Humor

My Love Affair With My Sexy Tall Toilet and Her Friends The Grab Bar Girls

Ooh, she’s such a sexy piece of porcelain.

I found her in the toilet aisle like she had been waiting for me all her life.

But wait.

Some background information might be warranted.

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, I was my mom’s sole caregiver. Somehow, she broke my ex-toilet.

She was a good toilet. A bit short for my taste, but I was happy.

I needed to go out trolling the aisles and find a new one.

There she was. As if she were made for me. Waiting for me to find her and whisk her away to a better life.

The new love interest

Oh, what a sexy piece of porcelain.

The ex stood 14 inches from the floor to the top of her seat. The average, standard height for a toilet. Not a whole lot in the looks department. Quite utilitarian.

My new queen stands a full 19 inches from the floor to the top of her seat. She fully complies with the height requirements of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990. She’s also a conservationist, using less water than the ex to do the same job.

And she does it with style and grace.

She’s a bit flat and boxy on top, but boy does she have curves in all the right places. She makes sitting down and getting back up a dream.

Being taller, she made taking my mom to the bathroom easier for both mom and me. Less strain on mom’s legs to get back up and less strain on my back, helping her up.

Little did I realize that one day, she would become indispensable in my life.

The Dream Team

Not long after my glorious new toilet came home with me, her friends, the Grab Bar Girls showed up and came to stay.

Together, they became The Dream Team.

The Grab Bar Girls became instrumental in helping mom steady herself in situations such as:

• Helping mom steady herself as I pulled her pants off and on to go to the bathroom.
• Standing for a few seconds while the home health aid did the same for her bath.

The Dream Team complemented each other at every turn. Always helping out when needed til the day my mom passed.

Again, I had no idea how instrumental they would all become to me later.

The Dream Team rides again

After my mom passed, we all fell into a quiet existence. I started wondering if the Grab Bar Girls needed to move on to greener pastures or allow them to stay with me.

Then all hell broke loose in March 2021.

No, not covid, but it almost killed me all the same. Acute pancreatitis due to gallstones along with a giant pseudocyst.

After spending a week in the hospital, I came home weak and overmedicated. I had difficulties with balance because of the meds.

But who was there for me when I got home?

You got it. The Dream Team.

My gloriously sexy tall toilet and her friends the Grab Bar Girls were happy to help make life easier and safer. They were glad to be put to the test again. I am taller and heavier than my mom was, but they all withstood the abuse.

They were happy to be needed again. They thrived on it.

Open-heart surgery in January of 2022 for a double bypass and replace a heart valve was no trip to the candy store.

Once again, the ladies were happy to make sure my recovery was safer than it would have been without them.

I live alone so the little things help more than I can say.

The future

After a very bad year, I've realized that I’m getting older and will never be who I once was. I’ve fallen in love with the Dream Team.

My sexy tall toilet and the Grab Bar Girls have been with me through some tough times over the past 15 years. I just can’t see my life without them anymore.

All of us who are getting older could use a sexy tall toilet and Grab Bar Girls. You never know when they’ll come in handy.

Equal opportunity

Now you know I can’t leave out the ladies in the audience. There are male versions of the sexy tall toilet as well as Grab Bar Boys out there for you as well.

Even tall, dark, and handsome.

You can dress them up however you desire. You can put hats on them to make them either distinguished or warm and fuzzy. Shirts are also available in different styles. Dress them as sexy or as comforting as you want.

You can do whatever you want to make your own version of the sexy tall toilet. Your wildest imagination is your only limitation.

Go out and get your own sexy tall toilet and be as happy as I am!

If you liked this story, buy me a can of toilet bowl cleaner at Ko-fi.

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