In Defense of Positive Thinking

It’s okay to have negative emotions; just don’t give them the stage

In an era that downplays positive thinking as Pollyannaish while simultaneously broadcasting negativity and drama, it is no wonder that mental health issues, suicides, and antidepressant medicine use are at an all-time high.

We are living in a culture that promotes negativity.

We face challenges every day. Broadcasting our problems, thinking incessantly about them, and vying for clicks on social media usually doesn’t make us feel better. These approaches don’t solve our problems. When we talk about our angst, we become more invested.

I’m not suggesting that we ignore or suppress our negative emotions. When unfavorable situations and emotions arise, we should address what is happening. However, we were never meant to feel bad without a reprieve.

Positivity feels good, and it benefits us mentally, physically, and spiritually. People who think, feel, and express positivity tends to be happier, healthier, and more successful. It is worth striving for in our daily lives.

If negativity is undesirable, why do we choose it?

Some people suggest, “I don’t choose it. Negativity is a natural response to what I encounter in my life.” While we can’t always control what happens to us, we do choose our responses. I know that sounds cliché, so let me explain.

When I say that we always choose our responses, it sounds like we are making conscious decisions. Too often, we react somewhat unconsciously rather than responding intentionally. Our underlying judgments and expectations get in the way. We tend to feel negative emotions when people or situations do not operate as we expect. Our shoulds affect our experience of what is.

We were not born judgmental or negative; we’ve learned these habits to varying degrees through observation of and communication with those around us. Parents, teachers, religious leaders, and others may have good intentions when teaching us “how things are,” but they could also negatively shape our attitudes, beliefs, values, and expectations. Such influences can set us up for habitual pessimism. They tell us that work and relationships are hard, politicians and leaders can’t be trusted, and nothing is certain except death and taxes. It’s no wonder that we lose our childhood exuberance as we get older.

Media outlets also highlight negativity and problems. Advertisers teach us to get on board, or we’ll miss out. It does this not out of genuine concern for us but to sell us products that we usually don’t need. Also, popular television shows promote a world full of problems and violence, making us believe our environments are more dangerous than they actually are.

Negativity can be alluring, pulling us in. We are sometimes too quick to accept what other people tell us as truth. This negativity can linger in our psyche and cause a dampening effect on our wellbeing. Why do we get invested in such negativity, especially when it makes us feel bad?

Researchers have demonstrated that we function from a negativity bias. We focus on potential or actual problems, things that can go wrong, and fear of losses and harms, among others. Being able to anticipate problems allows us to prevent unnecessary injury. While this may be good from an evolutionary and survivalist stance, it’s anything but inspiring — especially considering that wild animals are no longer chasing us and starvation is not a likelihood.

While bad may be stronger than good in our minds, significantly more good things happen in our lives than bad things. We just don’t notice them. Most of us have a home, food, work, creative freedom, meaningful relationships, health, and safety. If we shift our focus from negative to positive, we begin to notice and enjoy everything we could appreciate.

While we must be mindful of negative things that could impact our liveliness, we don’t need to worry about what could go wrong constantly. It’s not healthy. Stress is a bigger threat than most things in today’s world.

Another potential source of negativity is people in our lives. We tend to feel negative emotions when we are around pessimistic people. Hatfield, Cacioppo, and Rapson explain the theory of emotional contagion as “The tendency to automatically mimic and synchronize movements, expressions, postures, and vocalizations with those of another person and, consequently, to converge emotionally.” The researchers argue that most of this happens unintentionally, unconsciously, and without our control.

Researchers also suggest that we can sense other people through our mirror neurons, which are “specialized brain cells that can actually sense and then mimic the feelings, actions, and physical sensations of another person.” That’s why, when we look directly at an injured person, we get a sense of their pain or discomfort. On a positive note, mirror neurons create bonds between people and help them feel connected. This type of bonding is especially significant for babies.

Benefits of positive emotions

In Positivity, Fredrickson (2009) suggests that positive emotions “broaden people’s ideas about possible actions, opening our awareness to a wider range of thoughts and actions.” They can “open our hearts and our minds, making us more receptive and creative.” By striving for a positivity ratio of at least three to one, meaning three positive experiences for every negative experience, we can thrive rather than languish.

Not only do positive emotions broaden our minds, but they also help us be more successful. Shawn Achor (2010), author of The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology that Fuel Success and Performance at Work, has synthesized data about positivity and reports that:

Data abounds showing that happy workers have higher levels of productivity, produce higher sales, perform better in leadership positions, and receive higher performance ratings and higher pay. They also enjoy more job security and are less likely to take sick days, to quit, or to become burned out. Happy CEOs are more likely to lead teams of employees who are both happy and healthy, and who find their work climate conducive to high performance. The list of the benefits of happiness in the workplace goes on and on.

