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et my credit card.</p><p id="0cd1">My agrees?</p><p id="8556">My adreeze?</p><p id="f2ec">Oh! My <i>address</i>. Don’t you already have my address?</p><p id="930b">For verification. Of course.</p><p id="8f9d">So-so suckery?</p><p id="df8f">Oh, my social security number. For verification. Oh yes, of course.</p><p id="c95e">Before I give you that, can I ask you a question?</p><p id="f6f8">Thanks. Are you talking on one of those headsets?</p><p id="e23d">Oh, good. Could you take it and shove it up your ass?</p><p id="ed37">Yes, that’s right. As soon as possible, please.</p><p id="0a43">Why? Because the IRS doesn’t ask for money over the phone.</p><p id="64bd">No, they don’t.</p><p id="74c9">No.</p><p id="7f11">No, they don’t.</p><p id="90b7">Stop saying “res.” You’re not from the IRS, so how about you get a real job and stop trying to scam people out of their money? That’d be just swell.</p><p id="af2e"><i>Swell</i>. It’s a term the cool kids used back in the day.</p><p id="78d1">Back in the day. You know, like…yesterday (rolls eyes).</p><p id="99dc">I’ve got to run, but I’m glad you called. I’d love to chat some more but my unicorn is hungry and I’m all out of glitter and rainbow dust, so…</p><p id="a597">Joking? Why would I joke about something like that? Are you calling me a liar? That’s outrageous. I won’t lie to strangers. Whoever would do such a thing should be hoisted up by their nipples and have their feet tickled mercilessly.</p><p id="0b0b

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">Anyway, say hi to the hubs and the little scammers at home.</p><p id="0c37">By the way, I didn’t catch your name.</p><p id="f849">Oh! She hung up on me. How rude.</p><p id="f3f9">This was based on one of <a href="undefined">Keeley Schroder</a>’s April writing prompts. From #18 — Write a letter to scammers or cold-callers. This was a different interpretation, but I hope you enjoyed it!</p><p id="65ed"><i>Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, please click the clap button 50 times and leave a comment as well. Follow me if you would like to receive updates whenever new posts are published.</i></p><p id="a31d">If you are not a paying member of Medium, I would like to invite you to join using my referral link. It doesn’t cost you anything extra and it would really help me out. Thanks!</p><div id="0ef4" class="link-block"> <a href="https://medium.com/@ellrichbrandon/membership"> <div> <div> <h2>Join Medium with my referral link - Brandon Ellrich</h2> <div><h3>Read every story from Brandon Ellrich (and thousands of other writers on Medium). Your membership fee directly supports…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*gdg7lDmot2w_N1FD)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

I’m Glad I Answered THIS Phone Call!

The “IRS” called. Thank God I was home!

Photo by Yasin Arıbuğa on Unsplash; The “IRS” on the phone was about as legitimate as talking to that banana.

Hello?

Who?

Oh yes, this is he.

I’m sorry, I couldn’t quite understand you. Could you repeat that?

The IRS? I sent in my tax return already and I’m waiting for my refund.

I’m sorry, could you repeat that?

What do you mean I OWE money? That doesn’t make sense.

How much do I owe?

That sounds like a lot. Do you know how much I make?

You don’t? You’re the IRS; shouldn’t you have that information?

Well, anyway… I don’t earn enough income to be required to pay that amount.

You did what?

Oh, audit. No, I don’t want to get audited.

Pageantry?

Oh, I’m sorry…penalty. Penalty?! No, I don’t want that!

I can pay right now over the phone? Oh, thank you. Yes, please. Let me get my credit card.

My agrees?

My adreeze?

Oh! My address. Don’t you already have my address?

For verification. Of course.

So-so suckery?

Oh, my social security number. For verification. Oh yes, of course.

Before I give you that, can I ask you a question?

Thanks. Are you talking on one of those headsets?

Oh, good. Could you take it and shove it up your ass?

Yes, that’s right. As soon as possible, please.

Why? Because the IRS doesn’t ask for money over the phone.

No, they don’t.

No.

No, they don’t.

Stop saying “res.” You’re not from the IRS, so how about you get a real job and stop trying to scam people out of their money? That’d be just swell.

Swell. It’s a term the cool kids used back in the day.

Back in the day. You know, like…yesterday (*rolls eyes*).

I’ve got to run, but I’m glad you called. I’d love to chat some more but my unicorn is hungry and I’m all out of glitter and rainbow dust, so…

Joking? Why would I joke about something like that? Are you calling me a liar? That’s outrageous. I won’t lie to strangers. Whoever would do such a thing should be hoisted up by their nipples and have their feet tickled mercilessly.

Anyway, say hi to the hubs and the little scammers at home.

By the way, I didn’t catch your name.

Oh! She hung up on me. How rude.

This was based on one of Keeley Schroder’s April writing prompts. From #18 — Write a letter to scammers or cold-callers. This was a different interpretation, but I hope you enjoyed it!

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, please click the clap button 50 times and leave a comment as well. Follow me if you would like to receive updates whenever new posts are published.

If you are not a paying member of Medium, I would like to invite you to join using my referral link. It doesn’t cost you anything extra and it would really help me out. Thanks!

Join Medium with my referral link - Brandon Ellrich

Read every story from Brandon Ellrich (and thousands of other writers on Medium). Your membership fee directly supports…

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