I’m Not Who You Want Me to Be, and I’m Finally Okay With That

Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

1257

Abstract

od was down to me. They cited my nine years of pain which is set to roll into year ten next month, my menopause, and the hassles I’m having with HRT, along with my ADHD, as reasons for their unhappiness.I was crushed by it, as usual. It wasn’t my first rodeo with this particular person, and I was well-versed in how my struggles damaged their mental health. But this time, something strange happened. I didn’t sit there in a puddle of self-recrimination or anger.As they spoke, I felt a light come on in my head — a dazzling blast of clarity in the darkness of the onslaught of blame and responsibility.I stood up and pulled my shoulders back before carefully and calmly (for the most part) explaining that while my health and my menopause, and my ADHD might feel like convenient hooks to hang their misery on, it was wrong. Their mood was their responsibility and their problem to fix. I had not at any point placed my issues in their hands and asked them to carry the burden, nor could I see any justification for my issues to be bearing down on them and destroying their mood right there and then.I have had ADHD my whole life, I’ve had pain for close to a decade

Options

, and my menopause is ambling along quite nicely; thank you very much. So using my issues and labels to justify their misery wasn’t on. And what’s more, I realized I am sick of it.I don’t personally know a single person who has worked so hard to bend and reshape themselves to fit society in the face of a chronic illness and neurodiversity as I have. Over the last ten years, I have absorbed book after book, podcast after podcast, and explored every angle to make myself better — for everyone else!And I’ve had enough. Enough of trying to change who I am and enough of trying to fit in with someone else’s expectations. Enough.I’m done with it. This is me. This is who I am. I’m noisy, I swear a lot, I’m 48, and I look it. I have severe pain, and it slows me down sometimes. I get distracted easily, I over-share about my menopause, and I talk too much. Oh, and my memory is sh!t.But I am also kind and generous, loving and compassionate. I’m funny and sarcastic, and if you are in trouble and I love you, no one will fight harder for you than me.So I stand by every word of my last article. I am perfect. Perfect in my own eyes. And that is enough.</article></body>

No more taking it on the chin. I’m enough and I see that now.

In my last article, I wrote about how I have embraced the possibility that I am perfect as I am, and all efforts to improve myself somehow missed that point. After reading enough self-help books to fill a small library, I decided to stop and get comfortable with myself as I am. And it worked well overall.

But every good intention soon flies out of the window when adversity strikes, and last night, trouble struck in the form of someone very close to me explaining that their low mood was down to me. They cited my nine years of pain which is set to roll into year ten next month, my menopause, and the hassles I’m having with HRT, along with my ADHD, as reasons for their unhappiness.

I was crushed by it, as usual. It wasn’t my first rodeo with this particular person, and I was well-versed in how my struggles damaged their mental health. But this time, something strange happened. I didn’t sit there in a puddle of self-recrimination or anger.

As they spoke, I felt a light come on in my head — a dazzling blast of clarity in the darkness of the onslaught of blame and responsibility.

I stood up and pulled my shoulders back before carefully and calmly (for the most part) explaining that while my health and my menopause, and my ADHD might feel like convenient hooks to hang their misery on, it was wrong. Their mood was their responsibility and their problem to fix. I had not at any point placed my issues in their hands and asked them to carry the burden, nor could I see any justification for my issues to be bearing down on them and destroying their mood right there and then.

I have had ADHD my whole life, I’ve had pain for close to a decade, and my menopause is ambling along quite nicely; thank you very much. So using my issues and labels to justify their misery wasn’t on. And what’s more, I realized I am sick of it.

I don’t personally know a single person who has worked so hard to bend and reshape themselves to fit society in the face of a chronic illness and neurodiversity as I have. Over the last ten years, I have absorbed book after book, podcast after podcast, and explored every angle to make myself better — for everyone else!

And I’ve had enough. Enough of trying to change who I am and enough of trying to fit in with someone else’s expectations. Enough.

I’m done with it. This is me. This is who I am. I’m noisy, I swear a lot, I’m 48, and I look it. I have severe pain, and it slows me down sometimes. I get distracted easily, I over-share about my menopause, and I talk too much. Oh, and my memory is sh!t.

But I am also kind and generous, loving and compassionate. I’m funny and sarcastic, and if you are in trouble and I love you, no one will fight harder for you than me.

So I stand by every word of my last article. I am perfect. Perfect in my own eyes. And that is enough.