Improve Sex With Your Partner While Social Distancing
Take this time to appreciate one another and renew your passion
The state has officially closed down bars and restaurants. It’s carry-out only to help contain the coronavirus pandemic.
This came shortly after school closings. Our gyms and movie theaters quickly followed suit. All our live theater has been canceled. We can’t take in a show or attend a concert. That salsa couple’s class I’ve been wanting to take, the art museum, and that “paint while you get drunk on wine” thing is indefinitely on hold. So is my adventurous desire to visit a lifestyle club or BDSM dungeon with my partner for the very first time.
For the foreseeable future, going on a fun or romantic date with your special someone is not going to happen. Maybe you can swing a picnic in the park?
This social distancing is an historical experience. One that I hope helps save many lives. But in the meantime, we’ve got to take care to address our mental state and avoid going stir crazy. I’d hate to see couples losing their shit and breaking up just because they’re under an unprecedented amount of stress trying to weather the storm.
If you’re married or partnered up, be on guard and make sure the tough times ahead don’t have a negative impact on your relationship. Take the opportunity to get to know each other all over again. You’ll have a lot more time to spend together— why not ramp up the passion and reignite the spark?
Here are a few ways to spice up your sex life and utilize social distancing as a time for sexual healing.
Don’t just stick to the easy-breezy positions, like spooning — mount up and get that heart pumping.
Use sex as a necessary couple’s workout
For many, the gyms are closed. Staying on the couch binge-watching Nip/Tuck or the myriad of other shows at our streaming disposal can be nice, but being couch-bound for hours on end can have a counter-intuitive effect. Instead of feeling well-rested and relaxed, we can start to feel drained and depressed.
As someone who doesn’t typically have sex more than once or twice a week, I’m going to make it my personal goal to increase our physical playtime. There will be more blow jobs, more cunnilingus, more thrusting, more orgasms, more exercise between the sheets all around!
Take care of your body with more sexercise. And don’t just stick to the easy-breezy positions, like spooning — mount up and get that heart pumping.
I’m not saying your bedroom has to look like a Hallmark movie threw up all over the place every single night, but if you don’t usually take the time for romance — then go for it.
Try a new position
I’ve been monogamous with my partner for ten years now. As much as we’ve done the dirty together, there are loads of positions we’ve yet to try — and it’s the same for many couples who have been together for a while.
Neither my partner nor myself are talented acrobats, so I can’t see him holding me upside down in a standing 69. But I would love to try something like the tulip, where the woman rides on top, squeezing her legs together with the man’s legs open on either side of her.
Christine Stevens tells a lovely story about her experience with this position, which enhances clitoral stimulation. I hope to later report a similar success.
Take the extra time to get cheesy-romantic
I’m not saying your bedroom has to look like a Hallmark movie threw up all over it every single night, but if you don’t usually take the time for romance — then go for it.
You know that shit none of us bother doing? Lighting candles, creating the perfect sexy music playlist, taking a bubble bath together? When we have kids or busy social lives or crazy days at work, it’s easy to let the romance escape and go straight to the orgasm chasing.
Now that our social calendars are pretty much wiped out, take the extra time and hang some white twinkle lights in the bedroom. Light those candles. Give each other luxuriously indulgent massages and take hot, steamy baths together with a glass of good wine. Look into each other’s eyes during intercourse and appreciate one another’s ability to deliver physical passion.
Talk to each other
Take a break between spurts of bedroom Olympics to have deep, meaningful conversations. Again, we’re going to be stuck inside a whole lot more — why not take the time to revisit the lost art of conversation with each other?
Remember when you first started dating and couldn’t get enough of each other’s words? How exciting it was to learn about every interest and quirk?
You can have that again — especially if you haven’t been taking a whole lot of time to communicate in the chaos of busy schedules. Catch up with each other and have a deep discussion regarding sex — an area in which our needs and desires are constantly evolving.
What new things do you want to try with each other? What do you like that you already do? What don’t you like? Talk about what you want to do, do it, and then talk about how it went. Now that we have a bit more time on our hands, we should use it to really listen to our partners. And the sex talk can be a major turn-on, so there’s another advantage.
Play with new toys
While online ordering and delivery is still a go, purchase some new toys to try with your partner. Whether it’s something for women, for men, or a couple’s toy, shop around for a variety and then have fun playing with your new toys together.
I first learned about the Tenga Egg, a male masturbater tory, from Emma Austin’s sexy, funny, and riveting podcast, Pillow Talk. I’m excited to order one and see how my partner likes it. I’ll get something new for myself as well (and it will probably vibrate).
And while you’re online shopping, remember to stock up on lube like it’s toilet paper.
Turn on the video camera
This is brand new territory for me. As someone with serious body confidence issues, I’ve never tried it. But, to avoid sheer boredom and cabin fever, I’d be interested in taking baby steps.
Instead of going straight to full body stuff, I’d be interested in having my partner film me while I give him oral sex until he finishes in my mouth or on my breasts. Then, I could take a turn playing camerawoman and film him as he satisfies me.
If the camera scares you (as it does me), now is the time to give it a try. Make a home movie together, then watch it together. How sexy you feel afterward might surprise you.
Approach mismatched desire with his and hers nights
Remember all that talking you’re going to do more of with your partner? Talk about having a night for him/her, and a night for you. That’s not to say you should do things that are hard limits for you, but maybe do something he loves that isn’t really for you. Take turns focusing on one another’s desires.
For me and my partner, a great example would be pegging. It’s not particularly at the top of my list, but I love how much it drives him crazy. Giving him pleasure by strapping on the strap-on and fucking him is just not something we do enough of.
My night of focus-on-me pleasure would involve me being tied up, gagged, and helpless as I’m fucked and given multiple orgasms. And, oh, bringing another man into bed…three people is fine during social distancing.
Take it outside the bedroom
This is a time to explore creativity — safely, of course. Maybe it’s time to christen your backyard with some sneaky outside sex. Maybe go on a hike in the quiet woods and have a romp in the leaves.
Or, keep it indoors. See how many sofas and chairs and tables and countertops you can utilize for different positions. Sometimes a change of scenery, away from the bedroom, is all you need to make things more exciting. If you’ve never done it on the dryer as it’s rumbling, now’s the perfect time.
Utilize online sex education resources
You may not be able to attend any fun classes right now, but you can bring the resources to you. Watch how-tos on erotic massage and become a pro at making your partner feel glorious.
Maybe you’d enjoy an online sex course with a skilled sex therapist to bridge the pleasure gap between partners, like the Online Pleasure School.
There are some great free resources on YouTube as well that can be inspiring, as long as you’re willing to sift through the sludge to find the gems. Sex Ed with Amber is a great example of inspirational and sexy education:
There’s also good old-fashioned porn or audio erotica, if you and your partner are of the literary persuasion. Watch and listen together. Explore different sex topics outside your usual routine and see where the evening leads you.
Make social distancing sexy
In these inactive times, we need to get the heart pumping and the blood flowing. Sex will help combat cabin fever and depression. It will give you more energy. It will relieve stress and tension. It will help strengthen our resolve at a time when we need it the most.
If you aren’t in a romantic relationship, maybe you have an attractive friend you know and trust who would be interested in spending some indoor time together.
For those without any partners, those who are weathering the distance alone, the writing community is here to talk with you about it. I hope this time is short and that we can all resume regular activities soon.
