avatarEmma Holiday

Summary

The author reflects on their personal journey of discovering their transgender identity and grapples with the concept of 'normalcy,' emphasizing the subjective and variable nature of societal norms.

Abstract

The author shares their experience of coming to terms with being transgender later in life, which has led to a profound internal conflict and a sense of detachment from their previous 'normal' existence. They explore the fluidity of what is considered 'normal' in society, noting that it is influenced by conformity, social norms, and is relative to person, time, place, and situation. The author argues that 'normal' is a construct that changes with context and that diversity in norms is what makes life interesting. They acknowledge the pain and self-reflection involved in their transition, including challenging long-held prejudices, but ultimately embrace their differences and the unique perspective it brings.

Opinions

  • The author feels that the concept of 'normal' is not only variable but also limiting, as it is based on conformity and societal standards that are not universally applicable.
  • They express that the process of reconciling their transgender identity has been both painful and enlightening, leading to a re-evaluation of their beliefs and self-identity.
  • The author suggests that the diversity of societal norms should be celebrated rather than feared, as it contributes to a richer human experience.
  • They believe that the definition of 'normal' is so subjective that even slight changes in one's environment can alter it, implying that 'normal' is not a fixed state but a dynamic condition.
  • The author is optimistic about their future, finding their differences to be a source of fascination and self-acceptance, despite anticipating confusion from others upon coming out.

I’m Not Normal and Neither are You

As I ponder my late life discovery that I am transgender, I have regularly felt a disconnect with being “normal”. I experienced a profound internal conflict as I sensed an increasing detachment to those around me. I was becoming an outsider.

When I was normal, my life was simpler. I was accepted by family and friends. I knew what was expected of me and I was OK with it. I was so indoctrinated with rules of the Baby Boomer generation that I forgot that they were there, inside me. Being binary was OK. Now I have been thrust into this very odd world that has placed me outside the “NORM”. I have suddenly asked myself:

What is normal?

Normal is also used to describe individual behavior that conforms to the most common behavior in society (known as conformity). Definitions of normality vary by person, time, place, and situation — it changes along with changing societal standards and norms.

So, if normal varies by person, time, place, and situation, then by simply walking a distance from where you are now, normal changes. Knock on your neighbor’s door and ask them to define “normal” and it will be different than yours. Sure, you will find some commonality but you will also find many differences.

That brings us to social norms. Social norms are regarded as collective representations of acceptable group conduct as well as individual perceptions of particular group conduct. They are an informal understanding that govern the behavior of members of a particular society or social group. This can include families, tribes, clans, chiefdoms, neighborhoods, states and nations.

Essentially a large enough group can establish its own society. A society is a group of individuals involved in persistent social interaction, or a large social group sharing the same spatial or social territory, typically subject to the same political authority and dominant cultural expectations.

Think “Lord of the Flies.”

The world is a collection of societies that co-exist together. The norms of your society are probably not the norms of another. We visit other countries on vacation to experience something outside our norm. National Geographic built a publishing empire predicated on sharing what is outside our norm. We forget that when that lens is reversible we are not normal to the people of those articles.

So, forget normal. What is normal to one is abnormal to another. Recognize that, with very little change in your physical location, you are no longer normal…

and that is ok.

Who wants to live in a world where everything is the same? Imagine how boring it would be?

My life was interesting before but now I find it fascinating. Much of this experience has been very painful. For the last three years I have mercilessly been tearing myself apart to the point of being cruel. I have also spent time seriously challenging some of the life-long prejudices that I have held that I have never known existed. The process has given me time to seriously re-evaluate who I am and what I believe.

So, I am not normal and that’s ok. I’m definitely not boring. I am sure, if and when I come out, that I will be the entertaining topic of a lot of confused friends and family.

I am starting to like my differences.

Emma Holiday

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Transgender
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