In Honor Of Past & Lost Love
Sonnets, songs, and surrender
He was mine — for the moment, Rebounding… But the duration doesn’t diminish or taint the beautiful memory, I remember like it was yesterday although it was many moons ago,
I remember seeing him walking across campus with curly hair and a pensive look in those distinctive glasses, His stride had pride — his demeanor deep and contemplative, Something about him called me, I knew we were kindred spirits, I knew we were simpatico,
I watched and waited, I quietly pursued and planned our run-ins, I felt his hands on my skin & my stomach quiver — before he knew or called my name, My spirit called and claimed him, I finally got up the nerve to say hi — he was a poet,
Our first conversation lasted into the wee hours of the morning, then he asked could he come over — I said yes — I’d already fallen — His voice with that slight southern flare intoxicated me — I let him in…
I loved poetry, I loved his poetry! I loved his passionate performances, the cadence when he spoke words on stages and eventually…behind closed doors,
I knew the moment he kissed me — I was his — I tasted and inhaled love — it was good and filling and I was satiated and exhaled fear, My cup was running over — my inhibitions were gone — he was honest and upfront — he was rebounding, but I didn’t care — I didn’t hear him — I could only feel him, As my foolish heart quickened when he called my name — he owned me and it was a sweet surrendered,
He did what no other man has done before or since — he calmed my raw and restless spirit & venomous tongue — he made me love silence, He was open and light — sure and free — he spoke to me in a low and tender tone — he never raised his voice but spoke with such authority and truth — I was in awe,
I wanted him to Crash Into Me like gentle waves in the ocean and the melody of the Dave Matthew’s song and my breath was syncopated and gently bounced like the drumbeat and guitar,
Soft, Sweet, pink — black and brown love mingled and lingered, I loved being with him, under him, beside him, in front and behind him, I loved him inside me, around me, near me, I love him… When we made love — it was sensory overload, complex and seductive as Duke Ellington & John Coltrane’s In a Sentimental Mood — it was the soundtrack of our nights,
I Gave Him E-ver-y-thing He had my mind, body and soul,
He mellowed my untamed nature and I thought I was a better person with him, I thought I was nicer, kinder and gentler with him- because, I rarely questioned, I sighed in lieu of screaming, but he saw my meanness, No matter how hard I tried to hide and tamp it down — it peaked through in the moments when I wanted and needed more and he couldn’t or wouldn’t give it to me,
I loved him like no other man — unconditionally without boundaries and with fewer words although we both were wordsmiths — we read between the lines on our pages and during his performances and my pauses,
We let our eyes, hands and kisses speak and our bodies were electric and intuitive -transcending physical limitations — it was divine, His soft kisses on my shoulder and back did more for me than most whole nights of passions with previous lovers, Everything in me loved, admired and craved him,
We made love that summer - in the heat where moonlight and the cool night’s breeze danced and played with our shadows,
Love Jones was the unintentional theme of our summer romance, I fell in love that summer, I don’t ever remember smiling that much in my entire life,
He stimulated my mind and reignited the flames of activism, Our conversations were foreplay and then there were only stares and sounds, He said he wanted me to be free and not to hold back,
Our love was sacred and powerful— it was healing and filled a hollow place and made our space and time hallowed — he made me feel like I was in the presence of God’s most beautiful male form and I was a sun-kissed Goddess blessed and being blessed, adored and made to love him — he was a perfect fit,
Gaze locked, our instruments played in perfect harmony -our bodies moved together in improvised yet effortlessly executed moves — twists and turns — we kissed and tasted each other’s tears of joy and ecstasy, We HAD that deep of a connection,
WE loved each other -
Whenever I’d pick up my phone to call him, he was already on the line — our conversations were purposeful, we knew this was above and beyond us, we were magnetic,
At night I purred like Eartha and crooned like Etta & Ella, I’d awake renewed and refreshed the next morn — not spent or ashamed (as I had in the past) At Last, I found my soulmate — my helpmate, my partner in word and verse, my soldier, my muse, my man… I wanted it to last longer… Forever was too much for me to fathom or stand — I would explode with too much happiness — but another season might have been just right….
One night, in the heat of passion WE declared our love, It was right and true — we laid in each other’s arms — but by morning there was a strange chill in the air, I knew — we were “new” without saying a word —
Love rained and all that was left was a mist of uncertainty, insecurity and reality,
When he became distance — I begged for crumbs of attention and hungrily, gratefully devoured and savored them until they and he was gone,
I knew he was my first LOVE (although I had previous lovers) because after the tears and heartbreak from his return to HIS true love — I could not be bitter or mad — I actually smiled and smile — because I sincerely want/ed him to be happy with or without me,
It was an immeasurable honor and pleasure to have shared that experience, It gave me a glimpse of what could be when I fully blossom, bloom and bestow and share my gifts with someone who is worthy and totally available,
In honor of past and lost love — thank you for the memories and I pray and welcome a new love(when my spirit is ready again)…
The song I leave in memorial is Love Me Still by Chaka Khan & Bruce Hornsby One of the most underrated love songs ever made