ENBYOUS — THE NON-BINARY PUBLICATION, CREATED AND WRITTEN BY ENBIES

In Between Me

Poetic Exploration Between The Extremes

In Between

Who do you see when you look at me? Where I am is not where I am becoming The garment that I where with, Wearing the truth given to me by the world Its gift to let me assume Shrink to fit never really worked for me Tears streaming they changed the landscape River courses meant to hide The despair of not being Mistaking myself for what I saw in the mirror

I tried many times to deal with the deception Begging god to change what she had done Why would she make me this way When I am so different In her eyes of love?

When pleadings failed I hid away So many times I tried to play Songs I was given from earth to sing Bringing joy to hearts true ring But deeper still something was wrong A part of me wouldn’t sing the song Dreams and passions drained away A lost soul who couldn’t play

So I came out, out of closet, out of mind Despair’s marks buried in the sand I walked in the desert to find myself Pieces long left on the shelf Would I ever know all of me?

They started me on HRT, hoping to find out chemically If I could be made into that image I saw inside myself But somewhere along the way, I realized I wasn’t one way or another But something more A bit of both, perhaps Sugar and Snails Spice and Tails Nice as can be But not always free

But this was the engine that drove my search on And so many things that I have I found among the shadows of dark and light

How to sing and who’s songs to bring

How to love and how to let go

The games we play to show we care So many spectrums of beauty laid bare

And I on them all a complex creation Alone and adrift in search of a nation

A family I’ve found, connected and true Diversity’s playground, colorful hues

So if you’re not sure, where you belong Stop by for a visit, and learn a new song

We’re none of us perfect, me least of all But stronger together, standing up tall.

©2022 Jenny Starr

Commentary?

When I heard that KP_the_writer and Logan Silkwood were rolling out this new publication, I knew it was no coincidence to what I had been feeling from my inner child for many weeks. A sense of uneasiness in our transition work.

We had been moving toward the manifestation of womanhood we felt was inside for some time now (July is the 11 months since starting HRT), but there was something else there. An otherness I just couldn’t put my finger on. Jinny was a lot more forthcoming than that (she is my rather precocious inner child), “I think I’m non-binary,” they declared one day….

What?!?!?! Needless to say, I am still coming to terms with this, and what it means for my transition. At this point, I still consider us more female and have not stopped my course. But I intend to spend more time walking the course and seeing what is here. And meeting those along the journey that I connect with, who can provide answers or at least advice. I’m still Jenny, it’s just that Jenny is a bit more complicated.

Anyway, that is what you will see in the poem. A mish-mash of forms and ideas and plans gone sideways. Like life, sometimes art takes its own turns, and we either jump off or hang on for dear life…

Here’s to hanging on, and enjoying every minute of it!!!

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