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through my mind.</p><p id="7850">But I also occasionally want to write about these topics.</p><p id="a57c"><i>How vulnerable and open should I be?</i></p><p id="b380">Writing about this also reminds me of a story about an interaction I had with someone. It got me flustered, mainly because of his direct questioning of a story I was telling. It put me on the spot and I answered his question with complete honesty. I couldn’t help feeling slightly caught out though.</p><p id="6a66"><i>He asked me if women ever turned me on.</i> I don’t know why it got me so flustered, but I blurted out <b><i>yes</i></b> like I was confessing the deepest secret you could ever imagine.</p><p id="733c">Clearly then I still had a lot of work to do on myself, but this work continues to this day and sometimes I still question why this part of my identity has been so hard for me to come to terms with.</p><p id="6363">In a lot of ways and many settings, I still feel uncomfortable sharing that I am bi-sexual. And really, it shouldn’t matter what my sexuality is.</p><p id="de57">Sometimes It makes me feel shy though, or uncomfortable, or vulnerable.</p><p id="1258">Other times I feel empowered by my sexual orientation, but those times are not as often- and I often wonder why I am still so shy about my sexuality.</p><p id="f6d8">Maybe it is because in the past I allowed mys

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elf to be fetishized for it.</p><p id="ad35">Maybe it is because I still feel like there is something a bit not right about me, that I am a bit of a perve or something.</p><p id="21af">Maybe it is because even after writing about it I haven’t allowed myself to publish articles on these topics, fearful of being judged.</p><p id="e14a"><i>I can hear myself overthinking every aspect of this part of my identity, and why?</i></p><p id="7909">How vulnerable and open we should be is a question that should be purely left up to us. We shouldn’t allow other people to pressure us into sharing that what we feel uncomfortable sharing.</p><p id="165e">I’m growing a bit tired of my self-restrictive tendencies when writing about sex and or sexuality in my work though. I don’t want to feel like I have to hold back in any way if there is something I want to write about in these topics.</p><p id="6b4a">Sex and sexuality have been big parts of my life and I don’t want to keep holding onto shame about these things.</p><p id="c3c6">Maybe I just need to be more patient with the natural evolution of my writing.</p><p id="da53">Maybe I will become more trusting and open with time.</p><p id="85d4">Maybe my shyness is just a part of who I am.</p><p id="cf88">Who knows?</p><p id="71b7">Perhaps I will push myself to write about these things more soon.</p></article></body>

I’m Still So Shy When It Comes to This

How vulnerable and open should I be?

Image by Khusen Rustamov from Pixabay

As a writer and storyteller, the juicier the story the better, right?

When looking through my medium drafts I am shocked at how many I have written and not posted. While there is a multitude of reasons why I haven’t published many of them- there is one main theme that I never seem to be able to publish.

Sex, my sexuality, and anything to do with this topic have always interested me- but I get cold feet when it comes to bringing these pieces to life.

Why? I question.

Am I still carrying shame from my past or fear about how I will be perceived by others? Will people think I’m just being attention-seeking? Will I not be taken seriously?

All these things run through my mind.

But I also occasionally want to write about these topics.

How vulnerable and open should I be?

Writing about this also reminds me of a story about an interaction I had with someone. It got me flustered, mainly because of his direct questioning of a story I was telling. It put me on the spot and I answered his question with complete honesty. I couldn’t help feeling slightly caught out though.

He asked me if women ever turned me on. I don’t know why it got me so flustered, but I blurted out yes like I was confessing the deepest secret you could ever imagine.

Clearly then I still had a lot of work to do on myself, but this work continues to this day and sometimes I still question why this part of my identity has been so hard for me to come to terms with.

In a lot of ways and many settings, I still feel uncomfortable sharing that I am bi-sexual. And really, it shouldn’t matter what my sexuality is.

Sometimes It makes me feel shy though, or uncomfortable, or vulnerable.

Other times I feel empowered by my sexual orientation, but those times are not as often- and I often wonder why I am still so shy about my sexuality.

Maybe it is because in the past I allowed myself to be fetishized for it.

Maybe it is because I still feel like there is something a bit not right about me, that I am a bit of a perve or something.

Maybe it is because even after writing about it I haven’t allowed myself to publish articles on these topics, fearful of being judged.

I can hear myself overthinking every aspect of this part of my identity, and why?

How vulnerable and open we should be is a question that should be purely left up to us. We shouldn’t allow other people to pressure us into sharing that what we feel uncomfortable sharing.

I’m growing a bit tired of my self-restrictive tendencies when writing about sex and or sexuality in my work though. I don’t want to feel like I have to hold back in any way if there is something I want to write about in these topics.

Sex and sexuality have been big parts of my life and I don’t want to keep holding onto shame about these things.

Maybe I just need to be more patient with the natural evolution of my writing.

Maybe I will become more trusting and open with time.

Maybe my shyness is just a part of who I am.

Who knows?

Perhaps I will push myself to write about these things more soon.

Self
Life
Life Lessons
Spirituality
Self-awareness
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