growing and developing was too weak to support me.

“As for having a taste for good red I will happily blame that one on my father. I was an early starter. I liked drinking because it made me respond in two ways. I could forget about being gay…or on a good day, I could celebrate being…let’s use the pejorative word that you and I can respond to…being a poofter,” he struggled.

“You need rescuing mate.”

“You’re probably right, but red wine or no, from the time I started to question my sexuality I realized exactly why I was marginalized. True friends don’t question. They accept you for who you are, but sadly, they are few and far between. When truth is out, many people allot you a new highway.

“The truth is I was still unsure about things. How can you ever really find out about yourself? I was able to appreciate a pretty girl, and that was enough to have me wondering. Can you be one hundred per cent either way…straight or gay? And though my predilection is towards males, maybe I could have been persuaded otherwise…had the right person come along!

“I’ve never apportioned any blame to anyone about who I am. The fault could so easily have been mine, the way I reacted in situations, or that others reacted to me, and being left out in the cold by some, but feeling marginalized by people sure helped me make up my mind to turn things around to suit myself. My teens were struggle years that often were too much of a challenge. I just couldn’t conform to what was expected, so I found a coping mechanism.’

“And that was?”

“Humor! I tried to be the inveterate clown and it worked for a while, but you know how it is. Gradually it stopped being effective. People matured, dumped me, and my jokes, and moved on and I was always left the casualty in the situation, ever alone and perpetually wanting, and wondering what I could have done better. Does anybody really understand what that does to a person?”

“Most don’t give it a second thought…egocentric beings…recognizing another person’s pain doesn’t fit into their grand plans.”

“I think you could be on the money, for if they did, if it was really important to them, they would try a better response. I don’t think too many people are so uncaring. I really don’t, but they certainly don’t think.

“For a while I tried dating girls to make up for everything else, but it wasn’t for me. I’d no idea what to talk to them about. Nights out were always punctuated by awkward silences. Worse still, they never got my jokes. No wonder I was a bag of nerves, and that left me with one of two options, either to give up, or move on. I chose both.”

“What do you mean exactly?”

“Well, with women and jokes out of the way I got caught up in study where I found that I was a natural student, criminal law initially. I was totally fascinated, that was until I found myself on the other side of gay legislation and I knew I could never be impartial.”

“What a shame! You could have worked on resolving that, and you should have been offered help. Besides, you might have found that it was exactly the same on the other side of the fence, the impartiality that is!”

“I’ve wondered about that. I could at least have given it my best shot. Instead I found myself living in No-Man’s-Land. To be honest it’s a shit place to spend your life…little more than a breeding ground for drug-taking, mental collapse and suicide, and that scared the living daylights out of me. I was determined it would not be a place that I’d hang around in for too long.”

The two sat quietly, wrapped in a mutual melancholy few would have understood. There was so much to be shared, and they could have opened up further with each other, but somehow it wasn’t the right time, or the right space…but eventually Cam continued, his voice tinged with sadness:

“So the priesthood, with all its foibles, was a pathetically second choice for me! I imagined it would allow me to hide behind my loneliness. Actually that’s not quite right. What I should have said was that I hoped that it would REMOVE my loneliness and give me purpose. And what was even more exciting, was I would enjoy a standing in the community, something I craved, and my parents, God bless their cotton socks, could stop their perpetual worrying and be, for once, PROUD!”

Felix rested a reassuring arm on his friend’s shoulder, giving Cam the courage to continue.

“In so many ways, my ‘calling’ has been a good choice for them and me. For the first time in my life I feel comfortable in my own skin. In a world of men I am buoyed along in the notion that where once I was held up for ridicule, I am now on something of a pedestal.”

“And as humans, don’t we all crave that to some extent?”

“Sure…but also, there is a comfort in the priesthood that allows me to feel a little bit normal, whatever normal is. Sadly though, it’s not enough. I still search, I crave, and I know that things need to change for me. Like a kid in the candy store I’m hoping to come up with the perfect sweetness.”

“And then,” he added, his voice animated and excited, “I go to a gay bar, for all the right reasons, and YOU find ME. How’s that for the universe conspiring to bring two disparate characters together?”

