I’m okay.
An open talk around men’s mental health and well-being.
Earlier in the week, I went along to a work event focused on Men’s Mental Health. I saw this as a good way to get out of my comfort zone, meet other people from across the business, and hopefully learn something about well-being.
Just to get a few things out of the way before sharing a few of the key takeaways I got from the event. Firstly I will be honest, I’ve never been good about talking about how I feel, or even knowing how I feel. I am pretty awful when it comes to looking after myself especially when it comes to going to the doctors. I would have to be in a state where I could barely move before getting some help.
I know it’s not a great start. I’ve put it down to a number of things, mainly around trying to project myself as being strong and capable even when I am struggling, especially in front of my family and loved ones.
Project all that into a workplace environment and the last thing I would ever think of doing would have been to really open up and talk to anyone, it always felt wrong, and that I should keep my work and personal lives separate, and if I was struggling either mentally or physically in any way, I would try my best to turn on my stone outer skin shell and power on, so to speak.
Even as I am writing this I know it’s both wrong, and really not good for anyone either mentally or physically, but it is still something I have never taken the time to confront, let alone try to change.
Fast forward to earlier this week, and during a company event focused on Men’s Health and well-being, I’m at least starting to change my outlook around my well-being, a lot of this all coming from one talk.
You’re not weak
It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help, and although this seems obvious, personally it’s not something I have ever been good at, or even willing to do, especially when it comes to those you work with.
Would I really tell a colleague that I don’t feel great this week and I have a lot on in my personal life? Of course not!
However, hearing someone from our business open up about their struggles around their mental health, being open and honest about their experiences, changed my perspective, simply hearing someone stand in front of so many others in a work environment and share their story.
It takes guts to do what they did, but why is this not the norm? To confront and be more open about how we feel, both inside and outside of work. Although there is still a long way to go, at least from my perspective, both for me and for wider society, I can at least see steps being made in the right direction.
Make time for you
Since turning 30, in a post covid world, and recently becoming a father, all be it almost over 3 years ago, I feel like time is something I have less and less of.
Both myself and my partner work, when I finish work, she is getting ready to leave for her job, and especially back during the start of COVID, even as a home bird, our house started feeling less like a home and more like a prison. With days turning into weeks, and letting my physical well-being take a back seat, for a little bit too long.
I will be honest during this time, it was not all bad, in fact in many cases it was good, I had a great job, a beautiful daughter, solid partner, but even then I knew I was letting my mind and body slowly get into a slump. I just didn’t feel right.
A few parts of the talks during this event stood out to me, with one statement about just going for a walk, a run, or getting out there when you can, even if it is during work between calls, or when you have a break.
Even over the last few days just getting outside and going for a short walk, really has made a positive effect on my mental well-being. I feel more focused, and a lot of those negative, overwhelming feelings subside.
I know going forward especially when I feel overwhelmed or have lots on my mind, I know a walk can help at least in some way to getting me back on track.
Are you okay?
Right, I will be blunt and honest here, I have never seen myself as normal, never felt like I have fitted in, and one of my weaknesses, has been in really taking the time to see how people are really doing and understanding it.
I’ve always been fascinated by people and why they do what they do, analyzing people, and how they interact with things especially when it comes to adverts, social media, and others. (maybe that’s why I got into my marketing career). Even with this I still feel disconnected rarely taking a step back, listening, understanding, and hopefully helping.
How many times in work or otherwise, have you said “Yeah, I’m okay you?” Even though we all know, we are not okay, but for whatever reason we want to display ourselves as being in order, under control, and a good member of society.
Spinning back to the talk at the Men’s Health event, another part that stuck with me was when they mentioned something similar to this, and instead of the usual, yeah I’m okay, and moving on, they opened up first, and within that, the truth came out. Just by speaking about what we are going through, and struggling with, can help, but time after time so many of us bottle it up, put on a brave mask, and carry on.
I still have a long way to go, in my journey through life and with better dealing with my mental and physical health. My hope is for anyone reading this if you are going through something, trying to act like everything is fine, but in reality, it’s not, that you can and should ask for help.
Closing thoughts
I am not a doctor, so this is not advice or guidance in any way on what to do if you are struggling with your mental or physical health, but what I do hope is at least over time, we can help break down the stigma around this almost macho framework of what men should be, and be more open and honest even to ourselves.
A few additional resources if you need any help or support:
