I’m Going Back To Birkesnstocks
I’m Free (response to Sherry McGuinn Hole in Jeans) I will post the link at the end of my article)
Myself and the Shackenator singing. I don’t have a good voice and I don’t Care
Sherry I was thinking about what you wrote for a very long time. Then I realized the thinking was blocking my ability to give an honest answer.
Here it goes: this was the first thought when I read your story. You should be smile your ass off (no pun intended). You get to be the real you. No mask. No hiding behind what is called “I need to look a certain way to go to dinner here or I will be judged.” Judged by who. The 20 year old supermodel in the booth next to yours?
Fuck her. She isn’t comfortable in her own skin. Hell if she gains one pound the agency might kick her out. So as you’re secretly trying to hide your wine addiction, you notice she is going to the bathroom every 5 minutes. She has to keep up her coke habit. We all were so good at playing pretend.
This is what it is supposed to look like and I can make it look like that from the outside. I look perfect, but inside of they only knew how fucked up I am.
This was a common and recurring theme in my life. Thought I could sneak my coke and heroin habit past everybody. I did for a bit, but people thought I had cancer or HIV/AIDS. Which who knows I guess I could have either. I was tested and it came back negative for HIV. That being said I deal with OCD as well just differently than you. My OCD tells me that the test was wrong and I have it and need to keep getting tested. If I give in I won’t ever be able to stop. So I asked my husband if he would care and if he would stay with me.
His answer immediately, without hesitation, was of course. If you have it I want it so that we can live through it together. Now listen I told him I would never do that to him. Wait a second. Hold the line. Are we talking about something I don’t even have? Yes. He knows my OCD so he knows what to say which does get me going a little more, but at the same time makes me stop. It is what it is anyway.
Nothing I can do about it now and poof! OCD creeps back into a dark dark hidden corner of my brain for awhile.
I love fashion. I love my makeup. I like you will shower. Although every other day for me. I always was my face and brush my teeth.
As much as I love all of the material things that I believed myself to be so gorgeous, they became less of a priority. I love my basketball UM shorts that my dad bought me with one of my Chaser T’s. No make up and a hat to cover my greasy hair.
I feel more beautiful than ever. I’m free. Free of all the bullshit they sell telling me I’m going to look better this way or that way! I am beautiful naked and flawed. The way God made me. I don’t mind being archaic. It has set me free of all my masks.
I’ve become brutally honest on Medium because I no longer care whether people like me or not. Fuck em if they don’t. I’m not looking for fake and phony people to care about me. The real desk people are the people like you Sherry McGuinn Chris Hedges Gurpreet Dhariwal Lanu Pitan Amy Marley Tom Byers kurt gasbarra Annelise Lords Martine Weber Martin Rushton Pierre Henery X …. R Tsambounieri Talarantas Dr John Rose Larry Nowicki.
The list goes on, but for now here is where I begin.
This is my new beginning. Let’s all be honest. My rebirth in a way. So I’m rocking my Birkenstock’s and my sweatpants. Personal hygiene of course. The rest is back to basics. That’s what God tells me anyway. I love you Sherry! God Bless to All!
If you enjoyed this please be part of the opinion with a big shout out to Sherry McGuinn
Kira Dawn The Gorgeous Mess
a.k.a. Bestie
a.k.a. Ditto Squared
a.k.a. Kween
Copyright July 3, 2020. All Rights Reserved.