In-laws or Outlaws
Which is worse?
Some people hate snakes, but if you study up on them, you can learn about them and you know what to expect.
You can figure out how not to be bitten. Like a rattlesnake will warn you before he strikes and it’s up to you to not antagonize him and get out of the way.
A mother-in-law is a different species. You never know what to expect. She doesn’t shake her tail before she strikes!
The definition of in-laws is someone who is a relative because of marriage.
When you look up in-laws either online or in a dictionary (I’m sure there are some people who still have a big bound dictionary ) you don’t see a picture of a snake, but may be there should be.
It’s said that you can’t pick your parents, but you can pick your in-laws.
The way you do this is before you get too serious with your significant other, it might be a good idea to meet the family members.
Like it or not, these strangers will become a huge part of your family if you marry. Maybe you should watch reruns of “Everybody Loves Raymond” if you need to experience meddling in-laws! The writers had to get the ideas from somewhere.
Meeting them might give you an idea of any crazy habits or ideas that your mate has. Seeing how they interact with each other might be very eye opening.
I am not saying that all in-laws are difficult and I don’t mean to insult anyone, but I speak from personal experience.
It may be rare that the boyfriend’s mother welcomes the girlfriend as a wife to her son.
Is any girl ever good enough? That’s an age old question.
In-laws can sometimes be super critical of the new mate that just married into the family.
I did meet my future mother-in-law and the younger brother before we married. They seemed nice and happy that we were going to get married.
I thought when I married my husband that I would be welcome in the family.
His family seemed large to me, since being an only child, I was looking forward to being part of a family.
His mother was nice enough to my face, but turns out she was making fun of me to the other family members.
At that time, my husband had one married brother and the younger brother was living with his mother. There were a couple of aunts and uncles and nieces. The usual lineup of family suspects.
My husband had been married before and the ex wife was a topic of conversation. Mostly his mother would bad mouth her, laughing about her size and claim that she was a poor housekeeper.
I heard this every time I was in his mother’s company and it all became very tiresome.
I tried to ignore his family and not spend much time around them.
I finally realized that I would never be a part of this family. Their true colors were showing and I was so disappointed. My husband was nothing like these people!
Gobble, Gobble
Thanksgiving is one of the most stressful holidays.
Our first Thanksgiving together, we had planned to prepare our own dinner, but that was not to be. We purchased everything for a great romantic feast.
Instead, on Thanksgiving Day we had to eat two large meals.
My mother insisted that we have Thanksgiving with her, so we started our day at high noon with a big meal.
It was a wonderful tasty meal, as my mother was an excellent cook.
But, just 3 short hours later we had another Thanksgiving meal with my husband’s mother and the two brothers.
When we arrived his mother looked like she had been up all night. Her hair wasn’t combed and she wasn’t dressed for company.
She was complaining about the meal, the kitchen was a disaster and when his brother arrived he refused to sit at the dining table with my husband and I. That was shocking to me, as I did not know they had issues.
The food was on the table waiting to be eaten and his mother began yelling at everyone to sit down. Somehow, I ended up in the middle of the seating arrangement.
There was a lot of tension at the table.
Such a shame.
All that beautiful food should be eaten and enjoyed peacefully.
My husband tried to make small talk with his brother, but to no avail.
I was finally told what the family feud was all about.
A few years back, it seems their father had suddenly become very ill and needed to go to the hospital. The brother refused to drive him as he was too busy with a girlfriend and he didn’t think his father was that ill.
His brother is still a self centered jerk!
At the time, my husband was living out of state so he was not available to help. Their father died before getting to the hospital, as the ambulance arrived too late.
The family blamed the brother for not helping. He never said he was remorseful for not helping his father. In fact he believed that he did no wrong.
There were no words to undo the damage.
Many family ghosts came out of the closet at that holiday meal.
Alone at last
That weekend we had our own Thanksgiving dinner with a turkey we cooked in our own kitchen. It was delicious and peaceful. We were truly thankful!
My husband always said he didn’t understand why people stress over preparing Thanksgiving dinner.
So much of the prep can be done in advance. The cook does not have to get up at 4 a.m. to get the turkey in the oven unless the meal is going to be eaten early.
As the years rolled by, so did Thanksgiving. We never went to another family gathering with his family.
Peace at last. So much better for digestion!
We eventually moved out of state, leaving his family behind. They didn’t care.
His mother never called us, but my husband called her once a week. The conversation consisted of criticizing my husband and he tolerated it, saying that his mother had a hard life when he was a small boy and he thought she blamed him for those early years.
Who knows what goes through the mind of a mother-in-law?
They can be super critical, meddling and hurtful.
They think they are right and always looking out for the son.
Who is going to tell them they are wrong?