I’m Chris!
It’s nice to meet you
Hi, it’s nice to meet you
I’m Chris Hedges. I love writing, reading and interacting here. I’m one of the editors of Illumination. I also am one of the editors at The Bad Influence as well as Red Curtain Erotica.
I’m my 14-year-old son’s caregiver, along with my ex. He has autism. Now that he’s distance learning, I’m helping make sure he studies as well as act as his IT person. I appreciate what teachers do since it’s a challenge to motivate him to study.
I’m non-binary, trans-femme. I’ve been on anti-testosterone medication and estradiol since November 6, 2019. I consider that my second birthday. I’ve felt femme since I was about 4 or 5 years old. I always liked hanging out with the girls, playing dolls, having tea parties, and wishing I was a girl. I’m bi (I like both men and women), but more romantically attracted to women.
As I was growing up, I knew it wasn’t acceptable to be femme, so I learned to present well as a man. But, I always had my femme side. I would dress up in private whenever I could just to feel like my real self.
I sublimated a lot since there wasn’t much information or ways to discuss my feelings until I got into college. I studied hard and went to school. I also worked hard doing internships, as well as working jobs during school. I earned my BA in journalism and political science. I enjoy both subjects. Journalism classes were fun because my class of 1992 was almost 75 percent female. I felt like I fit in there more than in other classes. Political science was pretty well mixed as well. When I went to college, it was majority female.
After undergrad, I went to law school. I didn’t start out wanting to go to law school. I was looking for journalism jobs after having worked at several government entities as an intern. I also applied for jobs in the communications departments of various state agencies. I ended up working as a temp at my undergrad school in their law school. I discovered that it wasn’t as intimidating as it seemed looking in from the outside.
I had a friend who was in law school at the place where I ended up attending. He was doing well. He was an inspiration — if he could thrive, then I could do it also. Sometimes, it is just a matter of getting over my fear and going for it.
I worked in the debtor/creditor field as a lawyer for almost 15+ years. I enjoyed law, but it wasn’t my calling. It was nice because I got to talk with thousands of people and go to courts all over my state and area. I was a “road warrior” traveling a circuit. It was nice to be able to get out of the office and travel the back-roads and highways. I got to see a lot of places. I always made a point of making sure to explore a little around the area since it made the job more enjoyable.
I developed a heart issue, so I’m not working now. But, I’ve recovered so that I can take care of my son. I also help his grandparents as well. They live with his mom. My parents live out of town — I don’t think they’d want any help. They are still running around in their late 70’s. I’m “medically frail” according to my doctors, so I have to be careful during these days. But, I’m strong enough to transition.
I decided to transition after realizing that I was healthy enough to do so. I’ve also had a lot of counseling. All that was holding me back when I made my decision was my fear. I decided to go for it again. I contacted the health center in Chicago that handles HRT and other LGBTQ+ issues and set up an appointment.
I remember being excited and nervous. I wondered if I was “trans” enough. My endocrinologist reviewed my medical records and told me I was clear to start transitioning. I signed all of my informed consent paperwork. I have been on a fun journey ever since.
I’ve been working on loving myself. I’ve found that nobody can give me the love I need to fill the “hole” that is inside of me. But, I can fill it by thinking about loving myself and accepting myself as I am. It also allows me to radiate that love out to you. It has been wonderful discovering this.
I’m still awkward and my voice bothers me when I hear it in records. But, I love myself now. I can handle looking at my pictures and at the mirror. I don’t feel like I don’t belong.
It has been a long journey, but counseling, struggle, adversity and triumphs have brought me to where I am these days.
The journey has been fun. I love feeling the way I do now. I’m finally at ease.
I love you and wish you health and happiness!
If you want to email me, feel free to contact me at [email protected].
💗💗💗
Love,
This introduction is inspired by Dr Mehmet Yildiz’s request for editors and writers to introduce themselves to readers of The Illumination.