“What’s that thread that the Chinese people talk about…it’s an invisible thread that…”

“Ah yes. I have read about it. It unites people who are destined to meet at some point in their lives.”

And together they triumphantly finished the saying. ‘The thread may tangle and twist but will never break.’

“I actually find the idea pretty comforting. The notion that there are particular people you are destined to meet, by whichever means, is too exciting for words. And who knows? Maybe we two are part of that, children of the universe whose ties are predestined. But now that I have shared so much about me, can I ask why you are here, thread or no thread? Or is that the bleeding obvious?”

“Not quite that…the truth is, I don’t really know. When I come here I feel as if I fit in. I’ve been a few times. It’s a place I stumbled upon, and now, when I come, I leave feeling so much better about myself. People are funny and kind and welcoming, and they’re not up-front, in-your-face inquisitive. Neither are they judgemental. Here I can be as invisible, or visible, as I like.

“There’s no blatant gayness, none of the off-putting sexual stuff that makes so many of us duck for cover. I may be gay, but I’m not into gay parades and the purveying of difference. Think about it. You don’t get heterosexuals parading their normality, do you? So why do some people complain that we shove difference in their faces?”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that. But, there again, heterosexuals have not had to fight for acceptance. When you have to struggle, and I mean REALLY struggle to be recognized, my way or the highway tends to be the preferred option for getting the message out to people.”

“Yes I accept that, but this particular bar is different in that it welcomes everybody. It’s not just for gays. There’s a subtle acceptance that whatever you are, gay, or straight, or bisexual, rich, poor or indifferent, you’re just bloody welcome. People who come here tend to be more accepting of each person’s version of humanity. And let me tell you, because I have tried it out. No matter where you hang your hat in the world, there is no way you can beat that!”

It turned out to be the most wonderful night, a few drinks with Felix, a shared appreciation of fine wines, and never had two people seeking acceptance bartered so much truth and honesty. At the end of the night, reluctantly, they each parted ways, vowing to catch up soon, each assured that there was little wrong with either of them but there was possibly a helluva lot wrong with the world.

A night of an unexpected sharing where together they reached the conclusion that things are not necessarily black, or white, or both, but instead might be some ever-changing shades of grey with jabs of startling color of life in between, was pure nourishment for two struggling souls caught in the dawn of their discovery.

Cam realized that despite this, he could still be forever scratching his head, questioning and debating, but now he would allow himself to do so without fear or favor. This was how his life was destined to be, reflecting, correcting, adjusting, and accepting, but he could live with that. The world, the future, for everyone, was a roller coaster of change, sometimes wild and exciting, sometimes fearful, and at times dull and predictable. But now there was reason for him to hope personally for those seasons of beauty and engagement that others tended to take for granted, for there are no absolutes.

One thing he was certain of was that whilst at no time would things ever be totally under his control, neither would they be for people whose sexuality was validated by what was seen as society’s norm.

In EVERY way, that was comforting!

As he lay back in Alistair’s lounge room, thinking about the night the two had shared, Cam reflected on the sobering reality that as humans we must every day face our demons. That is an integral part of growing and developing, of being alive. As for his own life, he was certain that he would find a way, not to confront his demons, but to live comfortably with them, to change the face of his devils. There was no formula for normality. Perhaps it was overrated anyway, and there was no doubt in his mind that no loving God would have mandated that there be only one way.

Lying awhile, enveloped in his own arms, he suddenly felt totally at peace with himself. What could possibly feel better than that? He realized how much more confident and insulated he now felt from the judgement of others.

His world, indeed the whole world, suddenly felt like a much less threatening place.

Reluctantly he unwrapped himself, collected a glass of iced water from the kitchen, and stole quietly to the seclusion and sanctuary of his bedroom. With the curtains deliberately open to the stars above, he lay there, alone with his thoughts, with Felix and the speculative wonders and hopes of all his tomorrows.

A Possible Opportunity and the Chance of a Meeting

“What was in my head?” Alistair groaned in the days that followed Cam’s visit.

For someone who had always played his cards close to his chest,disclosing, was far removed from his nature.

