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Abstract

through my mind.But I also occasionally want to write about these topics.How vulnerable and open should I be?Writing about this also reminds me of a story about an interaction I had with someone. It got me flustered, mainly because of his direct questioning of a story I was telling. It put me on the spot and I answered his question with complete honesty. I couldn’t help feeling slightly caught out though.He asked me if women ever turned me on. I don’t know why it got me so flustered, but I blurted out yes like I was confessing the deepest secret you could ever imagine.Clearly then I still had a lot of work to do on myself, but this work continues to this day and sometimes I still question why this part of my identity has been so hard for me to come to terms with.In a lot of ways and many settings, I still feel uncomfortable sharing that I am bi-sexual. And really, it shouldn’t matter what my sexuality is.Sometimes It makes me feel shy though, or uncomfortable, or vulnerable.Other times I feel empowered by my sexual orientation, but those times are not as often- and I often wonder why I am still so shy about my sexuality.Maybe it is because in the past I allowed mys

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elf to be fetishized for it.Maybe it is because I still feel like there is something a bit not right about me, that I am a bit of a perve or something.Maybe it is because even after writing about it I haven’t allowed myself to publish articles on these topics, fearful of being judged.I can hear myself overthinking every aspect of this part of my identity, and why?How vulnerable and open we should be is a question that should be purely left up to us. We shouldn’t allow other people to pressure us into sharing that what we feel uncomfortable sharing.I’m growing a bit tired of my self-restrictive tendencies when writing about sex and or sexuality in my work though. I don’t want to feel like I have to hold back in any way if there is something I want to write about in these topics.Sex and sexuality have been big parts of my life and I don’t want to keep holding onto shame about these things.Maybe I just need to be more patient with the natural evolution of my writing.Maybe I will become more trusting and open with time.Maybe my shyness is just a part of who I am.Who knows?Perhaps I will push myself to write about these things more soon.</article></body>

I’m Still So Shy When It Comes to This

How vulnerable and open should I be?

As a writer and storyteller, the juicier the story the better, right?

When looking through my medium drafts I am shocked at how many I have written and not posted. While there is a multitude of reasons why I haven’t published many of them- there is one main theme that I never seem to be able to publish.

Sex, my sexuality, and anything to do with this topic have always interested me- but I get cold feet when it comes to bringing these pieces to life.

Why? I question.

Am I still carrying shame from my past or fear about how I will be perceived by others? Will people think I’m just being attention-seeking? Will I not be taken seriously?

All these things run through my mind.

But I also occasionally want to write about these topics.

How vulnerable and open should I be?

Writing about this also reminds me of a story about an interaction I had with someone. It got me flustered, mainly because of his direct questioning of a story I was telling. It put me on the spot and I answered his question with complete honesty. I couldn’t help feeling slightly caught out though.

He asked me if women ever turned me on. I don’t know why it got me so flustered, but I blurted out yes like I was confessing the deepest secret you could ever imagine.

Clearly then I still had a lot of work to do on myself, but this work continues to this day and sometimes I still question why this part of my identity has been so hard for me to come to terms with.

In a lot of ways and many settings, I still feel uncomfortable sharing that I am bi-sexual. And really, it shouldn’t matter what my sexuality is.

Sometimes It makes me feel shy though, or uncomfortable, or vulnerable.

Other times I feel empowered by my sexual orientation, but those times are not as often- and I often wonder why I am still so shy about my sexuality.

Maybe it is because in the past I allowed myself to be fetishized for it.

Maybe it is because I still feel like there is something a bit not right about me, that I am a bit of a perve or something.

Maybe it is because even after writing about it I haven’t allowed myself to publish articles on these topics, fearful of being judged.

I can hear myself overthinking every aspect of this part of my identity, and why?

How vulnerable and open we should be is a question that should be purely left up to us. We shouldn’t allow other people to pressure us into sharing that what we feel uncomfortable sharing.

I’m growing a bit tired of my self-restrictive tendencies when writing about sex and or sexuality in my work though. I don’t want to feel like I have to hold back in any way if there is something I want to write about in these topics.

Sex and sexuality have been big parts of my life and I don’t want to keep holding onto shame about these things.

Maybe I just need to be more patient with the natural evolution of my writing.

Maybe I will become more trusting and open with time.

Maybe my shyness is just a part of who I am.

Who knows?

Perhaps I will push myself to write about these things more soon.