I’m Positive I’ll be the Star In Someone’s Memoir Someday

I’m sure my teenager will expose me for the monster I am

This might come as a surprise to those of us aged 40 plus, but we have lived a perfect life and we have nothing to complain about. My all-observing 19-year-old daughter, a self-certified expert in life, has declared it to be true.

Furthermore, her attempts to explain things are wasted energy because we JUST DON’T GET IT.

I think they made teenagers as a way to prepare us for the day when our kids leave home. Because, for today, I can’t wait to be childless again.

The current difficulties stem from an encounter with one of our neighbors on Halloween night. Jack was one of the first people we met after moving into the neighborhood. He’s married to a saint, and is the kind of person that is always willing to lend a hand, or provide assistance with neighborhood gossip.

He’s also a raging alcoholic. The kind that gets super happy and huggy.

On Halloween night, he dropped by as my husband and daughter sat outside distributing candy to the locals. As usual, he hugged my daughter and proceeded to slur words at her about how she should stay in school. Apparently, he wreaked like an unwiped 120-year-old ass.

I didn’t learn about any of this until afterward, when she plopped down on the couch next to me and proceeded to sob. Because she would never volunteer anything, I had to ask about the tears to get the full story.

Just FYI- this is a normal occurrence in my house. I’ve given birth to a drama queen, and although I love and support her, it gets old.

After she told me about Jack, I asked her why she didn’t come into the house the moment she saw him, or tell him to back off. In other words, why didn’t she try to take care of herself?

Her response was that I should know that Gen Z is non-confrontational and programmed to be kind. They don’t do well with anger.

Then she stormed off to her bedroom, telling me that I just don’t understand. Apparently, Gen Z anger is reserved only for parents.

If what she said is true, Gen Z had better toughen up or get squashed like a bug. I know the world can be an ugly place and if you don’t learn to deal with it, you are destined to fail. Or, constantly be in a weeping pile on your mom’s couch, if she’ll let you stay there.

According to my daughter, “older” people never had to deal with all the garbage that she’s had to deal with. I will concede that I never lived through a pandemic and the accompanying anxieties in my impressionable youth. I’ll also agree that social media has turned the world upside down.

But, I lived through the latter part of the cold war, an energy crisis, the threat of nuclear disaster, and 9/11. I remember my father talking about how bad things were during World War II. Every generation thinks it will be the last.

As far as men making inappropriate gestures and comments, I don’t know what to say, because I’m pretty sure that stuff isn’t going to stop any time soon. I was born with red hair and know a thing or two about being groped or leered at. And, please don’t think you will never run into another drunk person again. The key is to tap into your self-respect and deal with it.

No, my love, in many respects the world remains the same.

I did get confirmation from my husband that Jack was being his “typical” drunk self. Once he recognized (and smelled) the amount of alcohol involved, he promptly moved to get everyone inside. He told me that although Jack’s behavior was “icky,” it wasn’t lascivious or forward. He was the same dunken asshole we’ve known for years.

I believe what my daughter wanted at that moment was for me or my husband to solve the problem for her. I’m not sure what else we could have done besides punching Jack’s lights out, but that would have caused more problems for us than it would have been worth.

I know that depression and anxiety can be crippling at times, and I’m aware that my daughter has suffered these emotions for years. But, I believe that they can be overcome. I also believe that I won’t live forever, so my daughter had better tackle her monsters sooner, rather than later. When I leave this world, I’m taking the couch with me.

Years ago, one of my friends refused to answer the phone when her oldest daughter called her from college. Her daughter had just broken up with a guy and called her mother constantly to cry and complain. My friend had had enough and stopped talking to her daughter, telling me that if she didn’t learn how to deal with the pain on her own, she’d never grow up.

At the time, I thought my friend was being cold, but I understand completely now. Your own children can be energy vampires just like anyone else. Especially if you have other children, you can’t allow them to control your emotions. There is a fine line between being a parent and being a doormat.

I firmly believe that my job as a parent is to prepare my kids for life without me. That means teaching them how to stand up for themselves without completely crumbling.

I also believe that it’s important to demonstrate self-respect as a parent, and not be manipulated into giving them a life free of challenges or pain.

So, I will continue to love my daughter and help her when I can, but allow her to own her struggles and resolutions. That probably means she won’t speak to me for a few days. So be it.

I’m sure all of this is being relayed to her diary anyway and will probably reappear as a feature film, hopefully after I’m gone.