He should have known! In all his life he’d never witnessed an intelligent drunk. He had one person to blame.

His gut reaction was to email Cam and blame it on the wine, but he knew there was no point. The die had been cast. If you want to keep anything a secret, AND, if you plan to drink, then make the decision beforehand to measure your intake. It doesn’t take a genius to work that out that all it takes is that first drink, another follows, after which, drink, with all its ills, takes over.

Better to let sleeping dogs lie. In time the guilt would fade, and the memory might become little more than a blur…for both of them.

His mobile pinged.

“Hey Alistair…just wanted to say thanks for a brilliant couple of days together. God alone knows what we talked about…can’t remember much, give or take the headache next day, but hey, who cares? I think we both needed the break.

“The fact is it was good to get away. Since I got back home I have realized what an amazing group of parishioners I’ve been blessed with…they’re treasures, every damned one of them! I’m pretty sure the same goes for you. So many jobs and things that I hadn’t quite got around to, had been taken care of by the time I got back…talk about being consumed with guilt! There’s no doubt that the longer I am here, the more of those well-intentioned diamonds turn up…if only that were enough for both my craven mind and soul.

“And body! The three are absolutely connected, which reminds me, the ball’s in your court about how you deal with your lady friend. One thing I’ve decided to do, after our earlier conversation, is to stop persecuting myself. I am what I am. I’ll apologize to nobody, but I will also do the work I was called to do, as well as I bloody well can. You know, headache or not, going on a bender was great for me, and exactly what I needed. If I hadn’t escaped I might have topped myself. I have you to thank for allowing me to work myself out.”

Alistair stopped the message. ‘Work myself out’? He had no recollection of Cam sharing anything personal with him. Surely he hadn’t been that intoxicated! He pressed play again.

“So in the light of that I was wondering if you could get a few more days off. There’s a Meditation and Mindfulness Retreat on just an hour’s drive from here next month…could be interesting. We could spend the mornings getting fit. For me a relatively flat track would be kind. I’m a bit out of shape. Let me know so I can book. Talk soon.”

Alistair’s heart missed a beat!

Ailsa’s Mother has a Change of Heart

Alone with their individual thoughts, the two women sat side by side, each intent on respecting the other, but eventually Helen spoke, her words carefully chosen, her tone quiet and a little regretful.

“Isn’t it interesting that life can only be understood fully when you reflect backwards, and yet,” she said, stopping for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts, “as humans we are conditioned to be forever planning forward.”

“But then the springboard for the forward planning comes from reflection. Is that what you’re thinking?”

“I suppose so. If you have any hope of being a better person, you need to deal with baggage, before you can consider stepping over the threshold of tomorrow. Otherwise what’s the point? The future will always be bleak.”

“Well now, I AM impressed, and I agree. The more we cling to anger and negatives, the more tenaciously they cling to us, like barnacles. And when we do that, we effectively reduce our chances of enjoying the moment, let alone moving on and making the rest of our lives count. You know, there were so many times when I could have been totally stuffed by situations and relationships that didn’t work out for me, but I refused to carry the monkeys on my back. I had to really work hard at that, but I’m sure I’m a better person for that. It gets easier the more you practice.”

“You’re right Ailsa. Anger nourishes pain. It’s like sugar to cancer cells, always feeding and helping it to grow. Why couldn’t I see that?”

Ailsa said nothing. This was her mother’s time for emotional cleansing. Allowing her the space to speak would probably be the best thing she would ever do.

“I’ve been thinking Ailsa. Now I know what you think about my obsessive tidiness. It’s how I like everything to be, but it is also my way of keeping busy. So I have this pristine home that gives me no happiness at all, but when it comes to removing my own mental clutter, why is it that my thinking continues to be an incredible contradiction?”

“You tell me.”

“I’m the only person I know who empties the garbage bin daily, who has a schedule for particular cupboards to be cleaned each week, on a chart, who has to steel herself not to sweep up before visitors leave, and yet my psyche is a cesspit, hidden behind a veil of perfection.”

Ailsa said nothing, silence her weapon for hopefully catching the truth. This was her mother’s time for opening up.

