I’m All Served Out

Summary

The author reflects on their experience of overcommitting to church ministry, leading to burnout and a reevaluation of their approach to service and relationships within the church community.

Abstract

The author describes the intense involvement in their church's children's ministry and Bible study leadership, which resulted in consistent early mornings and weekly meetings. Despite the physical and emotional toll, they initially wore their exhaustion as a badge of honor, aligning with the biblical call to serve as Jesus did. However, the pandemic provided a much-needed pause, allowing the author to recognize their unsustainable pattern of saying 'yes' to every opportunity to serve. This realization led to a necessary step back to prioritize self-care and genuine connections with others, shifting from leadership to participation in a Bible study group and fostering friendships outside of ministry obligations. The author acknowledges the challenges of making friends as an adult and the complexity of fellowship within the church, emphasizing the importance of mutual understanding in faith. The journey towards recovery and self-love is ongoing, guided by the example of Jesus' love.

Opinions

The author believes that while serving in the church is important and aligns with the teachings of Jesus, it should not lead to personal depletion.
There is a critique of the church culture that often glorifies burnout as a sign of dedication and commitment to serving.
The author feels that true fellowship among believers is rare and requires a shared level of understanding and faith, which was previously missing in their interactions.
The pandemic-induced break from church activities is seen as a positive opportunity for introspection and reevaluation of personal boundaries and priorities in ministry and relationships.
The author expresses a shift in perspective, now valuing emotional self-care and the development of authentic relationships over the quantity of service activities.

I put everything into ministry and lost myself in the process.

Have you ever been in a room on your own surrounded by twenty crying babies and toddlers?

That was a typical Sunday for me serving in my church’s children’s ministry.

We often had more kids to look after than volunteers to look after them, so week after week, I would get up early on a Sunday and serve. In addition to serving on the kids’ team, I was also co-leading a Bible study. There were meetings once a week in addition to team huddles on Sundays.

At those team huddles, we’d thank God for all of our blessings and the opportunity to serve Him. We’d wear our burnout with pride on our sleeves.

I look back at how much I served in church before the pandemic and I don’t know how I lasted so long.

Don’t get me wrong – serving is a great way to get involved at church. Jesus had a servant’s heart, and we should model that.

Mark 10:45 (NIV) says, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

I love this verse, but it’s both a blessing and a curse in church communities. I wanted to be more like Jesus, serving wholeheartedly. But Jesus was God and I wasn’t. I gave myself to my church until I was an empty shell of a human being.

Friendships and Fellowship

You’d think that because I was so involved, I would have close friends at church, but I never interacted with them if we weren’t talking about ministry. I remember inviting a few of them to my birthday party and none of them showed.

I was serving in a desperate attempt to foster relationships with the believers around me, only for them to hold me at arm’s length. It was incredibly frustrating and it felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall.

As an adult, friendships are so hard. Being able to have a genuine connection with someone is about as rare as finding a diamond on a shelf in a grocery store. Fellowship with other believers is the boss level of friendship. You’d think you’d have common ground, but if their understanding of their faith and their church community is on a completely different level from you, then you haven’t connected at all.

Stepping Back and Leaning In

When the pandemic hit and church went online, I stepped back from serving completely. I had to make the conscious decision to take care of myself amidst my burnout.

I realized that I was such a “yes-woman” when it came to ministry. I do love serving the Lord and it does bring me joy, so I jumped at any opportunity to do so. But I need to remember to fill my emotional cup too.

Prioritizing relationships can be counterintuitive when you’re in a global pandemic and told to isolate yourself from others. But I’m trying my best to cultivate friendships with the people I previously saw on frazzled Sundays.

I’m in a Bible study now, rather than leading one. I’m sharing laughs and feelings with people over coffee when pandemic restrictions have allowed.

It’s a work in progress, but I’m opening my heart to people slowly. I may be all served out, but I’m putting myself back together. I’m learning to love myself the way that Jesus loves me.