Also

We become more successful when we are happier and more positive. For example, doctors put in a positive mood before making a diagnosis show almost three times more intelligence and creativity than doctors in a neutral state, and they make accurate diagnoses 19 percent faster. Optimistic salespeople outsell their pessimistic counterparts by 56 percent. Students primed to feel happy before taking math achievement tests far outperform their neutral peers. It turns out that our brains are literally hardwired to perform at their best not when they are negative or even neutral, but when they are positive.

Lyubomirsky, King, and Diener assert that

Happier people have more stable marriages, stronger immune systems, higher incomes, and more creative ideas than their less happy peers.

Considering all the benefits of positive emotions, it is certainly worth trying to create more of them in our lives.

What approaches can we use to increase positivity and decrease negativity?

A prominent founder of the positive psychology movement, Martin Seligman, discovered significant differences in how positive and negative thinkers interpret their experiences. In Learned Optimism: How to Change your Mind and Your Life, Seligman detailed his theory of explanatory styles, which explains that negative thinkers tend to interpret negative events as permanent (unceasing), universal (widespread or pervasive), and personal (related to the self) while viewing positive events as temporary, specific, and external (outside of the self; not in one’s control). Optimistic people interpreted events in a reverse manner; they viewed negative events as temporary, specific, and external, and positive events as permanent, universal, and internal. Here are examples of each:

Negative person’s interpretation of negative event/circumstance:

• I will always be stuck in this job (permanent).
• It doesn’t matter; all jobs stink (universal).
• I’m such a screw-up (personal).

Negative person’s interpretation of positive event/circumstances:

• My new job is better than my last job, but I’m sure something will go wrong (temporary — the positive event will not last).
• I’m only good at one thing — roofing (specific — limited perspective about choices).
• I guess I got lucky for once in my life (external — good came from external luck, not personal characteristics or actions).

Optimistic person’s interpretation of negative event/circumstances:

• I was furloughed from my job, but I’m sure I’ll find another one (temporary).
• That job was a waste of my time (specific — that specific job was a waste, not all jobs).
• The company I worked for was poorly operated (external — a problem with the company rather than the self).

Optimistic person’s interpretation of positive event/circumstances:

• I am qualified to find great work (permanent).
• There are always great jobs available (universal).
• My motivation and skill set will help guide me to a desirable job (personal).

By analyzing how we think and speak, we can detect our patterns. Then, we can work toward a more positive and empowering way of interpreting.

Extending the discussion from the last section about emotional contagion and mirror neurons, we realize that it is best to surround ourselves with positive people who make us feel good. Additionally, we benefit other people when we are positive and supportive. If we have negative people in our lives, try to minimize our interactions with them. We can also reduce their impact by not feeding negativity in discussions and not mirroring their expressions. Granted, some of this happens unconsciously, but we can choose to engage or disengage intentionally to minimize negative impacts.

We could also be more mindful about the media we consume. By attending to how we feel as we watch television, surf the net, and engage on social media, among other activities, we can decide if our activities feed our positivity or negativity.

Simple things like eating healthy, exercising, meditating, and getting quality sleep can improve how we feel physically and mentally, positively impacting our mood. It is easier to engage with the world when we feel strong and alert rather than depleted.

To strengthen our positivity, we can choose to look at the world through an attitude of appreciation, looking for things going right rather than what is going wrong. By savoring the good stuff, we can create a habit of seeing more of it. We can even prime ourselves for optimism by seeking out what gets us in the mood for our activities for the day — for example, watching motivational videos before work might create a day of inspiration rather than struggle. Reading inspirational books or articles at the start and end of our days might help attune us to positivity.

Instead of complaining, gossiping, dramatizing, or ruminating, choose to tell a better story. Don’t linger in negative feelings about an event that happened; take your power back. Do what you can to turn the event around, and view yourself as having grown more vital, resilient, smarter, and wiser through the experience. If you feel negative emotions about something that has passed or is out of your control, work to resolve it through forgiveness, surrendering it to a spiritual source, or release it from your thoughts.

If you are perpetually negative, depressed, or anxious, consider talking with a trusted counselor. Rather than feeling like you are treating your weaknesses, view it as an opportunity to make yourself the best person you can be.

While there are plenty of things that encourage us to feel negative, there are plenty more things that could make us feel positive. It’s not a matter of changing the world or even our life circumstances, even though both of these are admirable goals. It’s a matter of changing our focus. With every step, we are either investing in something that will lead to positive or negative emotions. Where are you investing your energies?