“But then, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know, am I? The last conversation you and I had, pinned me to the wall for more time than I care to admit.”

“I’m sorry Mom. It wasn’t planned. Everything just boiled up inside me. I hurt you more than I care to imagine.”

“You did. My mind was a swell of conflicting emotions, anger and guilt, mainly guilt, but then, when I had calmed down a little, and taken stock of things, pride took precedence over anger.”

“Pride?”

“That’s right…my pride in you, believe it or not. You have turned into a really worthy human being. I guess you always have been, but I haven’t taken time to realize just how much you have grown. When I thought back to everything you said and really mulled things over, it was clear that through the ups and downs of your journey, you have become such a clear-thinking, fair and confident young woman.”

“Vulgarities and all?”

“Fortunately that’s got little to do with your being perfect, or amazing.”

For once in her lifetime Ailsa was unable to respond. Only such a short time ago she had come to the conclusion that she and her mother would never ever bridge the gap in their relationship, a fossilized hurt that seemed too heavy to turn over and understand, and one of them would pass onto the hereafter leaving the other on the sidelines, alone and regretful.

“What I’m trying to say is that despite me, you have garnered together all your imperfections and strengths to love yourself first. That strength serves in everything you do, and that’s why you have become successful.”

“Oh my goodness, is that how you see me? I was sure you’d never forgive me for the other day. To be honest I don’t know what came over me. It was certainly unintended.”

“No Need. Somebody had to tell me. Love yourself first and then you can help others. I can see that now.”

Ailsa was stumped. One minute she and her mother had been sparring partners. Ailsa, the deliberate pusher of the buttons, the digger of truth, and now magically they had been transported to another place where each of them could find and hopefully build on, their commonalities rather than be separated by difference.

“I knew someone once. He was exactly like you. In another life, and in another discipline, how different things might have turned out,” she trailed off.

Ailsa glanced sideways at her mother, noting a faraway look of sadness on her face.

“Sounds like someone you liked a lot Mum. Anyone I should know?” she asked gently.

“Maybe, maybe not, if only my life could have been that exciting,” she answered quickly, too quickly, noting yet again, that she had closed the door on another opportunity for plain and simple honesty.

When would she ever learn?

It would have to be soon.

“I’m never quite sure why you say those things. Why could your life not have been exciting? I suspect you were a seriously-attractive woman when you were young. And you still are! How else, would you and Dad have produced such fine children?” and before Helen had time to reply, Ailsa continued.

“You know what? If I had been in your shoes, with one broken relationship behind me, I would have had the wildest time. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, would have been safe. I mean that. Life’s too short not to dare, not to look for adventure and excitement, and not to conquer your fears. Those fears that we all tend to hide behind are often the very feelings we should be tackling.”

Helen smiled, but grew quiet, a silence in which she once again tried to scan the truth. All those years ago, John had so willingly rescued her…from facing her family, from running away, from giving birth to a child on her own, and he had placed so few demands on her, yet, she had never found it in her heart to forgive him when things turned sour.

And now she acknowledged that he wasn’t the only one at fault, though at the time, when she was in the depth of her anger, she would never have been convinced of that. How wonderful, she thought, if we as people could go back in time, and rewrite poorly-made decisions, polish off the destructively wretched barnacles of our thinking, and make our lives together the adventures they were meant to be. They could have worked things out, and everyone, especially their children, would have been happier for it.

But that was never going to happen, and yet it was not the end of the road. She could see that, and in the moment she found herself saying:

“I’m sorry Ailsa. I haven’t been very cooperative in the last few days. For the life of me I don’t know why I behave as I do where your father is concerned. Maybe you’re right and I’m just a little jealous that you seem to enjoy a much warmer relationship with him than you do with me.

“But now I can see why. I have lived much of my life in the shadow of anger, using it as a cover up for…well so many things that, had I tried, I could have learned from.”

Ailsa concentrated on her driving, hoping her silence would allow her mother to offload…even a little would be better than nothing.

Eventually Helen continued, this time her voice sad and regretful.

“The truth is I’m probably jaundiced…not of your father’s wealth or anything like that. I have no real need of more money. It’s just that you two are joined at the hip, unlike you and I who are often like a couple of angry bears, struggling to understand each other’s points of view.”

