I’m Getting Real Tired Of Safety Theatre

If we’re so focused on shoes we miss the sparklers, it’s not working

Every year since I turned 25, I started a mini-tradition. Once a year, I take a trip somewhere I’ve never been.

This tradition helps motivate me to get the hell out there and explore. I visited eight countries and countless cities in China and the US. A global pandemic looked like it’d stop me, but once vaccines rolled out, I got back to exploring.

This year, I’m excited about my trip. I’ve never seen Phoenix before, and I’m eager to see what the city has to offer.

I’m Excited For The Trip, Not The Airport

The only thing I’m not looking forward to is going to the airport. The plane ride isn’t bad, but the trudge through security is another story.

I’d once heard of airline security as Safety Theatre, and it’s true. You get scanned for the weirdest things. You have to take your shoes off in the States because of one asshole in 2001! But yet other things get past security without a second glance.

Let me tell you a story about an event that happened to someone close to me. For the sake of privacy, I’m changing names, and this person gave me permission to tell the story.

Last month, this person took their kids to Florida. The kids packed everything up and headed to the airport. They did the usual checking bags and taking off shoes. Everything seemed normal until they landed in Florida and unpacked.

One of the kids had Sparklers in their bag! The kid had no idea they were in there! I don’t know who still needs to know this, but sparklers are banned from planes.

It makes me question the need for people to take off their shoes. How do you get so focused on people’s shoes that you don’t notice an obvious flammable object in the bags? Lucky for them, the TSA didn’t see it. However, it could’ve turned into a bigger mess than they wanted if they did.

If The Rules Don’t Make Sense, Fuck The Rules

Now, I know you can’t stop following the rules in airplane security. That’s how you get yourself on a permanent no-fly list. But there are ways to rebel against ridiculous rules.

So, how do you do it for shoes? Wear flip-flops! The shoes are so thin there’s no way anyone could hide stuff in there. It shows how stupid the rule is.

What about the body scanner? Don’t wear underwire bras. It doesn’t matter I’m not wearing metal; it still says I have some metal in me. I’m still trying to figure that out since I don’t have the metal plates or anything. Although I do have a metal wire in my mouth. Why doesn’t the body scan ever catch that?

I haven’t figured out the laptop loophole, but I don’t know why the rule exists. I don’t want it in the checked baggage, so I don’t feel like trying to mess with that rule.

And as for masks, they make sense on the airplane and airport, so I don’t try to work around it. The most I do is take it off when I eat.

I’m one person, and these minor rebellions make me feel like I’m doing something. Will anything change? Probably not now. But if enough people start saying something in the future, then maybe we’ll see a change in my lifetime.

Final Thoughts

I love to travel, and I take the bullshit security measures with a smile. Now that I know something as small as a sparkler got through security, it makes me more skeptical.

What’s the point of taking off our shoes when security doesn’t notice sparklers? Why bother making us go through a body scan when we know there’s nothing metal on our person? The rules don’t make sense, yet we have to follow them to keep traveling.

If there were more bullet trains in the States, I’d happily change to trains. I’d never jump on a plane again if overnight trains were a thing in the US. Unless the trip was international. Then I don’t have a choice.

I can’t change the rule, but I can create some petty revenge. My Phoenix trip is a month away. It’s time to go shopping for some sandals.

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