In the Midst of the Pandemic, I Went to Belgium

A personal manifesto for the hesitant

Do you see that furnace? There is a little fiery shape jumping from one corner to another. It’s the small demon from Howl’s Moving Castle. He looks anxious but he hasn’t burned out. The fire is him.

Near him, a form is standing. Burned out. The feathers look overused and the lungs strained visibly to keep working. That is not surprising. Now, the outside matches the inside.

Overworking, overfearing. That will do that to anybody.

What would I do for a friend that is afraid of saying yes to change? What would I do for myself? Jump.

Going Rogue

I am a standard routine person. My day entails the same cycle of worries every week. Health care, employment, the insecurity that is playing with me this week. I build my life where I live with the blocks I am given.

That is to say, the safety is locked in. Not only am I using the blocks I am being given, I see all other blocks are complicated. Translation: I fear and do not welcome change. Does this sound familiar? I encourage others but I step on the blocks I already know. Same worries, same coffee place, even… saying no to the same things.

I didn’t choose Belgium. Belgium chose me.

Sometimes, you get shy glimpses of opportunities in your life. They are actually previews for what could happen if you choose that path. Like in a video game. Those shy opportunities look like an idea that you will play with before you say it’s too crazy and send it back to the universe. A discount for a trip that you find ten reasons not to go and end up staying home. Safely having kept yourself, the ego, with what it knows. The ego knows the rules and the ego knows your responsibilities. Right?

I went rogue. I followed my soul. That bright, inexplicable instinct that wants to say yes to adventures. In your 20s, it is pushing you to directions that are not your current ones.

What happened? I raised some money and flew to Belgium for the beginning of a brand new fairy-posed year. I wanted to feel new, raw, and exposed. For all my insecurities to be forced to leave the room and have the butterflies remain alone.

Hesitant as hell, without a stable job and spending the entire paycheck to travel across Europe. That’s what I wanted to do. I had let my soul free, to have a voice and she was not letting go.

Earthly Experiences

We used the train as our means of transportation to go around cities and capture the greenery. It wasn’t something typical to me. The trains in Greece are the slowest way to move around and most people do not use them. With the joy of my inner child, I looked outside to catch the sides of Brussels. Some quarters of minutes would pass with seeing nothing but construction work. Then, came the architecture. The buildings, the height, and the way stuck together. The little statues and architectural gothic decor. Getting more glimpses of what makes Belgium… unique and real.

Getting off the train, we visited Antwerp, Brussels, and Ghent. Antwerp was gorgeous. When you walk around the center, even as a tourist, knowing nothing, there is a luminescent slowness that I succumbed in as if it was a lullaby. It was completely different than the constant noise in Greece.

One of those hourly rides led me to the Antwerp zoo where the animals were not waiting for me. The park was styled in an Alice in the Wonderland theme. There were not too many people there. Better for us. The weather was not in our favor. I cared as a Greek. Belgians did not. They do not feel the cold like me. I saw jackets instead of coats and a normal shade of color upon their lovely skin instead of my red runny nose. A little piece of Viking and resilience is in them.

The zoo was big and enjoyable. The lions looked at us as we looked at them. Is it weird to say I felt like I was a meal? The area with the big wide net and all the birds inside terrified me. I was scared of poop flying or my friend upsetting them and making them crawl our eyes out. The taureans were perhaps my favorite animal. They are big and enormous creatures that occupy more space than you realize. They are nothing, NOTHING like in the movies. No, tauruses are similar to the mythological one’s carrying the same hierarchical veil they did eons ago.

In Ghent, we had lunch in a big park and walked around as people played. The areas there were big and had room for everyone. The tall trees were growing around the park. I could find little pools of rainwater being shaped in tiny places all around. I was excited. The only people perhaps feeling more at home than I, were the Dutch people having come there to escape the lockdown.

Continuing, we went to an Irish pub and had a few beers. I looked strangely at every waitress that would pass us by wishing to tell her hello I am greek, are you greek? Do you know me? I want to know you.

Belgians were not as silent and peaceful as Germans. They were happy child-like youth. And I loved every second.

I traveled to Belgium with hesitancy and yet full moments were pulling my attention. If I had gone with an open heart, how much more would I have connected with what was going on around me?

Soul Experiences

In Belgium, I felt like art was opening up the doors and letting me in. Letting me participate and see the rest of the museum, beyond the first hall.

Before this trip, I was artistic in one corner.

At first, I wrote poetry and read different vocabularies like it was the bible. More words, more stories, more love letters. The delicate dulcet of art was always dancing around me like static energy. Later on, I started to smear with acrylics. I switched my aquarelle sketchbook to a better one and discovered more shades of lemon green to add. The vases of flowers would get more complicated. And the castle had better shades. I was moving up. I began to see what graphic design was all about. I was creating art but it was not open. I didn’t have friends that were interested to talk about it or discuss ideas. Not about art, poetry, or any story I wrote. Every writer knows the sharp cut of the wound when you send a piece to a friend and they unconsciously let it slip that it’s too big of a piece to read. It’s painful. It makes you feel like you are too much, and there is no space for you.

Well… scratch that.

I dived into the artistic corners of Belgium.

I had no idea that there were stores, generous stores that have a variety specifically of art supplies. Not one, two, or the most popular ones. Not a shelf. But a store dedicated to artists and their needs. That meant a lot to me.

It was spelling out that art was valued enough for the store manager to invest in this and customers valued it enough to go there every week to buy things and support it. Keep it in business.

I was transformed into a full fairy before even going up the second floor. Beautiful pieces of wood for woodwork. Countless brushes for art techniques suddenly made sense. Quality boxes of water pencil colors. I was not in love. I felt.. bonded and understood. I thought, here there are places for me, for sides, I couldn’t nurture in Greece. Belgium held beauty. In more than just its locations. The people… are waterfalls of what makes life interesting.

Belgium made me feel celebrated. The cataclysm of a scary decision brought me to a place of connection.

I saw my wish to learn Dutch as clear as day when I walked around the children’s books aisle. The variations of animation made me wish I could read them. Not for my future child, for myself. After hearing the dutch language for weeks, you wish to know what these people are saying, with the same interests as you. What are you saying to each other?

Their culture, different than mine, didn’t have to be perfect to me. As it was, it just is. It was not a symphony of awe-striking pieces of architecture. It was the notes that I recognized. Apart from being beautiful, there is no better feeling than belonging.

This is a story for the hesitant. For those that are having an idea, a spark, an impulsive move, but are labeling it as crazy.

This is explicitly for you.

We are too young to say no to opportunities.

What do you want for yourself?