“I don’t mean it to be like that Mom. I do get a tad intolerant, and I deliberately shock you, but it’s purely because I want to loosen you up and try to make you happy. Look at the situation we are facing now. There’s every chance that Dad has not long to live, and even if help is offered, if it’s only something that will prolong his life for a few months or even a couple of years,. You know how he will deal with that. He’s a bit bloody-minded.”

“You’re right. You always are! I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about things. Whatever fetid waters have coursed through our relationship, your dad’s and mine, I’ve decided I want to help. I’ve bottled up so much bitterness over my life and it would come as no surprise to you that it hasn’t made me one bit happier.

“And now it seems it was all for nothing. Whether we could have made a go of things, really tried to fix what was wrong and forgiven each other, is water under the bridge. I should have tried harder. I know I should but I didn’t, but now I have a chance to make amends, not just for me, but for all of us. If your father lives, that will be wonderful, but if his illness is terminal, I will be there for the long haul.”

“So what do you have in mind?”

“Would you like me to take over clearing your father’s apartment? I could get his art works stored in a safe place so that he can enjoy living in some comfort. Do you think it would it worry him if I got involved?”

“Oh I doubt it. It might just be manna from heaven, as far as he is concerned. The fact is he’s overwhelmed with things as they are. He’d never admit that of course. This has taught me one helluva lot! As you know, I can indulge myself pretty well when the mood takes me, but now I see it as spending for the sake of it. So much that I buy languishes in drawers or tucked in a cupboard, out of sight out of mind.

“Now, you could never accuse Dad of having contributed to the mass-production that goes on in the world. What he has done though, is appointed himself chief custodian of many of the at-risk art works, books and artifacts that he couldn’t bear to see getting into the hands of opportunists.

“But for whatever reason, over time he became like a man possessed. Like a problem gambler, or an alcoholic, he just needed one more deal and then…well he clearly couldn’t stop. The result of that is he became a casualty in his own home. As self-appointed paterfamilias of the world of lesser-known artists, he’s become little more than a recluse in his home. I suspect he’s lost his spiritual identity.”

“You recognized all that Ailsa?”

“I did, but unfortunately it didn’t help!”

“How could he not see the signs?”

“You know he probably did, but he just got to the stage where he was incapable of reining things in. Besides it wasn’t entirely his fault! People began to contact him because they recognized what he was trying to do. That’s when the buying really took hold,” and then adroitly choosing to segue, she continued. “So, you asked me what I thought about your getting involved in Dad’s apartment. Have you ANY idea of what you’d be taking on?”

“Only what you have shared with me, but remember, I’m pretty organized, so I can work things out my way…slow and steady. There’s no hurry.”

“They’re all appropriately labelled and stored, which is great. You won’t have to worry about that.”

“Have you thought about having everything valued? There’s no point in storing things like that without insurance, especially if your hunch is right, and that many items will eventually become quite valuable.”

“At the moment he has it covered through a special home insurance, but that would have to be reassessed I think. Wouldn’t it?”

“I’m pretty sure that will be the case. You would have to contact the company. You know,” Helen said excitedly, “I’m actually looking forward to this. I might even be able to make the apartment quite attractive, once the collection is gone…just cosmetic stuff. What do you think?”

What a turnaround! Who would ever have believed it? Her stoically-resistant mother, the veritable ice queen, had now, in a wonderful way, become putty in her hands. Ailsa couldn’t resist a small, smug, smile of satisfaction. If she’d learned anything in recent times, it was that hope is always there…maybe too far in the distance, or in poor light to be able to be readily seen and appreciated, but it exists and will surface when conditions are favorable.

And then she heard herself say,

“Well now, this calls for a celebration. Let’s do dinner tonight…not any old dinner. We could go to that nice little chic French restaurant that has just opened in Civic. All the reviews tell me that it’s more than worth a try…my shout…and with a bottle of red that even Dad would approve of. In fact why don’t we just take one of his? He wouldn’t mind. That’s a collection I’m sure he hasn’t documented and he’s always passing what he calls, a treasured drop, onto me. Are you in?”