I’m Sick and Tired of Useless Family Members Who Don’t Give a Damn
“As you get older, you can energetically feel the difference between people who care about you and those who care at their own convenience”
Family can be the biggest pain in the ass.
You don’t get to choose them either. You are born into a family. Some members are good, some are great, and some are sh*tty.
I’m fed up with a member of my family. They make me feel like I’m worthless. Like everything I’ve done for them means nothing.
Here’s how I’m thinking about it all in case you’re in a similar situation.
“I got a baby you never see”
Since the birth of my daughter they’ve only seen her once.
By accident.
They don’t acknowledge she exists. They didn’t buy her a cute cuddly toy like every other family member. Even the neighbors I’ve known for 8 weeks care more about her.
I can’t imagine being a close family member and never acknowledging the addition of a new baby. How cruel would you have to be? Like, you’d have to be a serial killer. A monster.
One day when my daughter grows up I’m going to have to tell them this person is a moron. A deadbeat. Do I even tell her about them at all?
The worst excuse in the world
The excuse I get back is “they’re busy.”
It’s perhaps the worst excuse I’ve ever heard. It’s like saying “the dog ate my homework.” Really? Is that the best you can come up with?
You know, I might buy that crappy excuse if they weren’t filthy rich and didn’t have an army of people to help them with every aspect of life. Like, are you busy 24/7? Every minute of every hour? I don’t think so.
Busy is a band-aid. It’s a cop out. It’s a way to say f*ck off without saying f*ck off. I don’t fall for it. The reality is it’s easier to say you’re busy than it is to face the truth.
The truth hurts.
Especially if you’re a no-show family member.
When you ignore family this happens when you become old
It’s easy to ignore family.
Desk jobs can miraculously overtake your entire schedule if you let them. There’s no limit to how many emails or phone calls you send.
Money can be a brilliant excuse too.
“I have to work to earn money, otherwise we can’t afford this house and car.”
Most things we earn money for at work aren’t necessities. They’re nice-to-haves. They’re a way to turn your back on everything and let money be the driver. Sure, expenses can increase and bankruptcy can happen if you don’t pay the bills. But you can nuke the bills too.
Don’t worry, I’m not perfect either.
I’ve stupidly told my wife and kid that I had to work to earn money. Then I slapped myself across the face and remembered that I exist for them, not to stack $100 bills and miss my kid’s childhood.
While you’re young it’s easy to ignore family.
It’s when you get older and are retired that ignoring family becomes a pain in the ass. I wish my ignorant family member would understand this.
One day they’ll be at home by themselves with nothing to do. No kid, no wife, no job to keep them busy — and they’ll be lonely. They’ll start to think about family, but that family will be long gone.
They’ll wish they could go back and be there for the baby showers, birthdays, house warmings, and funerals of those who passed too soon.
The challenge with avoiding family is the debt of regret stacks up high until one day the bill comes due. On that day you’ll wish you never made this stupid decision.
As you get older, you can energetically feel the difference between people who care about you and those who care at their own convenience — Aaron Will
The ‘ask’ of family is low
Being a member of a functioning family isn’t a full-time job.
You answer their calls when you can. If you’re in a meeting you call them back within 24–48 hours. You reply to their text messages.
You email them on their birthday, or better yet, call them for 5 minutes and say hi. When a family member has a kid, you send flowers or perhaps dare to show up at their doorstep with a teddy bear for their kid.
When a family member needs help and your 9–5 job makes you an expert in their unique problem, you give them advice for free.
None of this is an obligation. But it is important to do.
Because if you ignore family you’ll likely experience loneliness and maybe even die alone. And that’s the saddest outcome one can ever go through.
Family may not always agree with each other on every subject, but that doesn’t need to get in the way of basic family engagement.
If you’re ignoring your family, stop it. If a family member is ignoring you, tell them enough is enough. Family first. Family always.
Now it’s time for me to take my own advice.