In the Claws of Devastating Bush-Fires— Day 2

The merciless media was killing me, but the kindness of strangers soothed all pain

This is from my series of articles describing my experience with a recent bushfires when I almost lost my home. The goal is to show how I coped with the stress and how I protected my mental health. Often, we have no control over the situation, but we can always control our reactions and responses. I hope it helps others to see there is always light, even in the darkest moments.

Wednesday, 1st November

I was lying in bed, looking at the sky through the skylight. The stars started to fade, and the light of the dawn decorated the firmament. I didn’t get much sleep, not even 2 hours. I looked at my phone every hour or so and checked if the highway was open. Nope, not only it wasn’t open, but the fire was spreading rapidly.

I was praying for my home to be saved. Some people say that prayers won’t save me; it would be better if I got a good sleep. However, that’s not my experience. All my prayers in the past brought miracles. And anyway, who could sleep in such a situation?

I chuckled to myself when I recalled the words of my concerned friends trying to cheer me up the previous day.

“Just get a good sleep, and tomorrow you will start the day with new energy!”. Or…

“Take a nice hot shower, jump into your PJs and relax!” to which I replied,

“Oh, that’s a great idea! Just a pity I do not have a towel, or soap, or PJs. In fact, all I have is the dress I was wearing to work today!”.

Eventually, I found some PJs — luckily, I have been travelling for work for years, so I had something in my car.

I wasn’t upset with my friends. I knew they wished me well and wanted to help, but they didn’t understand my situation. They couldn’t because they had never experienced something similar.

It wasn’t even 5 am when a message came. It was my neighbour. “Hi Jan… very big fire…still out with fire crew”.

I replied and asked him if he managed to get to his house and if he could get any information about my home. He wrote that he was sent to a different area (he is a volunteer in the rural fire brigade), my paddocks were burned to ashes, and he would try to find out any information about my house.

Early morning, 5:30am

As soon as John woke up, he started sending me messages, doing what he could to keep me informed about the fires, but also trying to cheer me up and give me hope.

He sent me a link to NASA’s map of the fires.

“I can’t see any streets here… All is red… I don’t know where my farm is,” — I replied

“I’m sorry, honey… It’s where your farm is… Remember, you always have me. I will do what I can to support you, and we will rebuild it,” John replied, sending me another map with a circle in the middle of the red space.

“No, no, no… I don’t accept that! I’ve had some bad luck in life, but never that much that it would kill me… There is something wrong with the map…” — I thought to myself and started googling what NASA maps actually show. It’s how I figured out that they were based on heat.

“Well, of course, everything there will be hot; it’s burning, but it doesn’t mean that my home burned down!” — I tried to cheer myself up. I knew the worst I could do was to fall into despair; I had to prevent this.

Not long after that, Tom started sending me messages, too. His wife had seen a clip showing my street on the news, and they sent it to me.

“You have to watch till the end, then you will see your street” — Tom said.

I watched the clip, and it was one of the most nerve-wracking experiences I have ever had (and I have gone through a lot in life). They showed a familiar house just a few kilometres down the highway from my place, with enormous fires approaching it.

Then, the TV crew moved to the next property, just on the other side of the highway. The house burned to the ground. I got so stressed that I felt like throwing up (and it wasn’t even my home).

“The media has no mercy… All they care about is money and getting viewers… They couldn’t care less how much pain and suffering they cause to those involved… Imagine seeing your home burned down on TV before you even get the chance to see it yourself and get to grips with it…” — I thought to myself with mixed emotions running through me.

Not sure if it was anger or frustration, or pure sadness.

Finally, at the end of the clip, I recognized Jeff, the first officer from our rural fire brigade, standing at the intersection between the highway and my road.

“At the moment, we are doing what we can to save all constructions. This is our priority” — he said, and this gave me hope.

“Yes, they are still fighting! This means my home isn’t burned! The snake in the dream didn’t kill me, so the fire won’t take my home!” — I thought to myself, giving myself hope.

This hope was the only thing to keep me sane.

As the message about my home was hopeful, a new danger came to light. The fires were out of control and coming closer to the town where we were staying. We weren’t sure if we would need to evacuate again.

George wanted to go to town for breakfast. I don’t like going to coffee shops, and surely not in such a stressful situation, but it was important to keep George calm and happy. I didn’t need more stress.

Actually, I shouldn’t complain as George was nice to me and tried to help in his own way. He even suggested lending me a towel so I could have a shower.

In the amenities of the caravan park, I pumped some hand soap into my hand and used it in the showers. I dressed in the pencil dress I had worn the day before and went to the caravan park reception.

“I’m not sure if we will be able to go home today… Actually, I’m not even sure if we can stay here, as the fires seem to be getting closer and closer… What time is the check-out?” — I asked the man at the reception

“Usually, the check-out time is 10 am, or you must pay for the next day. However, taking into account your situation, we will make an exception, and you can stay until 11 am without additional payment,” — replied the man, proud that he was helping me

“Thank you very much.” — I smiled and left. An hour longer wasn’t that much time, but at least something. The caravan park was almost empty, so it would be nice to be allowed to stay a few hours longer before making the decision, but I also understand that he runs a business and needs to make money.

