Summary

The author is embracing a healthier lifestyle by abstaining from alcohol and caffeine, which has led to a newfound mental clarity and the realization of the need to distance themselves from toxic people and situations.

Abstract

The author reflects on their past use of alcohol as a coping mechanism for stress and anxiety, and how quitting has provided a clearer perspective on personal relationships. With over a month of sobriety, they have taken inventory of their life, particularly in how they deal with toxic individuals. A recent encounter with such a person caused significant stress, leading the author to consume caffeine, which they had also given up, to cope with the lack of sleep. This incident has strengthened their resolve to remove negative influences from their life, as they recognize the importance of mental and physical health over maintaining relationships that lead to harmful behaviors. The author emphasizes the importance of mental clarity, especially when living a busy life with multiple responsibilities, and encourages others to prioritize their well-being by distancing themselves from toxic people, much like one would remove toxic substances from their home.

Opinions

The author believes in addressing problems logically and avoiding drama in both personal and professional settings.
They advocate for swift resolution of disagreements when dealing with rational individuals and are quick to apologize if they are in the wrong.
The author views reaching for alcohol to cope with toxic people as a poor strategy, as it only postpones dealing with the underlying issues.
They express that sacrificing personal health to appease others or avoid conflict is not worth the long-term consequences.
The author is committed to being ruthless in cutting out toxic people and situations from their life to preserve their health and happiness.
They suggest that just as one should not keep harmful substances like alcohol at home, one should also be wary of keeping toxic relationships in their life.
The author values the extra time and mental clarity gained from sobriety and encourages others to use this newfound resource wisely.
They believe that no matter the history or relationship, it is not worth compromising one's well-being and that life is too short to not prioritize oneself.

I’m ditching toxic people along with alcohol

One unhealthy way I used alcohol in the past — as I’m sure many of you readers have too — was to numb my senses to things I was unhappy about.

Feeling stressed or anxious? Well, here’s an easy way not to feel like that anymore *chug*!

Of course, all you’re doing when you try to solve problems that way is pushing that stress and anxiety down the road, where it will come back at you at an even higher intensity level.

Taking inventory

But as I sit here approaching my first full month without alcohol in years and with a newfound mental clarity, I’m starting to take inventory of my life and how I’ve dealt with toxic people and situations in the past.

I try my best to be a zero drama person, whether that’s at work or in social situations. I don’t want drama in my or my family’s life and I believe there is a logical way to solve almost any problem. I think I’m pretty good at almost always remaining even-keeled.

If I get into a disagreement with you and I believe you to be a kind, rational person, I will move as quickly as possible to rectify said disagreement. If, in retrospect, I find that I was perhaps overly sensitive or had a legitimate role to play in the situation, I will be quick to apologize and suggest ways we can move on in a positive fashion.

Yet, there are some cases where the situation is untenable because you know you are dealing with a toxic person who is neither kind nor rational.

A poor way to cope

If we feel obligated to keep this person or situation around out of fear of offending others or hurting feelings, our instinct can be to reach for alcohol in order to cope/forget the situation exists (even if it’s only temporary).

I ran into a jarring situation this week which definitely shook me but also hardened my resolve on this quit drinking journey.

Because this situation, which came out of nowhere at the hands of a toxic person, caused me to lose almost an entre night’s sleep (and I wanted to be at my best, most energetic for my boys’ sports sessions the following day), I had two cups of coffee in the morning to do away with the grogginess.

I know what you’re thinking: “What’s the big deal, James? It’s a couple cups of coffee?”

If you’ve followed my musings here since I returned to this platform in mid-August, you’ll know why I quit caffeine around the same time as I quit alcohol. You can read more about my reasons why and the amazing benefits I felt just 10 days after ditching my all-day coffee habit.

It wasn’t so much that having a couple coffees was a problem in and of itself. I won’t drink it tomorrow and it’ll be fine.

It’s that a toxic person had entered my positive space and thrown me off a course that was important to me and my health.

This was both deeply disappointing and a little bit scary. If this situation could throw me, what other awful surprise was waiting around the bend at the hands of this person, and how would I react?

A newfound resolve

Although I faltered on caffeine (and paid the price in anxiety as a result), I was actually encouraged by my lack of desire for booze. I truly valued having my wits about me at all times throughout the process.

What I’ve come to accept since that incident, as uncomfortable as it may be for some people to hear, is that there’s a pragmatic and totally acceptable way to deal with situations like this: remove the people and situations that cause you stress and anxiety and leave you reaching for the bottle to cope.

Remove them now with zero hesitation.

So many of us have relied on alcohol in large part to make other people happy. We suppress what’s important to us in order to not rock the boat, to avoid conflict, to make our friends or spouses or families happy.

We numb ourselves so that we can accept those issues and keep the peace.

And all the while, we are sacrificing our own mental and physical health.

It’s quittin’ time

Well, I’ve quit drinking, and I’m quitting toxic people too. I will be ruthless about it.

I have a crazy busy life, with work, kids, my writing here and my other side hustles, and I only have so much mental bandwidth. Now that it’s unencumbered by booze, I love and value this mental clarity more than ever.

Just as you wouldn’t keep toxic alcohol in your cupboard, you may come to find as you progress along your journey that it’s unhelpful to keep toxic people in your phone, too.

In fact, like having a secret bottle of whiskey in your closet, it’s downright detrimental to the positive changes you’re trying to make in your life.

At some point, you will probably reach a crossroads with the various people who are not contributing to your day-to-day experience in a positive way.

Maybe they are family members. Maybe you have a long history.

Neither of those connections are worth throwing your health and happiness away for anymore.

Life is too short.

For once, I’m putting me first.

Thank you all for reading this piece and I hope you enjoyed it. If so, please give it a clap so others can find it! Did you know if you hold the clap button, you can give more than one to any particular story? It was news to me!

Looking for more inspiration? Here are some more pieces I’ve written over the past couple of weeks:

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