In a Cary Grant Accent: Ruudy, Ruudy, Ruudy
The Republican Lt. Governor of Georgia tells us what (if we were paying attention) we already knew
It’s shocking, I know; and just so bloody unexpected. I feel rather like Claude Rains in Casablanca, who was shocked…shocked I say, to find there’s gambling going on here.
According to Lt. Governor Geoff Duncan in recent statements, Rudy Giuliani presented false information and testimony (and no actual evidence) to the Georgia State Legislature a while back, and this created momentum for the Georgia voting law recently passed and signed by Governor Kemp.
Go on now. You don’t say! OF COURSE that was the result, since that was part of the plan. The same thing took place in all the battleground states. With the clarity of hindsight, Trump had a 10 point plan, thusly:
- We’re likely to lose, for various reasons. Start undermining confidence in the election early;
- Try to call the election early on Election Day— before all the votes are in and counted. Forget the damned mail-in and overseas and military votes;
- Continue undermining confidence on the elections at every opportunity, preferably in front of the White House, or on Air Force One, or at least behind the Presidential Seal;
- Lawsuits, Baby! But make the allegations broad and vague (ssshhh, we don’t actually have any evidence), so it’s quantity over quality on this one;
- Ruudy, Ruudy, Ruudy and performative and non-substantive pressure here and there; cannot overdo it as a thespian and entertainer. More needed — get Sidney and Lin, and make sure they know to be creative. And somebody tell Rudy to do something about his hair;
- Invite certain state legislators to the White House; summon them if that does not work;
- Reach out to Republican Governors, Legislative leaders, Secretaries of State and Election Investigators — and keep calling until they’ll talk to us. Sly hints that refusal to do bidding = illegal and trouble for them. Try to remember how phone calls have ****ed us up in the past…. Oops, I did it again. Oh well, don’t dwell on the negative I always say;
- Rack it all up on January 6th. Got everyone primed and pumped, ready to rock-n-roll. My people! I am rolling with you, let’s get down to the Capitol and be strong…take back our country. Ah…excuse me, I left a Diet Coke and fried chicken back in the office. Start without me. See ya’ when I see ya’.
- They dood it, not me. When the shit hits the fan, must remember where all the buses are so I know where to throw all My People;
- Laugh into sleeve as everyone but me gets prosecuted (I hope, but there’s that whole darned no-longer-President thing, shit). Don’t worry about the civil stuff — I know how to handle them; been doing it for decades.
Trump channeling George Peppard: I love it when a plan comes together…for me.