As it is in life, one person’s bad luck is someone else’s opportunity.

I sent a message to work, saying I would join all work calls and try to do as much work as I could, taking into account my situation. Everyone was very understanding and supportive, and the replies contained the soothing, warm words,

“Don’t worry about work. Look after yourself. Is there anything I can do to help you?”

Late morning, after 9 am

We were having breakfast when I heard from Garth again, “Taken an hour off to have sleep…all buildings at your pace okay, amazingly”.

The message had so many typos uncommon for Garth that I knew the situation was still very serious, but it was a relief to know that my house was still standing. Immediately, I shared the news with John and all my friends.

I sent Garth a message asking about his home, the dogs and other animals, but he didn’t reply, which worried me. I hoped that his house and animals were all right. When I looked at the fire map from the fire brigade, it showed that my buildings were outside the “Evacuate Immediately”-zone, but his was in the middle of it.

The time was ticking — slow and fast at the same time. I had no idea what we should do. The highway was shut, so I couldn’t go home. But should I stay at that caravan park or find a safer place?

I went to the police station, hoping for some direction. Unfortunately, they couldn’t tell me much. “We don’t have any information about the fires. We wait for the fire brigade to let us know which roads to shut and which we can reopen. I’m very sorry, but we can’t help you,” — replied the friendly police lady.

It was almost 11 am, and I was standing in front of the police station, wondering what to do.

A Telstra car pulled into the parking bay. It wasn’t my neighbour who works for this company, but I asked if they knew Garth and if they had heard from him.

Sure enough, they knew and tried to contact him, but he wouldn’t answer. “That’s weird… He should be at work today, and anyway, he always replies immediately to our work group… I have to go now, but I will try to get him later,” — replied the gentleman. I thanked him and left.

I decided to go back to the caravan park and pay for the next night. It was becoming evident that I wouldn’t get home that day, and there wouldn’t be many places where we could move.

Early Afternoon

I spent a couple of hours working, and then George wanted to go back to town for lunch or some pastry and coffee. I wasn’t hungry; however, I had had enough of wearing my business clothes. I wanted to change to something more casual. I found jeans in my car, but no top.

While George was having his coffee, I went on a hunt for a T-shirt. I walked into the first shop I saw. I looked at their collection, but they had only very big sizes and too expensive.

The friendly sales lady came and asked what I was after. I told her what had happened, ending with the sentence: “Well, anyway, all your T-shirts are much too big for me, so I will go and try somewhere else.” — I smiled and was about to leave when she said,

“Wait, I will see what we have at the back. What is your size and favourite style or colour?”

“I’m eight, and I love blue. Any shade of blue,” — I replied

After a short while, she returned with a blue polo shirt and said, “Well, this is 14, but lady-14. It’s blue, so I hope you like the colour. Go and try it,” — she encouraged me

I went to the fitting room and tried it on. It was a bit big, but not too bad. I looked at the price and $80! “Wow! That’s expensive! It’s good quality and a nice T-shirt, but… too expensive” — I was contemplating when I heard the lady’s voice,

“How are you going there? Is it all right?”

“Well, it is a nice T-shirt, but I think it is a bit too big” — I replied and opened the curtain to the changing room to get the lady’s opinion.

“I think it is not too bad… On the shoulder, it actually fits quite nicely… Just take it. I won’t charge you for this,” — said the lady

“What? No… Thank you very much, but I can’t take it… I mean, I will pay for it,” — I replied, a bit confused, surprised by the generousness of the lady.

“You had enough of bad luck. I want to help you, so please take it,” — replied the friendly lady, smiling

And so I finally had something to change, something very special. This T-shirt was proof that there are kind people out there, people who care and help those in need. I wasn’t alone, and I mattered. It was something that made my faith in humanity shine brighter.

We came back to the caravan; I changed and laid down on the bed to get some rest.

To my surprise, George suggested I let Jeffrey and Twinkles out of their cage. As soon as I did it, they both landed on my chest, puffed up their feathers, and started a synchronous dance, chirping cheerfully. I burst into laughter.

Their innocence and obliviousness to all the dangers of the world were a welcome distraction. They didn’t need much to be happy — just food and water, and above all, being loved and enjoying their little bit of freedom in the “small box” (Caravan) where we ended up staying.

The working day finished, and I took the dogs for a walk. To my surprise, George came with us. I think the walk was good for both of us; nature has a magical, soothing touch and helps us cope with the pain.

I looked back at the day, and I was grateful for all the blessings I experienced that day, for the T-shirt, for my wonderful work colleagues, for my friends and neighbours, and for my animals — I can always rely on them to make me smile.

There was a lot of stress and pain; the media made the situation almost unbearable, but I had the choice to look at what I wanted to see and concentrate on the blessings.

In all this pain, I also experienced plenty of kindness, and there was hope, so I held on to the hope.