avatarMatthew Maniaci

Summary

The author is experiencing a significant improvement in personal well-being and productivity during the lockdown, despite feeling guilty about thriving while others suffer due to the pandemic.

Abstract

The author acknowledges the ongoing global pandemic and its negative impact on society, including the crumbling of the world order and personal stress from work responsibilities. However, since transitioning to remote work, the author has seen a marked decrease in stress levels and an increase in productivity. This period has allowed for positive lifestyle changes, such as daily walks in a nearby park, healthier home-cooked meals, and engaging in relaxing activities like playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons. The author also appreciates the increased frequency and convenience of virtual social gatherings. Despite the author's improved mental and physical health, there is an underlying sense of guilt due to the contrasting hardships faced by others, including unemployment and loss of life. Nevertheless, the author is grateful for the current situation and is making the most of it by focusing on self-care and family.

Opinions

  • The author feels a sense of guilt for thriving during the lockdown while many others are facing significant hardships.
  • Working from home has led to reduced stress and increased productivity for the author.
  • The lockdown has provided the author with the opportunity to make positive lifestyle changes, including more physical activity and healthier eating habits.
  • The author finds comfort and relaxation in playing the game Animal Crossing: New Horizons.
  • Virtual social interactions have become more frequent and are preferred over in-person gatherings due to their convenience and safety.
  • The author recognizes their privileged

I’m Thriving During Lockdown, and I Feel Kinda Bad About It

Being self-conscious about living the introvert’s dream.

Photo by Mimi Thian on Unsplash

So, you may not have heard, but there’s a pandemic going on.

I’m well aware of it. I’ve been working from home for two months now, avoiding going to public places, and shopping only when necessary. My wife and I haven’t seen our friends in person in quite a while.

And yes, it is bugging me a little that the world is crumbling into chaos. But, and I feel guilty about this, only a little.

You see, I’ve been doing well during the lockdown. Like, really well. It’s kind of uncomfortable how well I’m doing.

For the first three months of the year, I was stressed out of my gourd. I had a lot of major projects at work, including one project that is responsible for 20% of our revenue next year. The pressure was on high, and I was on the verge of exploding.

During that time, I was at near-breakdown levels for quite a while. I had serious conversations with my boss, wife, and friends about taking a month or two off of work and just…unwinding. Leaving town, being away from all of my problems for a while, clearing my head. It was bad.

That major project I mentioned was submitted on March 10th. A week later, I took my computer home and have only been back to the office for a combined two hours or so in the past eight weeks. And you know what? It’s been fantastic.

Within a few weeks, my stress levels went way down, and my productivity went way up. I’ve spent my days working from my dining room table, participating in Zoom meetings in casual clothes, and hammering away at my projects. There hasn’t been a decrease in work for me — quite the contrary, I’ve had an increase in my workload due to the virus floating around out there. It’s just been a lot easier to work without the stress of being in the office.

There is other stuff too. During the lockdown, I’ve been making small lifestyle changes that I’ve been meaning to do for a while. At first, instead of doing my morning commute, I would drive my car to a nearby business district and play Harry Potter: Wizards Unite at the various landmarks there. For me, it was a way to keep my routine going. Wake up, do my morning hygiene stuff, drive to work. In this case, it just meant that I came home when I was done.

A few weeks in, I realized something stupid: Instead of driving through a business district, I could walk to a nearby park and hike around there. So, I do that now. Every day, unless it’s raining, I spend about 40 minutes walking around a hilly park playing my silly mobile game. It wakes me up, gets my blood going, and keeps me active.

My wife and I have also been eating home-cooked meals a lot more. This is a common side effect for a lot of people, but I realized last week that we are cooking more from scratch and less from a box than we usually do. There is some stress in figuring out dinner every day, but we get a lot of leftovers for lunches out of it.

Between those two things, I seem to have lost some weight and just sort of feel healthier. I’m still overweight — my genetics and medications will probably keep me that way forever — but I feel much better about myself and my body right now.

I’ve also discovered a goofy, colorful game called Animal Crossing: New Horizons that has been keeping my spirits up lately. It’s a simple game about living on a deserted island and building it up to be whatever you want it to be. It’s slow-paced and there’s no real objective, and I find it incredibly relaxing.

My wife and I are doing our best to keep social. In-person gatherings are no longer an option, but we communicate with our friends electronically and over the phone a lot. My wife has taken to sending out puns to a huge list of friends and family, and one of our close friends calls a few times a week to chat.

I also play a weekly table-top role-playing game over Zoom. Previously, these games took place every other week, sometimes less often, and were a gathering at the gamemaster’s house with dinner and coffee. They were a great time, but also a bit exhausting being in a room with several loud people and having to drive 40 minutes to get there. Doing them virtually has been great, both because we can do them more often and because I don’t have to drive home at the end of a long night.

We also have a techie friend that has taken to hosting things over Discord. We’ve had a few virtual get-togethers to watch professional wrestling events, and he’s hosted a game day with Jackbox games, which are conducive to distance gaming. There is talk of a Saturday Morning Cartoons get-together.

Last week, my wife made an offhand comment about how I’ve been thriving during this whole situation. Honestly, I’m inclined to agree. I feel better than I have in a long, long time, and I’d forgotten what it felt like to feel healthy, both physically and mentally. It’s really nice.

And yet, I still feel some level of guilt about it. There’s a pandemic, after all. People are dying. Businesses are failing. People I care about are out of work. The world is fundamentally changing, and it probably won’t go back to the way it was, for better or worse.

I have a job that allows me to work from home for full pay, which is more than many can say right now. I don’t have to go out and expose myself if I don’t want to. Aside from lockdown, nothing about our living situation has changed. I still support us on my income, we still live quietly with our four cats, and things are still nice for us.

Meanwhile, unemployment is somewhere around 15–20%, people I know and love are on unemployment or are furloughed, and the death toll is rocketing towards 100,000 people in this country alone. It’s scary out there, folks.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to throw a pity party for myself. I am aware that I’m in an enviable situation for many, and I try not to take that for granted. Honestly, that awareness makes me feel guilty for doing well. Not only have I dodged the unemployment bullet, but life has notably improved for me during a global pandemic.

What the hell?

Regardless of the deeper meaning of that statement, I’m doing my best to not take things for granted. I am enjoying my lower-stress life right now and thanking my lucky stars that I can have this life. I try to remember that I am incredibly lucky that things are as good as they are every time I log on to work remotely for the next of what may be many more days.

I know that many, many people aren’t as lucky as I am, and I do my best to acknowledge that fact. However, I’m trying to not let the state of the world get me down. I’ve spent the past several years in an emotional funk, and while I have some guilt over how lucky I am, I’m also relishing the opportunity to feel good about myself for the first time in a long, long time.

So, while I feel guilty and likely always will, I am doing what’s best for me and my family right now, and that’s staying in, keeping up my spirits, and taking care of myself.

It feels good to feel good.

https://readmedium.com/the-strangely-positive-impact-of-working-from-home-b55cc84b7a49

https://readmedium.com/mental-health-in-the-face-of-a-pandemic-1fe0378c8ca9

https://readmedium.com/zen-and-the-art-of-animal-crossing-928901a512a7

Mental Health
Covid-19
Lockdown
Introvert
Health
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