THE SALSA SCREEN

I’m Sorry, But Steve Martin Is Not Funny

There. I said it.

Some people describe Martin as a comedy legend. Others explain in excruciating detail how Martin’s physical comedy has the ability to unite the world in a single guffaw.

Personally, I believe Martin is overrated and nothing more than a cut-price Robin Williams.

Maybe, in the 70s, when life was harder and grown men could get away with wearing children’s shorts and making inappropriate gestures at women, Martin was the height of comedy. Maybe, Martin, like Eddie Murphy’s more offensive comedy, had his heyday in 1979. Frankly, I don’t care. During my average span of life, Martin has never been funny. Ever.

My first encounter with the legendary Martin was The Man With Two Brains. Have you tried watching this comedy today? It is excruciating. Puerile. Senseless. Dumb. It is an antique. A throwback to a more innocent time where fart jokes were considered sophisticated.

From there to EVERY SINGLE MOVIE since Two Brains, Martin has remained unfunny.

“Have you seen him The Jerk? Oh my god…that shit is hilarious. Martin is THE MAN!”

Can the general public continue to hold The Jerk as prime Martin and then ignore the next four decades of shit comedy?

That’s not to say that Martin isn’t a good actor. I love Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Here’s a great movie disguised as a ‘comedy’. It isn’t a comedy. It doesn’t make me laugh out loud. I smiled in parts. But outrageously funny? Wet your pants delirium? Guffawing in the aisles? No.

“Okay Salsa…so what is funny? What is comedy? Name a film that makes you pee yourself.”

Comedy is subjective. Much like fart jokes, not every fart can land a hit. Most will stink the place out.

Monty Python has genuine moments where a scene leaves me in stitches. I struggle for breath as each line is delivered with a deadpan expression. It kills me. Even today I can’t watch Life of Brian without laughing out loud.

Anchorman is another movie with incredible lines. The situations are all ridiculous and the delivery is spot on. Borat does physical comedy and awkward scenes. You cringe and then applaud at the sheer audaciousness of Baron Cohen.

Does Father of the Bride match Cohen’s wit? Was this film deserving of TWO sequels?

Do you know who was funny in Planes, Trains and Automobiles? Here’s a clue. It wasn’t Martin. John Candy tore up every scene in that film.

Martin was shit in the Three Amigos and don’t even get me started on Martin Short’s career. Is there one scene anybody can recall that has Martin being funny? Go on…one scene. I’m here all day.

I like Martin. I really do. He does a lot of work for charity and he’s a friend of humanity. A great guy. And yes, he can act. Roxanne is a brilliant example of Martin’s acting. It’s understated. It's charming. It’s Martin not being Martin.

But fuck me…it simply isn’t funny.

Here’s an incredibly long list of films with Martin in his prime. Have you found anything worth seeing? Did Martin peak in 1983?

I’ve read list after list of people’s favorite movies from every single year they’ve been alive. Do you know how many even mention a Martin film? Not one. How can a man who has been making movies since 1972 not have a single film that makes people defend with passion? How is that possible?

Is the problem me? Are the doyens of American comedy simply not very good? Is it time we readjusted our rose-tinted spectacles and call them out for the shit movies they collectively create? No. Chevy Chase is funny. So is John Candy. John Belusi. Robin Williams. Have you seen Richard Pryor in Brewster’s Millions? All of them are worthy of comedy legend status.

But Steve Martin?

No fucking way.