I’m okay…
I’m really not, and that is okay
What some motivational speakers fail to tell us
We’ve all seen the memes, posts and motivational posters telling us to be positive, and we are… mostly. What many fail to tell us is that one can not remain positive 24-hours-a-day. We will have off days, even off-hours and off-minutes. It takes practise to remain in a higher vibration, and the more we practise, the easier it becomes. It’s how we respond to the challenges, the off days, that speak even louder than how we celebrate the wins.
I’ve seen it first-hand. I’ve been it. I am in it right now. I’m not okay, at this precise moment, but I will be, and that, my friends, is the elixir, the Kool-Aid, the one lesson gleaned from this small moment in time.
I’ve been the one to look for the good in everything, even when it’s sad. This week, I lost a beloved aunt. She was one of the last remnants of my parent’s generation, and for someone who’s lost both parents in a relatively short amount of time, losing one of their counterparts stings all that much more.
It also happened to correspond on the launch day of my second children’s book. It was a good day, a great day, in fact. It had the makings of a spectacular day, and it was, but the loss of my aunt, even at the age of 92, left me bereft. It was a black fly in my chardonnay, as Alanis Morrisette sang. It wasn’t ironic, though. It was a teachable moment, and the lesson was not lost on me.
What I learned:
Celebrate the joys. Every day. Yes, this is gratitude. Give thanks for the little things, the lessons, the big things. It means being grateful for all you have in your life, even as simple as the fact that you opened your eyes today, you have a roof over your head and loved ones in your life. I am eternally grateful that I had my aunt in my life for as long as I did. I am thankful that I have the memories of family gatherings, her quick wit, and her laugh. I will always remember her inherent sass, her penchant for swearing at you (it’s how you knew she loved you), and especially her exuberance for life up until the end. I’m also grateful for things that have not yet happened — putting gratitude in practise for the goals I have yet to achieve. It’s envisioning in my mind’s eye the circumstances and the feeling of the goal attained, as if it’s already happened (that’s another article for another time, but I will give you a clue… Genevieve Behrend. She’s heavy, but worth the effort… more on that later).
Bad days will come. You will have bad days, even horrific ones. That day was not horrific, but it was sad. It was a closing of a chapter, and as an author, turning the page on a chapter means only that you have another chapter to discover, another adventure on the horizon. It is how you respond to the challenges that speak more to the moral of your story.
There’s always a lesson. You thought school was over, right? Thankfully, no. I don’t know about you, but I loved school. Well… mostly. Sure, it could be tiring, but to think that learning ends after graduation from high school, college or university is a sad state of affairs. I am learning every day — through study and action — to learn from mistakes and missteps, and to respond rather than react negatively to what I used to perceive as failures. It’s learning what didn’t work and readjusting and realigning so you can try again until you get it right… Just like Thomas Edison and numerous other inventors who adjusted and revised until they had their light bulb moment (yes, the pun was intended).
Sit in your feelings, but don’t stew in them. This was hard for me. I’m an emotional being, and a recovering pessimist. I write from the heart, and I wear my heart on my sleeve. It’s taken all week, from Monday afternoon to Saturday morning to process and extract the good. I didn’t think the good would ever come, especially since I felt like I was forcing it, and I was at times. I was a glass half empty person this week — and what I did not realise until today was — that glass — it’s refillable.
It’s okay to not be okay, to question your motives, and to realise that sometimes things will not go as planned.
Every morning, from Monday to Friday, I hop on a Zoom call with my 5 a.m. Wake Up Call group. It’s a study group of sorts, my first. We read through and discuss books on the Universal Laws. The first book we tackled was The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. This week, it’s Your Invisible Power by Genevieve Behrend. I’ll admit it’s a harder read than The Four Agreements, and I must sit in it, dissect, and discuss each section. It’s about constant practice to harness the power of your mind and your imagination to bring to life the goals, dreams and needs of those things you want in your reality. It’s an everyday envisioning, and sometimes it’s hard. Really hard, especially when the minute details of life get in the way (read self-doubt and habits that impede and distract you).
Here is my point: it’s okay to not be okay, to question your motives, and to realise that sometimes things will not go as planned. My plan was for me to reach #1 on Amazon’s best-seller list. That #1 spot was elusive. This time. But, I approached it as a selfish goal, a self-serving one. I lost sight of my mandate: to impact children’s lives by the stories I share. I was more intent on attaining that top position that I failed to recognise I was still creating an open dialogue between children and their parents. It was just in smaller increments.
My book hit #29 of 100. Still in the top 100, and that is good. I had concentrated on the accolades instead of the result. I shifted and came up with this: I have and will continue to reach children from all over the globe, by concentrated effort and an authenticity I feel to my core. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and that matters more than a ranking on Amazon. It was an indication that I’m on my way.
Last year, one of my first posts on Medium was about The Messy Middle. I spoke about the fear of transition, of not knowing what was next, and whether I would fly or fall. This week proved that I was still in the messy middle, despite my strides, and really, isn’t life about the messy middle? About trying? About not giving up when our first efforts fall short?
https://readmedium.com/the-messy-middle-d3330fbb4df2?sk=4bb555ded578ba14c33787d82c4a22b0
My efforts this week did not really fall short. I was distracted by the minutiae, by the feelings that came from the loss of my aunt, and yes, I wallowed and wailed. I lost sight of the journey because concentrated more on the finish line.
I’m not finished — not by a long shot — I still have a lifetime of learning ahead of me. Every day, and sometimes every hour. It’s how I approach the setbacks and perceived failures, by picking myself back up again (and again), and to do it with heart and yearning, for the lessons and opportunities that will continue to come to me. To teach me the lessons I have not yet mastered, and that is okay.
